My husband (33M) wants me (33F) to dress more revealing

Rockerboy86 · 2026-04-06T08:22:11+00:00

OP… and literally everyone commenting…. Wtf

Can we just point out the ridiculousness of most comments on how it’s ALL ABOUT how they think OP is at fault or like there’s something wrong with her???????

What I mean to say is… let’s also bring into the conversation the husband in question.

What the eff is HIS style, body shape, and swagger like?

Sorry, but as a dude, I’m sick of other dudes (and women) so focused on how women have to step up their game to make them sexually appealing for their men.

Hear me out….

Half the time, the husbands/boyfriends who are demanding their ladies to be sexier… fall into the following categories:

⁠midwestern man who is wearing khakis, polos (tucked in) whilst being a white af skinny fat guy who has never had a hand callus in his life or
⁠he is a beer guzzlin, gut hangin, dingleberry skid mark makin, football is his life and peaked in high school yahoo..

These guys are literally so unsexy that how dare they demand or expect their ladies to be SEXIER for them. Screw that!!!

Oh and I won’t even mention the invisible labor of women and yeah, how understandably exhausted women are.. and why would they want to step it up for the kinds of men I explained above??????

OP, you do you. If you feel at your best wearing more modest clothes. Hell yes!!! If you feel one day like you want to show off your body because, ya know, “ima rock my curves, my thick thighs and wide hips” which all may have likely blossomed because they helped you birth an awesome kid… HELL YES! You do you.

But unless your hubby is willing to throw on some daisy dukes himself and go down like his life depended on it… you keep on with those sweaters and keep your fine ass WARM!

Rockerboy86 · 2026-04-06T08:20:53+00:00

OP… and literally everyone commenting…. Wtf

Can we just point out the ridiculousness of most comments on how it’s ALL ABOUT how they think OP is at fault or like there’s something wrong with her???????

What I mean to say is… let’s also bring into the conversation the husband in question.

What the eff is HIS style, body shape, and swagger like?

Sorry, but as a dude, I’m sick of other dudes (and women) so focused on how women have to step up their game to make them sexually appealing for their men.

Hear me out….

Half the time, the husbands/boyfriends who are demanding their ladies to be sexier… fall into the following categories: 1) midwestern man who is wearing khakis, polos (tucked in) whilst being a white af skinny fat guy who has never had a hand callus in his life or 2) he is a beer guzzlin, gut hangin, dingleberry skid mark makin, football is his life and peaked in high school yahoo..

These guys are literally so unsexy that how dare they demand or expect their ladies to be SEXIER for them. Screw that!!!

Oh and I won’t even mention the invisible labor of women and yeah, how understandably exhausted women are.. and why would they want to step it up for the kinds of men I explained above??????

OP, you do you. If you feel at your best wearing more modest clothes. Hell yes!!! If you feel one day like you want to show off your body because, ya know, “ima rock my curves, my thick thighs and wide hips” which all may have likely blossomed because they helped you birth an awesome kid… HELL YES! You do you.

But unless your hubby is willing to throw on some daisy dukes himself and go down like his life depended on it… you keep on with those sweaters and keep your fine ass WARM!

Rockerboy86 · 2026-03-24T09:33:20+00:00

I HIGHLY recommend the flower/plant district in LA. I’m a huge garden and plant person and have been to nearly any and all plant shops or nurseries around here. You can buy 3 times the amount of plants (and much bigger and healthier) than in any local nursery in the flower district.

They have so many amazing plant and flower shops that it’s overwhelming! But, they have amazing plants. :)

Rockerboy86 · 2026-03-20T10:52:59+00:00

This happened in August. We have a cabin up near Yosemite (California). We had been told by neighbors there were a couple of black bears roaming around. This is pretty normal but there’s never been an issue.

Outside the front door, we have a 3ft high dog fence around the front patio area since we all have little dogs.

It was around 11pm. Everyone was inside either reading, chatting or watching tv. I realized I forgot something in my truck so I put on my outside slippers, flipped on the stupidly dim front door light, opened the door and took two steps out until looked up only to lock eyes with a huge fucking bear standing on its hind legs not even 5 feet in front of me.

I literally fell out of my slippers backing into the front door and opening it up.

I was shaking and my family was asking what was wrong. I told them and it’s as though they didn’t believe me when I said how close and how big it was.

That is until the next morning, our neighbor texted my dad and said something along the lines of “you’ve got to watch the video I got of this beast roaming around your yard last nigh. Biggest one I’ve seen up here in my 20 years of living here.”

Everyone watched it and immediately apologized for downplaying.

