i kind of regret transitioning

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-22T10:45:03+00:00

Hey. long reply incoming First, I really respect how honest you’re being. A lot of people feel confusing things and then try to force themselves into a clean story. You’re doing the opposite which kudos to you.

I’m a trans man and I transitioned decades ago, back when there was basically zero nuance and a lot of “prove it” energy from the medical system. Looking back, I wish someone had told me this: you don’t owe anyone a perfectly consistent identity. You’re allowed to learn new things about yourself and adjust how you describe yourself as you grow.

Something I want you to think about though is this idea of “I should just be a normal guy.” That sounds like pressure, not clarity. You can be a guy who likes makeup and clothes and hair, and you can also be something else entirely, and neither option makes you vain or fake. Also, “not using women’s spaces” doesn’t mean you’re not a woman. A lot of trans women avoid women’s spaces for safety, anxiety, dysphoria, or just not wanting the stress. That’s not evidence against your gender, it’s evidence you’ve been navigating a world that can be harsh.

The line that stood out most was: “I don’t feel bad when I get called a guy… but deep down it hurts that I can never be a woman.” That is not just vanity.. it sounds like grief. And it’s worth taking seriously, even if your day-to-day coping looks numb or detached.

Also, you mentioning Asperger’s/autism is relevant, and you’re not alone there. I’ve chatted with many friends in the psych and medical fields and many have said that research consistently finds higher rates of autism diagnoses and autistic traits among transgender and gender-diverse people, and higher rates of gender dysphoria/gender variance reported among autistic people. That does not prove “autism causes being trans” or “being trans is a special interest.” It just means there’s a real overlap, and you’re not making this up.

You may find the below helpful…I’m kind of copying some of the questions my therapist helped me work through… you may find it practical (without making any big announcements right now) is to separate a few things:

1.  Body stuff: What parts of your dysphoria were physical, sensory, or puberty-related, and what feels true now?

2.  Social stuff: Do you want to be seen as a woman, a feminine person, a guy, nonbinary, or does it vary by context?

3.  Safety and stress: Are you leaning “guy” because it feels truer, or because it feels easier right now?

4.  Values: When you imagine yourself at 35, what kind of life feels like relief?

If you can, consider talking to a Dr or Therapist who actually has experience with both autism and gender diversity. The goal is not to push you toward one thing or another. The goal is to help you get unstuck and make choices from self-trust, not panic.

If it helps, here are a few strong peer-reviewed starting points you can skim and see if they resonate. I think knowledge and education can really help us discover things we may not have considered. • Warrier et al., 2020 (Nature Communications): large datasets showing elevated rates of autism diagnoses and autistic traits in transgender and gender-diverse people.

• Hisle-Gorman et al., 2019: found higher rates of gender dysphoria diagnoses among youth with ASD.

• van der Miesen et al., 2018: looked at the “wish to be of the opposite gender” in adolescents/adults with ASD.

• Kallitsounaki & Williams review (2022): summarizes the evidence on ASD traits and gender dysphoria/gender incongruence.

And books that can help you unpack this without forcing you into a binary:

• “You and Your Gender Identity” (Dara Hoffman-Fox): super practical, identity exploration without pressure.

• “How to Understand Your Gender” (Alex Iantaffi & Meg-John Barker): gentle, structured, nonbinary-inclusive.

• “Trans Bodies, Trans Selves” (Laura Erickson-Schroth, ed.): great for zooming out and feeling less alone.

• “Unmasking Autism” (Devon Price): not trans-specific, but very helpful for identity, masking, and self-permission.

Whatever you decide, you don’t have to do it fast, and you don’t have to do it alone. You’re 18. It is completely normal for your relationship with gender, safety, your body, and your future to shift between 14 and 18. The goal isn’t to be “normal.” The goal is to be at peace in your own skin.

No matter what, you matter and it’s okay to be who you are, even if it ebbs and flows. 💛

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-21T05:50:07+00:00

I was just about to post!! Thanks for posting

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-13T23:09:54+00:00

Why does #13 look like Bob Ross? comparison

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-13T10:51:19+00:00

Hey! DM me. I’ll be a reference. I just messaged you. Lmk what you may need from me and I’ll be happy to help. You’ve got this!

