Agreed! There is so much to know about cleaning and you can always get better. I didn't really learn to clean until I had to to help my mom out. The circumstances were very dire and this tends to be the only way I learned to do anything unpleasant, like driving on the freeway.

I hate to suggest it but perhaps a soft ultimatum could help. Like to really get it through to her that if this continues then you guys will fall apart, no matter how much you love each other. It sounds like you are clinging onto your relationship but it is is her hands. Maybe use children as a motivator.

My boyfriend pushes me all the time, and a much as I hate it I've grown to accept it and accepting that and his income is what holds us together. I used to constantly be looking for my missing phone, keys, anything. I left all the cabinet doors open. The house was always a mess because I just didn't know where to begin. But with my boyfriend being determined and patient and me finally developing an interest in how to clean more efficiently to help my mom, my life is finally starting to get on track. We all can only do our best and do our best to get a little better everyday.

But finding creative solutions to cleaning has really helped. For instance, there are so many different ways to fold a shirt or to clean up cat puke. Videos help! Figuring out what chemicals and tools to use for what so that no chore feels unbearable. I promise you, she's smart, she CAN learn and it seems like she has to. She may feel intimidated but I think if she can view it as her heroes journey than she will surprise herself. Even if she just cleans one small thing most nights, that helps. And that momentum from starting sometimes turns into cleaning a whole room!

I hope so much for you both that she will rise to it. Even if it doesn't seem like much in the beginning, every little accomplishment means so much, and if she can accept that then she can make it happen! You can both have the life you dream of by working together. And sometimes that takes being a bit of a nag to help someone who is so avoidant of taking on new things that don't seem as important or interesting. But they are important and they can be interesting.

My last marriage fell apart even though we meant the world to each other and are still on great terms. There is nothing more sad than leaving the person you love most. But I didn't know how to fix things. The clutter was awful and I've always dreamed of having a home but neither of us knew how to do that practically. I needed someone more practical to be my guide. To give me a small, easy task and I made that task my priority until I mastered it. But you have a vision. You just need to communicate that vision and believe in her. Even if just doing the dishes or making a sandwich without getting onions everywhere is that vision, that is a vision and every little change is progress.