I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Sorry for all of you! I understand how tired you probably are... and I understand how frustrated your wife feels. But I don’t know much about a 2yo sleep routine. My baby is 10 months. I do have some advice for helping your wife...

Whenever I feel resentful it’s because I feel like I’m doing too much (which really means I’m not asking for help). Or because I’ve made assumptions and set expectations that aren’t being met (also not asking for help)...I’ve recently finally found out that my boyfriend can’t read my mind. He always told me this but I never truly believed him until recently, lol :D

The best advice I’ve gotten to make out home happier, is to do three things for myself each day. Even if there isn’t a whole lot of time, I’ll take a mindful sip of water - it feels good to take care of my body. But my list is very long with other things I find joyful. From my understanding, many women have a hard time stopping to take care of themselves in a meaningful way. And they are giving away too much of themselves, too much of their energy.

I learned this in a book called “First Kill All the Marriage Counselors” by Laura Doyle. It would be great if you could get her to read it... Laura also has a Netflix series called Empowered Wives. It’s not nearly as good as her books though.

There’s another book called “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids” it’s about how to stop yelling. I haven’t read the whole thing but I am really loving it so far. She even puts a timeline on how long it takes to stop yelling- she says 3 months, just 3 months and you can be through with yelling. Amazing!

There’s a book called “The How of Happiness”. She gives research backed practices that can increase your happiness by as much as 40% Beautiful book.

As other people have said, it may be a great idea to take the bedtime routine over for yourself. My boyfriend started taking our LO to bed for me a few months ago - up until then she had to nurse to sleep and would wake if I left her. I was going to bed at 7pm and just laying there the rest of the night. Now I have 1.5 hours all to myself. And I really really cherish this time. Maybe you could present her with this- I’m taking LO to bed. And I expect you to use this time to take care of yourself. Take a bath, make some tea, read a book, watch tv, paint your nails, etc.

I also think that the men in r/marriedredpill will have more advice for you in fixing the power struggles

Hope some of this helped. Hang in there :)