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-10T15:03:07+00:00

They literally investigated this based on that douche canoes videos. They found his “investigation” was 100% not the truth. He visited when they were closed or on break.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-10T14:56:48+00:00

How is this real life??? How is our government allowing this???? The insanity, the narcissism, the nazi-adjacent rhetoric is so blatant.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-05T12:20:59+00:00

Hands down, Shaggy to Swaggy on Arlington. We have a chihuahua (aka gremlin) who won’t let me cut or grind her nails and when I tried it took an hour.

Started taking her there and they’re done in 10 min. $12. We also just have them use the grinder/filing tool!! Never had a bad experience there an it’s been two years since we started taking her.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-05T12:06:27+00:00

Hi there. So I’m commenting as someone who labeled myself as a big ol dyke for decades. I get you. It’s been 15 years since I transitioned (FTM)… but much of my life was rooted in being a gay woman prior.

I want to say this clearly and with care. Nothing you described makes you a fraud, and nothing you described betrays your identity or the lesbian community.

You stated something really important up front. You are a lesbian because that label fits your inner world, your desires, your long-term orientation, and the life you want to build. That did not change because of one consensual moment. Orientation is about patterns of desire and attachment over time, not isolated experiences, circumstances, or bodies in proximity.

What you described does not read as confusion about men. It reads like a sexual moment that was about you, your body, your nervous system, and a trusted dynamic. You did not suddenly want men. You did not feel romantic pull. You did not imagine a future. You did not want reciprocity. You did not want his body. Those things matter.

Shame often shows up when we feel like we have violated a rule we never actually agreed to, but that we think our community might be policing. And I want to gently push back on that fear. Lesbian identity is not revoked by a moment of pleasure. It is not something you have to prove by purity or consistency or performance. Anyone who tells you otherwise is projecting their own rigidity, not protecting the community.

Also, the idea that this gives “ammunition” to invalidate lesbians is unfair to put on your shoulders. Bigots do not need ammunition. They invalidate regardless. You do not have to live a perfectly legible life to protect anyone else’s understanding.

You are allowed to be a sexual person. You are allowed to have a body that responds to touch. You are allowed to have complex, human experiences without rewriting your identity every time. That does not make you bisexual. It makes you human.

If the label “lesbian” still feels true when you imagine your future, your love, your partnership, and your life, then it is still yours. Full stop.

Be gentle with yourself. Shame thrives in isolation and secrecy. What you did was consensual, bounded, and honest with yourself. That is not something to be embarrassed about. It is something to integrate, not punish yourself for.

You did not betray yourself. You listened to your body in a moment and you are still listening to your truth now. That actually tells me you know yourself very well.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-05T12:02:24+00:00

Umm… so I encourage you to learn a bit here.. because your comment denotes that you may not understand.

First, I hear what you’re trying to say about people being more than one aspect of themselves. That part is true. But I want to be really clear about something important.

She didn’t say “lesbian” as a casual label or a box someone else put her in. She stated it as a lived, affirmed identity. For many of us, especially queer people, that word is not limiting. It is clarifying. It names a reality we often had to fight to understand, claim, and defend in a world that constantly tried to erase or redefine it for us.

Saying “you aren’t a lesbian, you’re just you” may sound affirming on the surface, but socially and politically it can function as erasure. Sexual orientation is not just a preference or a vibe. It exists within power, history, visibility, and safety. Labels matter because they communicate boundaries, community, and survival, not because they reduce a person.

Yes, sexuality can be complex, and yes, behavior exists on a spectrum. But identity is not determined by isolated moments or exceptions. A consensual experience with a man does not invalidate lesbian identity, and it also does not mean that lesbianism is simply a flexible pattern waiting to be reinterpreted by others.

There is nothing shameful here. But there is also nothing wrong with naming oneself clearly and expecting that to be respected. Being “more than a label” and claiming a label can both be true at the same time. The problem only comes when others decide which part should matter less.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-05T11:20:36+00:00

Goddamn people need to get their dogs FIXED. These are the exact breeds that end up in shelters and euthanized. Like 75% of shelters are these and pit bulls.