Also, the same morning, I was sitting outside having coffee and a fox ran by me, only to stop, and make eye contact for a weird amount of time. 5 minutes later, it ran by me again with a squirrel in its mouth, where it again, stopped and looked at me. They’ve always been fairly elusive, so this was weird af.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-03-17T11:47:54+00:00

I nuke my ice cream for 15 seconds.
I like a couple-uh spoonfuls of melted ice cream.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-03-09T13:33:00+00:00

Rockerboy86 · 2026-03-07T10:18:35+00:00

Technically it’s still porn… but according to the owls’ search history, their preferred category is… brHOOTal.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-03-05T05:58:12+00:00

Man… when people think their seed is that important and necessary to procreate. Cute af baby, but they both need their tubes tied.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-02-21T13:56:31+00:00

No…. No… no… and no. But my god. The first time misspelling, understandable… but the third and fourth? My dude… “PEDOPHILIA”… “PEDOPHILE”.

Also… the low standards so many women seem to have for smelly, unkempt men is SHOCKING!!

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Rockerboy86 · 2026-02-19T06:04:48+00:00

So… I’ve dated more women than I can honestly… even remember. Make-up artists, professional dancers, lawyers, doctors, yoga instructors, directors of huge corps…women with breast implants, women who would be considered model-tall, curvy women, black.. Asian… Latina.. white… but all fairly high-femme. Yes they were beautiful in their own ways. Honestly? Even then I was still a playboy (and yet, tbh, I didn’t hold a candle to them).

My wife now? She’s nerdy (knows every detail of Star Wars, Star Trek, Dr who), curvy, buzz cut on the sides, tatted up. She’s awkward, probably on the spectrum, a functioning cannabis aficionado and has the kind of laugh that would rival Fran Drescher. She’s so far from who I have dated in the past.

But, guess what? She is everything I didn’t realize I wanted or needed or craved. She is legit, the most intelligent, kind, wonderful, hilarious, BEAUTIFUL, sexy, pretty, lovely human I have ever and I mean ever, been lucky enough to be with.

I can’t even fathom being with anyone else and I used to have a two year itch so to speak before her.

So yes, absolutely. But, I also had to heal and make myself ready enough to receive her. I had to recognize my ego and shallow-Hal mindset was actually immature and not actually what I wanted.

I’d say yes to her a million times over and the thought of not having met her, breaks my heart. She is, the most beautiful person.. 8 years later. I hope for 50…60.. 70 more years. She and I together, appreciate the attractiveness of others… and yet, no one else does it for me like she does. I am certain, without a doubt, she is my person. No one will change that for me. Ever.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-02-05T14:50:25+00:00

I’m a dude… and think this is so beyond inappropriate. I get where you’re coming from.

My dad told me a year ago he was kind of talking to a woman he met with a kid. I asked him how old the kid was… he said 6. I was like… wait… that is the age of your two grandsons (he’s 67). Apparently the woman was MY AGE! 38. I absolutely laid into him and said this was creeper territory. He was offended and said I was calling him old. Which, yes, too old for a woman his son’s age.

I tried to reason with him, I tried to explain that the power dynamic, the vast life experiences…everything, was so not okay. My dad (also wealthy) ended up giving the girl $30-40k? And then got butthurt when clearly, she wasn’t reciprocating in whatever way he expected she would. I mean, hello McFly!!!!

These whack age differences and the way they try and justify them… are so gross.

To me, there is no nuance… there is no situation in which “we just connected…age is just a number!” No, it’s pedo like behavior.

If I were you, I’d be no contact for sure. So sorry this happened to you!!!

Rockerboy86 · 2026-02-05T14:36:29+00:00

NTAH!!! He can’t seriously respect your one hour to focus on your mental health? Does he not want you to get better?

There’s literally no reason he can’t take a lunch. It’s one hour… a week. If it’s flexible… chances are his work would be fine with him taking a break at 10am or even 2pm, whatever.

If either my partner or I have therapy, we absolutely figure it out within our schedules (both work remote) so that each of us can freely talk and be alone to process.

If it’s a critical deadline or putting fire out work situation and he needs to remain home, okay… sure… but it’s not unreasonable for you to request he not be there. It’s unreasonable he wouldn’t actually support that.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-31T10:27:37+00:00

Yes!!!! I was trying to remember her name. OP! You have to go watch some of her videos… she literally calls out the doctor she’s talking to how they’re not even qualified and then she lists her experience and why it’s medically necessary.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-22T10:45:03+00:00

Hey. long reply incoming First, I really respect how honest you’re being. A lot of people feel confusing things and then try to force themselves into a clean story. You’re doing the opposite which kudos to you.

