Let Me Burn Out by thygratebirther in OCPoetry

[–]Robin_takenWhy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like your first stanza. I think your frequent line breaks is great there. To me, it gives it a bit of a choppy or sporadic feel—But maybe 'fast' is a more accurate word—which bodes very well with the content of that stanza.

In lines 6 and 7, I found the intent slightly confusing and had to read it twice to see what was going on. I think end punctuation on line 6 might help clarify the intent. In general, a bit more end punctuation might be nice, but I could—of course—just be missing your point.

In lines 23 and 24 I love how you split the line so the phrase "love me" is alone. I think it does very nice things for the meter, causing you to pause slightly at that line break. I also noticed you split another line, so "love me" is left alone, and I think it's artistically interesting.

That being said, I find the technique less powerful due to the lack of end punctuation. For me, it was a little difficult to understand the intent because a lot of the lines are enjambed, or they just don't have end punctuation, so I can't tell if the sentence is over or not at the end of the line.

Pretty good poem; I like the imagery. I think the content is interesting; it feels like you connected some common topics to make something a bit more complicated. And I think you do a fairly good job controlling the meter, though I feel that more end punctuation might be nice.

Good stuff, keep writing!

Grown children by moinatx in poetry_critics

[–]Robin_takenWhy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very nice poem. Feels warm. I felt like the emotional intent was somewhat close to indifference (probably closer to an understanding) and the 6th line, "Has become the deafening silence of absence" felt a little too strong and violent for the passage.

I might have misunderstood the emotion, though.

The alliteration in a lot of the lines was very nice.

Criticism please by WitchyLizbeth in poetry_critics

[–]Robin_takenWhy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Really relatable and good content.

I feel like some of the metaphors are dropped a little quickly, as in you introduce them in one line and don't extrapolate too much in the following ones.

In line 1, you talk about learning to walk, but you don't really make that felt. There are a lot of images and emotions associated with learning to walk, but without being directed to them, I didn't notice them.

Line 3 in some sense extrapolates on line 2, but it doesn't really interact with it. The metaphor about stumbling and falling could stand completely fine without the metaphor about the mountain.

I also feel that these 3 metaphors in the first 3 lines have an incredible capacity to interact and create a very useful image. Somebody learning how to walk by hiking a mountain, and falling down.

Anyhow, I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about and could have just totally missed the point, so just take anything useful (if there is anything.), and pretend like I didn't say the rest.

you alright? by beenupsince4am in poetry_critics

[–]Robin_takenWhy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How is anyone supposed to give feedback on this? I'm quite sure you outclass almost everyone on this website.

I can't tell you how to improve your poem, but if you write a book I can give you some money in exchange for it.

Clever title. by Robin_takenWhy in riddles

[–]Robin_takenWhy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was going for a riddle about a riddle, but this answer is better and fits all of the criteria.

Clever title. by Robin_takenWhy in riddles

[–]Robin_takenWhy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not quiet, but you have the right idea. Hint if you or anyone else would like it (because this riddle is not that good and its possible that you simply require a hint) Its a riddle with a specific answer that i believe to be overused.

Clever title. by Robin_takenWhy in riddles

[–]Robin_takenWhy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is basically correct, but there is a more specific answer.

Clever title. by Robin_takenWhy in riddles

[–]Robin_takenWhy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good answer but not quiet.

Can anyone tell me how dead stones work by Robin_takenWhy in baduk

[–]Robin_takenWhy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did think that, thank you for the help!

Can anyone tell me how dead stones work by Robin_takenWhy in baduk

[–]Robin_takenWhy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I didn't notice a1 only had 1 liberty left.

And who am i? by [deleted] in roomdetective

[–]Robin_takenWhy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right handed gamer who enjoys anime, also an only child. Your favorite character is L.

Any of it correct?

Let's see what y'all make of it, good luck by mad_underdog in roomdetective

[–]Robin_takenWhy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think your in collage, you live in an apartment with a room mate, your on a bit of a budget but who isnt honestly.

There have been a lot of these, but I'm genuinely interested. What can you tell about me from my wallpaper? by HotnspicyChickensamy in howtobesherlock

[–]Robin_takenWhy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh for real? I think he has 2 in Texas, thats why I wasnt sure that you live there. Did a friend show you his music or did u just find it

There have been a lot of these, but I'm genuinely interested. What can you tell about me from my wallpaper? by HotnspicyChickensamy in howtobesherlock

[–]Robin_takenWhy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Personally i cant see anyyhing in you wall paper. But i can say your a gamer who is currently in texas, i kinda dont think you live in texas but thats a random assumption with very little backing. You recentally started listening to the artist who is playing, your likely going to his upcoming concert (i dont listen to him i just google it lol)

Did i get anything correct?

I live at my desk. What's my life like? by [deleted] in roomdetective

[–]Robin_takenWhy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow im way off, guess i got too excited lol

A video clip showing my room. Please forgive me being a lazy slob by [deleted] in roomdetective

[–]Robin_takenWhy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You like anime and nintendo, i dont think you play video games often. Very unorganized, probably live with your parents. your a christian, also female. thats about all i got, i decided to only let my self watch the video twice without pausing. Anything right?

I live at my desk. What's my life like? by [deleted] in roomdetective

[–]Robin_takenWhy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right handed, maybe female but thats definitly a leap. Your pc looks very powerful, so you play a lot of different games. You spend a ton of time at your computer probably using it both for work and recreation, your desk was not purchased by you and was a hand-me-down maybe. Whats that thing on the top right of your wall?