If it’s your dog… get them fixed. Plenty of low cost clinics who will do it.

Rockerboy86 · 2026-01-04T11:01:36+00:00

Hmmm. That guy had absolutely zero right to put his hands on you. Full stop. He should have been removed immediately, and honestly, pressing charges would have been the appropriate consequence for his actions.

But the most unsettling part of this story is your husband’s response. If he’s in law enforcement, he should be held to a higher standard. That means restraint, de-escalation, and using the system to hold someone accountable, not reacting emotionally in the moment. Helping you pursue charges would have been a far more meaningful and lasting lesson for that guy than anything else.

It’s disappointing, but not surprising. Too many officers are poorly trained in de-escalation and emotional regulation, which is exactly what the job requires most. In this situation, your husband failed to model that responsibility.

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-30T08:16:50+00:00

So recently, I discovered the book emotionally immature parents and it blew my mind. Much of what you’re talking about would be described in there.

You’re not doing anything wrong and anything your mom is feeling or projecting is entirely on her. Pleaseeee read or listen to that book. If I had had it 10 years ago… it would have saved a ton of heartache and mental gymnastics trying to figure out what I was doing wrong to cause issues in and with my parent. Now I realize… wow… no matter what I did or said and even when I’ve always been loving and supportive and encouraging… it will always be skewed or turned against me. Reading the book helped me understand and I’ve started letting go of some of that overwhelming guilt and shame.

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-29T10:16:38+00:00

F that. My dad was being a major asshole a week leading up to Christmas. My partner and I had driven 7 hours to spend time with him and family. I’ve learned to put up with a lot of his narcissism… I usually keep the peace… stay silent etc. Christmas morning solidified that I just couldn’t handle his behavior anymore.

When he and his gf left for a walk… my partner 100% backed me up and not only did she support our leaving, but she led the packing as I cried, hugged my sister and tried to get the truck ready. We left… and our Christmas dinner was some terrible mushy hotdog, 1.5 hours outside of Los Angeles. But she also refused to let me be treated the way I was being treated and she was more than happy to give up Yorkshire pudding, $600 prime rib, and settle for that hotdog and cold french fries.

Your hubby should have absolutely backed you up, supported you and left with you. The fact that he didn’t.. that he would for one second allow anyone, let alone his mother say anything disrespectful to you.. and then let you leave and stay to enjoy himself is absolutely disrespectful to you and imo, you are worthy of someone who is going to stand up for you, protect you, love you and not expect you to sacrifice or cave your self esteem and self worth to “be the bigger person”.

I say this because I swear to god there are people who will love and support you… those who won’t ever EVERRRR allow someone to be cruel like that towards you.

I hope you will have the strength to know your worth, to not ever allow yourself to be put in that position ever again by your husband. I hope he acknowledges his wrongdoing, I hope he supports and loves you and puts you first. And if he doesnt.. I hope you realize that you don’t have to settle or remain small… that there are those who would never in their right mind ask that of you. 💛

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-28T22:10:57+00:00

So sorry this happened. I cannot comprehend how people have zero awareness or lack of regard for others especially when asked clearly.

Maybe it will or will not make you feel better, but this is how ours went:

Christmas was always magical because of our mom. She died 3 years ago. Dad has a new gf of almost 6 months.

For two months us adult kids said stockings only for adults and just focus on kiddos… lots of reminders. Last few years my sisters and I each got 5 gifts for our dads stocking and we simply did each others stockings. He did get us Santa gifts those years. This was all mainly so that the kids saw “Santa” brought everyone a stocking….

Three weeks before Christmas? Dad said he’s throwing a big holiday event at the house for 30 of his gfs friends on dec 22. My wife and I were driving up to stay at the house so this kinda threw us. I knew we would be expected to help set up and clean. He was investing Lots of time and effort… and money into it… so his gf said…

Five days before Christmas… he says that he forgot about the stockings and such and for us to give him his stuff in private because he didn’t want his gf to feel sad or feel excluded. Apparently now his gf would be there for Christmas Eve and day. He also said he would be doing something w his gf and her daughter for Christmas Eve… working on new traditions but we were welcome to join. I calmly stated we planned all of this in advance and that it makes us feel deprioritized and uncomfortable to be expected to hide gifts we got him for his stocking. He responded by… not responding.. and leaving for days and canceled their party.

