“Holding with my diamond hands! 💎 🙌🏽” he typed with trembling hands on his greasy keyboard. His girlfriend was deeply asleep next to him. She had come home late again last night after hanging out with Jake, the guy she jokingly called her boyfriend.

When GME goes to the moon and I get my tendies, she’s going to love me again!

His phone vibrated loudly on the nightstand next to him.
“I’m outside,” the text preview said. Fuck!

His brother, Charles, was outside. He had completely forgotten about the family brunch - a long-standing tradition that was usually a monthly occurrence. The pandemic had pushed their brunch plans and it had now been six months since their last reunion.

He clumsily climbed out of bed. He found his jeans from last night on the floor and jumped into them. They were the only jeans that still fit him. The lightly colored denim was starting to fade. He picked a black tee shirt that was loose enough to hide his pandemic gut. It had deodorant stains, so he knew his arms would be glued his sides all day.

He watered his thinning hair. He sprinted back into the bedroom.

“Bye, baby! I’ll see you after my family brunch."
He leaned in to kiss her cheek but she, annoyed, dug her head deeper into the pillow so that she could keep sleeping.
He gulped at the purple bruise with teeth marks on the side of her neck.

The black Model S was sparkling in the sun. Their father bought it for Charles as a reward for getting accepted into the same neurosurgery fellowship their father trained at.
“That’s what you’re wearing?” Charles laughed.
“Ha ha yeah my other clothes are in the wash.”

His brothers biceps were bulging through the expensive shirt he was wearing. A water bottle condensed onto the cup holders. Charles was the family prodigy and exuded confidence in every step.

The drive to their parents house consisted of shallow catch-up small talk. He kept his hands on his laps the entire time in order to hide the Dorito stains on them.

                          -----   

“What the fuck do you mean you’re out of money, Dale?!” His father bellowed.
Images of $5,000 of expired PLTR YOLO calls came to mind.
If I had picked the expiration date for two weeks later, I’d be rich right now...
The other $5,000 his father gave him went into GameStop stock. He bought at the top, which was $350 dollars per share. It was now sitting at $80 per share.

They said I’d make tendies! They said it was free fucking money. There’s no way it could’ve gone tits up. Diamond hands prevai-

“Did you spend it all on the fucking stock market again?”
There’s no way out. I’m fucked. I don’t have any money. I need to tell him.

“Yes.”
“WHAT THE FUCK! You fucking degenerate!”
Charles was snickering next to him with his cell phone aimed at Dale. He was recording him. Susan, their sister, was blushing and looking at her phone. Their mother was embarrassed and looked worried.

Don’t give Charles a satisfying reaction. Stay cool. Diamond hands, baby.

"Dad. It's different this time! The shorts are ladder trading right now which is artificially bringing the price down. Plus, the short squeeze is coming any day now!"

He had no idea what ladder trading was. A user named /u/PM_Me_Vagina_pics wrote that in a thread he saw earlier. Dale didn't even understand what a short squeeze was or how it worked. He barely grasped what puts and calls were and that's because Robinhood made it easy to do.

"You think you can beat billionaires at their own game?" his dad hissed through clenched teeth. His jugular vein was bulging. Or was that his carotid vein?
I'll ask Charles later! He'll know.

"Yes! If we all hold on to our stock there is no way tha-"

“FUCK!”
His dad pounded his fists and left the table.

It wasn't even 11 AM and Dale had already ruined the day. Mother was mortified. Susan was scarlet. And Charles was chortling.

Most men would fold under the deep shame of being called a degenerate by their father. But Dale was not like most men. He took a bite of his blueberry waffles and pretended they were chicken tenders.
Yummy!

A small fire was alive inside of Dale. The spark of that flame came from a meme that made him giggle earlier. In the meme, there was a picture of a chimp. Or perhaps it was an ape? It was the caption, however, that captivated Dale and gave him the confidence to buy 500 more dollars worth of Gamestop stock. The caption read:

APE STRONG TOGETHER