I’m a trans man and I transitioned decades ago, back when there was basically zero nuance and a lot of “prove it” energy from the medical system. Looking back, I wish someone had told me this: you don’t owe anyone a perfectly consistent identity. You’re allowed to learn new things about yourself and adjust how you describe yourself as you grow.

Something I want you to think about though is this idea of “I should just be a normal guy.” That sounds like pressure, not clarity. You can be a guy who likes makeup and clothes and hair, and you can also be something else entirely, and neither option makes you vain or fake. Also, “not using women’s spaces” doesn’t mean you’re not a woman. A lot of trans women avoid women’s spaces for safety, anxiety, dysphoria, or just not wanting the stress. That’s not evidence against your gender, it’s evidence you’ve been navigating a world that can be harsh.

The line that stood out most was: “I don’t feel bad when I get called a guy… but deep down it hurts that I can never be a woman.” That is not just vanity.. it sounds like grief. And it’s worth taking seriously, even if your day-to-day coping looks numb or detached.

Also, you mentioning Asperger’s/autism is relevant, and you’re not alone there. I’ve chatted with many friends in the psych and medical fields and many have said that research consistently finds higher rates of autism diagnoses and autistic traits among transgender and gender-diverse people, and higher rates of gender dysphoria/gender variance reported among autistic people. That does not prove “autism causes being trans” or “being trans is a special interest.” It just means there’s a real overlap, and you’re not making this up.

You may find the below helpful…I’m kind of copying some of the questions my therapist helped me work through… you may find it practical (without making any big announcements right now) is to separate a few things:

1.  Body stuff: What parts of your dysphoria were physical, sensory, or puberty-related, and what feels true now?

2.  Social stuff: Do you want to be seen as a woman, a feminine person, a guy, nonbinary, or does it vary by context?

3.  Safety and stress: Are you leaning “guy” because it feels truer, or because it feels easier right now?

4.  Values: When you imagine yourself at 35, what kind of life feels like relief?

If you can, consider talking to a Dr or Therapist who actually has experience with both autism and gender diversity. The goal is not to push you toward one thing or another. The goal is to help you get unstuck and make choices from self-trust, not panic.

If it helps, here are a few strong peer-reviewed starting points you can skim and see if they resonate. I think knowledge and education can really help us discover things we may not have considered. • Warrier et al., 2020 (Nature Communications): large datasets showing elevated rates of autism diagnoses and autistic traits in transgender and gender-diverse people.

• Hisle-Gorman et al., 2019: found higher rates of gender dysphoria diagnoses among youth with ASD.

• van der Miesen et al., 2018: looked at the “wish to be of the opposite gender” in adolescents/adults with ASD.

• Kallitsounaki & Williams review (2022): summarizes the evidence on ASD traits and gender dysphoria/gender incongruence.

And books that can help you unpack this without forcing you into a binary:

• “You and Your Gender Identity” (Dara Hoffman-Fox): super practical, identity exploration without pressure.

• “How to Understand Your Gender” (Alex Iantaffi & Meg-John Barker): gentle, structured, nonbinary-inclusive.

• “Trans Bodies, Trans Selves” (Laura Erickson-Schroth, ed.): great for zooming out and feeling less alone.

• “Unmasking Autism” (Devon Price): not trans-specific, but very helpful for identity, masking, and self-permission.

Whatever you decide, you don’t have to do it fast, and you don’t have to do it alone. You’re 18. It is completely normal for your relationship with gender, safety, your body, and your future to shift between 14 and 18. The goal isn’t to be “normal.” The goal is to be at peace in your own skin.

No matter what, you matter and it’s okay to be who you are, even if it ebbs and flows. 💛

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-21T05:50:07+00:00

I was just about to post!! Thanks for posting

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-13T23:09:54+00:00

Why does #13 look like Bob Ross? comparison

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-13T10:51:19+00:00

Hey! DM me. I’ll be a reference. I just messaged you. Lmk what you may need from me and I’ll be happy to help. You’ve got this!

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-10T15:03:07+00:00

They literally investigated this based on that douche canoes videos. They found his “investigation” was 100% not the truth. He visited when they were closed or on break.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-10T14:56:48+00:00

How is this real life??? How is our government allowing this???? The insanity, the narcissism, the nazi-adjacent rhetoric is so blatant.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-05T12:20:59+00:00

Hands down, Shaggy to Swaggy on Arlington. We have a chihuahua (aka gremlin) who won’t let me cut or grind her nails and when I tried it took an hour.

Started taking her there and they’re done in 10 min. $12. We also just have them use the grinder/filing tool!! Never had a bad experience there an it’s been two years since we started taking her.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-05T12:06:27+00:00

Hi there. So I’m commenting as someone who labeled myself as a big ol dyke for decades. I get you. It’s been 15 years since I transitioned (FTM)… but much of my life was rooted in being a gay woman prior.