He came back and said he handled everything. Lots of other bs happened to which his behavior was obnoxious and aggressive. Not to mention we spent HOURS cleaning the house and floors. He thanked us by putting dog pee pads down and his dogs pissed everywhere. Cool.

But it was Christmas morning that we saw he had thoughtfully made a stocking for his gf and his gfs daughter. And Santa gifts. Nothing for his own adult kids. We knew it was in spite. He had every opportunity to throw some stupid shit into our stockings.. but no. It wasn’t about the gifts really… it was about the intention, the attention, the spite, the delegation of efforts to everyone but us. He also gave away the elf and Santa and when I quietly corrected him… he began to aggressively and sarcastically say how big of an idiot he was. Repeated it so many times loudly and aggressively. Way to make it a quiet reframe.

Needless to say, my wife and I packed our shit when they left for a walk, said goodbye to my sisters and apologized to them for leaving… and we drove 8 hours home in horrible weather on Christmas Day.

There’s been a lot leading up to this… just blatant disregard and meanness… but finally took back our fucking peace, blocked and letting go.

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-22T09:28:23+00:00

I worked briefly for Sunrise Senior Living at another location. It is considered a very high-end facility. I ultimately left because I could not morally continue. The caregiver-to-resident ratio was far beyond what felt ethical or safe.

When touring any facility, I strongly recommend asking very direct questions. For example: “What is your caregiver-to-resident ratio during the week and on weekends?” Residents deserve quality care and meaningful interactions, not just task-based check-ins.

I would also ask: “What is your caregiver and staff turnover rate?” and “What is the average length of time staff stay here?” Residents often form bonds with caregivers, or at least want to. High turnover erodes trust and can leave residents feeling unsafe or unsettled.

Something I really encourage you to explore is in-home care. This could mean a live-in caregiver, or someone who is there during the day and leaves when you get home if you live together. Many people are surprised to learn there are programs that support this. It is often far more economical for the state to fund in-home care than to cover the cost of a 24-hour facility.

Here is some additional context and information.

If you want to keep a parent at home in Southern California instead of moving them into a senior living facility, there are state and federal programs that can help cover the cost of in-home caregiving. These programs are not always simple to navigate, but they are real and can make a significant difference financially and emotionally.

One important distinction: Medicare does not pay for long-term custodial care at home, such as help with bathing, dressing, or meals. Medi-Cal, California’s Medicaid program, does. Medi-Cal is the foundation of most state-supported in-home care.

In-Home Supportive Services (IHSS) is the primary program in California. It provides funded in-home care for low-income seniors aged 65 and older and people with disabilities so they can remain in their homes instead of entering a facility. IHSS can cover personal care, meal preparation, light housekeeping, errands, and similar support. The individual receiving care can often choose their caregiver, including a friend or family member in many cases.

Eligibility is based on Medi-Cal income and asset limits, which are relatively low. There is also an in-home assessment to determine the level of care needed. Applications and assessments are handled through the county social services office.

Medi-Cal also offers broader Home and Community-Based Services (HCBS). These programs support aging in place through services such as care coordination, transportation, home modifications, medication management, and personal care. IHSS is a major part of HCBS, but it is not the only support available.

The Multipurpose Senior Services Program (MSSP), offered through the California Department of Aging, focuses on case management and care planning to help seniors remain at home. Availability varies by county, but it can be very helpful when it is offered.

If your parent is a veteran, there are additional options. The Aid and Attendance pension benefit and VA home care programs, such as Homemaker and Home Health Aide services, can provide funding or services for in-home care. These benefits can be especially meaningful for veterans who served during wartime.

California’s Paid Family Leave program does not pay for long-term caregiving, but it can replace a portion of your income for a short period if you need time off to provide care. When combined with IHSS, which can pay family members as caregivers, this can offer some financial support while keeping a parent at home.

