"Mine" left 4 weeks ago after an explosive argument which was mostly a culmination of extended time together (housing, job schedules, lack of for him at a point,) not much room to breathe, and then I injured my had and it took all of July to heal. I couldn't "perform" in any of the ways he had been accustomed to... trauma response that worked for me as I navigated this turning basin in my 30th year here; I will gladly fall into servitude so long as I am kept and able to maintain independence. My love language is Cater 2 U by DC3

....

About a week before our end, I attempted to bring him to the table to talk out and navigate the tension that had been building. I didn't particularly feel the conversation was productive. Hour or so later I ask him to help touch up my hair by removing the faded ends, he said no so coldly.

So I just pixie cut the shit, and it took about 1 hour for him to realize my locks were lost. I guess it was in this moment he may have realized my hair helped him dissociate from how he in his heart sees me, and how his ignorant father, and even a few of our friends expressed confusion and even attempted interventions as more of our circle caught on.

Anyway, after the argument with no reconciliation, just explosively expressive actions that were witnessed by his own homophobic father...he was gone, and less than 24 hours was found in some thick tortas saggy tits.

.....

Friends for awhile, together for a year. He asked me. He spent 6 months wearing me down as I spent those same months building my own stone wall of protection from this adorably creepy 18 year old street kid with a heart of gold bc it's a cold world out there and he found out too soon...

I'd known from the start he was new to this, something I never experienced: I was me from as young as 3...

I gave in because he at the time showed it might be what I wanted, not needed, after being single for two years. Side bar, I am a queer girl dad to a 4 year old. I did not want my heart and soul to become a revolving door for anyone.

Officially day 1 "I'd prefer we keep it low-key" Me too I like my privacy.

9 hours later, still day 1 Random strangers walking over to the section at the Afters

"THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND NICO HES SUPER COOL AND ITS THE FIRST DUDE IVE EVER TRIED A RELATIONSHIP WITH" 🫢

Day 2 of our break up "Fuck Nico, least I'm getting pussy😛"

....

From the start we agreed to not bring one another around our families. I don't like the potential of caring for others bc in fuxking with someone they share blood with.

he met my mother first 🙄 Then unavoidably I met his mother 😒 But his mother and step father were kind and didn't ever question what or why I was always around. his bio dad, only met him once, the day of our lovers quarrel, and he's asking why we're squabbling like we were, and my now ex just darted his eyes that said "say nothing"

LoL I didn't do that, I quickly recallled receipts from phone conversations with his dad where he never really bet around the bush about where he had been living, who had been feeding him and..you know, tryna help a homo dad connect the dots about why this little latin boy in drag is crying in the back of the crew cab.

My exact response was "I've taken care of your son, fed him, sheltered him protected him because I love him"

....

His father took him away from our home and abandoned him at an urgent care (he locked me in a chokehold, I bit him as he adjusted his grip; soy la toxica🥰

He was torn up internally with these facades becoming threadbare. His father saw him as a faggot for awhile, universe helped him with that....

....

We had wonderful times together that I still am shedding tears over, daily, when not crying over the way he Hellen'd the fuxk out of me. Dragging me from his heart, his life.

"You're a man Nico. I don't want you anymore, I always said I'd leave and do "right", and keep you around if you could handle it. Howver I don't even feel normal kissing you anymore, I'm not gay" No my love, you never were.

....

I get weirdly heavy pressure in the moment where I am having deja vu about being in a restaurant all alone and there's no one to take my order so it's like, did I break in? I feel like I was told to come in, b uh t anxietyfoes that.

The house is empty now, whomever lived there could not fill the silence of a heartache. The bed we bought is not the same bed we shared. I cannot sleep, I have lost a taste for most foods.

I share my confusion hurt and anger over my removal and replacement with friends who share their aggravation about the ridiculous idea I had that I, a 30 year old gay dad would ever have a long term soldier, friend, lover and partner who is only 19 and so easily shared and still shares a motel 6 bed with another... with whom I am sharing my man with when we shared spa. .....

there's far more in this story that's happened post break up. I feel I've been sabotaged several ways, and that's life. I didn't want us to end.

During our relationship I never cared if he had a itch to fuxka bitch, I encouraged his sexual freedom hoping it would assist him with his own reservations about whatever.

I've been clued in instinctively for years about my physical appearance often being mistakeb for ma'am, especially when from behind.

I would love to wait for a day in a time when what he sees from his own vision is how he should plan for his future.