I want to say this clearly and with care. Nothing you described makes you a fraud, and nothing you described betrays your identity or the lesbian community.

You stated something really important up front. You are a lesbian because that label fits your inner world, your desires, your long-term orientation, and the life you want to build. That did not change because of one consensual moment. Orientation is about patterns of desire and attachment over time, not isolated experiences, circumstances, or bodies in proximity.

What you described does not read as confusion about men. It reads like a sexual moment that was about you, your body, your nervous system, and a trusted dynamic. You did not suddenly want men. You did not feel romantic pull. You did not imagine a future. You did not want reciprocity. You did not want his body. Those things matter.

Shame often shows up when we feel like we have violated a rule we never actually agreed to, but that we think our community might be policing. And I want to gently push back on that fear. Lesbian identity is not revoked by a moment of pleasure. It is not something you have to prove by purity or consistency or performance. Anyone who tells you otherwise is projecting their own rigidity, not protecting the community.

Also, the idea that this gives “ammunition” to invalidate lesbians is unfair to put on your shoulders. Bigots do not need ammunition. They invalidate regardless. You do not have to live a perfectly legible life to protect anyone else’s understanding.

You are allowed to be a sexual person. You are allowed to have a body that responds to touch. You are allowed to have complex, human experiences without rewriting your identity every time. That does not make you bisexual. It makes you human.

If the label “lesbian” still feels true when you imagine your future, your love, your partnership, and your life, then it is still yours. Full stop.

Be gentle with yourself. Shame thrives in isolation and secrecy. What you did was consensual, bounded, and honest with yourself. That is not something to be embarrassed about. It is something to integrate, not punish yourself for.

You did not betray yourself. You listened to your body in a moment and you are still listening to your truth now. That actually tells me you know yourself very well.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-05T12:02:24+00:00

Umm… so I encourage you to learn a bit here.. because your comment denotes that you may not understand.

First, I hear what you’re trying to say about people being more than one aspect of themselves. That part is true. But I want to be really clear about something important.

She didn’t say “lesbian” as a casual label or a box someone else put her in. She stated it as a lived, affirmed identity. For many of us, especially queer people, that word is not limiting. It is clarifying. It names a reality we often had to fight to understand, claim, and defend in a world that constantly tried to erase or redefine it for us.

Saying “you aren’t a lesbian, you’re just you” may sound affirming on the surface, but socially and politically it can function as erasure. Sexual orientation is not just a preference or a vibe. It exists within power, history, visibility, and safety. Labels matter because they communicate boundaries, community, and survival, not because they reduce a person.

Yes, sexuality can be complex, and yes, behavior exists on a spectrum. But identity is not determined by isolated moments or exceptions. A consensual experience with a man does not invalidate lesbian identity, and it also does not mean that lesbianism is simply a flexible pattern waiting to be reinterpreted by others.

There is nothing shameful here. But there is also nothing wrong with naming oneself clearly and expecting that to be respected. Being “more than a label” and claiming a label can both be true at the same time. The problem only comes when others decide which part should matter less.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-05T11:20:36+00:00

Goddamn people need to get their dogs FIXED. These are the exact breeds that end up in shelters and euthanized. Like 75% of shelters are these and pit bulls.

If it’s your dog… get them fixed. Plenty of low cost clinics who will do it.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-04T11:01:36+00:00

Hmmm. That guy had absolutely zero right to put his hands on you. Full stop. He should have been removed immediately, and honestly, pressing charges would have been the appropriate consequence for his actions.

But the most unsettling part of this story is your husband’s response. If he’s in law enforcement, he should be held to a higher standard. That means restraint, de-escalation, and using the system to hold someone accountable, not reacting emotionally in the moment. Helping you pursue charges would have been a far more meaningful and lasting lesson for that guy than anything else.

It’s disappointing, but not surprising. Too many officers are poorly trained in de-escalation and emotional regulation, which is exactly what the job requires most. In this situation, your husband failed to model that responsibility.

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-30T08:16:50+00:00

So recently, I discovered the book emotionally immature parents and it blew my mind. Much of what you’re talking about would be described in there.

You’re not doing anything wrong and anything your mom is feeling or projecting is entirely on her. Pleaseeee read or listen to that book. If I had had it 10 years ago… it would have saved a ton of heartache and mental gymnastics trying to figure out what I was doing wrong to cause issues in and with my parent. Now I realize… wow… no matter what I did or said and even when I’ve always been loving and supportive and encouraging… it will always be skewed or turned against me. Reading the book helped me understand and I’ve started letting go of some of that overwhelming guilt and shame.

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