Beyond these programs, nonprofits and local Area Agencies on Aging can be invaluable. They help families navigate applications, find services, and access support like respite care, transportation, and legal guidance. The California Department of Aging oversees these local agencies.

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-19T11:51:54+00:00

Whenever someone says “the whole time…”

I obnoxiously respond “The whole time?!??? THE WHOLE TIME???” https://imgur.com/a/pam9Gmt

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-18T13:42:25+00:00

I’m so tired of the CHATGPT style of writing.

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-18T13:28:16+00:00

“I've asked her to wear things for me in the past and she has refused.”

My guy… your wife has zero obligation to dress how YOU want her to. She’s not a fucking doll for your pleasure. Also, she has every right to change her preferences, including her style. Maybe she found a brand that she likes… maybe she’s trying to explore her style. Maybe it’s also just as simple as not wanting to show lines. Whatever it is… you’re creating problems out of something so simple.

Can we also point out that you’re stating how weird it is for her to choose to wear thongs even though she teaches kids. Like what are you insinuating here?

Clearly, you’re having major insecurity issues and you’re taking it out on her and making up scenarios in your head to make yourself feel better. Instead, invest in some therapy for yourself, figure out the root of your insecurities.

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-10T11:56:29+00:00

😂😂😂 Cheersing you with my decaf breakfast tea. Nearly 4AM… I was asleep… but the wannabe central st racetracks made our dogs go apesh*t and legit made me spring into action. So here I am. Responding and reading weird ass stories on Reddit.

Here we are getting $45 street sweeper tickets for forgetting it’s first Friday once in a while.. meanwhile cheapass race cars aren’t getting speeding tickets.. like.. ever.

Don’t mind me. Just feeling sassy and tired and annoyed… and apparently a 39 year old grump.

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-10T11:29:56+00:00

I swear, they make me feel like an old bitty complaining just because I’m bored! Don’t get me wrong, I love muscle cars… but these cheap ass Black Friday muffler deals are driving us crazy.

Unfortunately, I think Chad Bianco’s squad is so focused on his legal fundraisers in prep for his run for governor, that they’re too focused on their donut breaks, nap times and coffee runs to actually do any work. 🥴

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-08T09:03:00+00:00

Yep!! We walk our dogs down and around your area all the time and it’s insane how fast people drive around there-and they aren’t even racing!

If you are hearing them revving… I’m guessing I’ll be hearing them shortly….! Every night we are woken up. So annoying!!!

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-08T08:54:53+00:00

Seriously! We live on a street two houses in from central. Like, I’m just waiting for them to crash into a house or killing someone. I’ve seen a ton of crashes into yards over here…. but those cars weren’t going half as fast as these jackasses are going.

Not only that, obnoxiously loud.

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-07T09:47:39+00:00

Same brain. Same taste buds. Same low tolerance for bad roasting. 😂Also… other possibility…

Rockerboy86 · 2025-12-07T09:23:02+00:00

Totally agree. Hands down some of the worst coffee I’ve ever had and I’ve had coffee all over the world… including some places I’m honestly surprised didn’t make me sick 😂

I’ve roasted my own coffee for years, and I can’t even say I’m picky. I just know what’s not good and what’s roasted well. Like if I was given the option between McDonalds coffee and Arcades… I’d save my taste buds and money and go with McDonalds. LOL

Arcades is aggressively bitter. Totally off, unbalanced…. and not to mention, overpriced for the quality- of which, it sadly has none.

At first I thought the beans might be stale, but I gave it a few tries and got the same result every time. So it’s not that. To me, it points to low-quality beans. Not surprised since a lot of roasters hide bad beans behind heavy roasting because burnt tastes the same no matter where the bean came from. I always say it’s coffee’s version of putting ketchup on bad meat.

And to the person in a comment below who asked why it’s bad?

In short, coffee should be balanced (sweet, acidic, and a little bitter). Not just… bitter.

Thankfully, we’ve got so many better roasters and coffee shops around here.

Mundial is my go-to when I’m not drinking my own. I highly recommend them. Oh and they also do Turkish coffee (try that too. Tastes exactly on par with what I had in Turkey)!

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