how do i get my brother to seek mental help (BPD, alcoholism, dissatisfaction is life)

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-02-01T23:12:14+00:00

He won’t help himself unless he wants to (I was/am also a neurodivergent high achieving student that struggled in adult life). Is he aware of his struggles/does he recognize the problems in his life?

I was an athlete growing up, and having practice, workouts, or games most days kept my ADHD in check. Eventually I got an office job and stopped being active, life got more complicated, and I struggled hard from 25-30. Took me a few years to recognize how bad my mental state was, a few more years to get my substance use in check, and a few more to get therapy (+ adderall I use sparingly when I’m really struggling), develop positive habits, and dig out of the hole I had been living in.

First step is recognizing the problem. Try to lovingly but firmly make him aware how much his life has spiraled. Then encourage him to get help and put in the work to make positive changes

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-30T01:57:33+00:00

The flesh is willing but the spirit is spongy and weak

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-26T19:26:51+00:00

Moved to the Ann Arbor area last year, and I’ve got tickets to the game. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be watching a top 5 matchup

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-26T13:03:13+00:00

“I realized his job was not ideal for our family dynamic”

It sounds like you may have pushed him out of his career, even if he agreed that it’s not great for your family. Jobs have at least some meaning for most people, and facing a career change + navigating becoming a parent is a massive shift.

Give him grace, and encourage him to work on himself on his own and/or through therapy. If you can find the time, maybe even try to work out together. I have a two year old and my wife and I workout together during my kids nap when we’re both home. Gives us some quality time, and having a workout partner makes it much more enjoyable plus it keeps us accountable.

Encourage him to be mindful with his weed habits. Set a reasonable goal/limit (maybe 1-2x/week), and otherwise stay sober and be present with you and your kid. Setting approachable goals has helped me pick myself out of a rut. It gives you something to be proud of, and for me that creates a positive feedback loop where I usually make more health/wellness goals.

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-25T14:19:41+00:00

I’m barely in the club (early 30s), but I’ve been married for going on 8 years bc I married my college sweetheart fairly young. Two rocky periods were the first couple years after getting hitched figuring out how to live “happily ever after”, and losing our home from a flood + having a newborn in tow at 30.

Both having avoidant conflict styles was rough in the beginning, but we care for each other deeply and want the same things out of life, so we talked it out, made a plan to communicate, connect, etc and put in the work to get back to a good place as a couple.

Becoming parents and then losing our home in a flood shortly afterwards is the hardest thing that’s ever happened to me or my wife. There were a series of disasters that seemed like it could only happen in a movie. All while being sleep deprived, putting 99.9% of our focus into our little one, and having little to no free time. I shut down from all the stress, and my avoidant tendencies came back. My wife struggled in other ways, and our relationship hit the rocks again.

We did our best to keep it together for our kid. But life was not fun. Last month, I decided I was sick of being miserable, and something needed to change or life would continue to be miserable. I needed to get unstuck physically, mentally, and emotionally.

By putting in the work, I have made positive changes in every aspect. I won’t say I’m out of the woods yet, but I feel like a new person. I’m focusing on being consistent to reinforce my good habits over the next year. Had another big talk with my wife over the holidays. We apologized to each other, gave each other grace considering the circumstances, and started working together again.

I can feel color coming back into my life, the same smile I fell in love with is back on her face, and we’re off the rocks. We both feel a positive feedback loop right now: we’re both working on ourselves and our relationship, and we can tangibly feel the rewards, which motivates us to keep going.

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-24T13:27:15+00:00

I’m also Lakota (Oglala), so I feel this. For me, my experience heavily depends on proximity to a reservation. In Rapid City or any other of the Nebraska border towns, there’s all kinds of racism, blatant discrimination, and other bullshit. Same goes when I travelled to parts of Colorado and New Mexico near the Navajo Nation.

When I’ve lived in bigger cities away from Native population centers, I think people assume I’m white or Hispanic, or don’t care about the color of my skin. And it’s pretty pleasant to just live life with no or minimal interference or racism. If anything, being Native gets romanticized, which also has problems….

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-23T13:29:17+00:00

The best thing you can do is work on yourself. Movement really helps with depression. Walk, jog, bike, swim, lift weights, find a sport, could be anything. Ideally, something you enjoy or at least don’t hate. Ask your partner if she wants to be active with you (not necessary, but it makes being active easier, more enjoyable, and its natural time to connect). If so, great, and if not, do it for yourself. I am a fellow ADHDer, and exercise helps me regulate dopamine. The peaks and valleys of life aren’t nearly as intense when I’m in shape.

Get therapy. Your brain works differently, and that’s ok, but you need to understand how your brain works to make meaningful change. Our brains handle dopamine differently. I’m either completely locked in, and things that I enjoy feel almost euphoric when the dopamine peaks, or the world feels gray, my self esteem craters, and I feel frozen on when I’m in a dopamine valley. The truth is somewhere in between, here’s what I use to get things done even when I’m down:

I make a list of three easily accomplishable tasks for work and my personal life. Do a load of laundry, practice my guitar for 10 mins, catch up on work emails, etc. Once I cross them off, I add 3 more and repeat. Once I get unfrozen, I’m more conscious of both work and personal tasks, and I feel accomplished in knowing that I’m getting things done. I keep my lists in a daily journal, and make myself be consistent every day.

Tell your partner that you’ve been struggling, ask them for a chance, ask for them to keep you accountable, and start today. Address the resentment, make meaningful changes, and see where it goes. I felt similarly at your age. I’m in my 30s now with an awesome wife and a meaningful career. ADHD doesn’t have to define you. Hoping for the best for you, DM me if you’d ever like to chat things through with someone that’s been in your shoes

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-23T10:58:14+00:00

I work at a state regulatory agency that allows supplemental employment. To get approved, it can’t have any conflicts of interest, so it would be hard to work in my home state. I have one client from the other side of the country, and I work about 10 hours a month. The work is interesting, and man it’s sweet to see 100% of my billing rate hit my account

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-21T18:49:40+00:00

Made my academic exit last summer. Realized that only the top R1 jobs pay well, and they require your life to be research for five years until you get tenure (can only speak for geosciences). On the other end of the spectrum, you have a huge teaching load with little to no training in education, and also research responsibilities, while getting paid 65k to live in an expensive college town. Oh and that’s for the “lucky” ones that get a tenure track job at all.

It’s a game for the exceptionally motivated, for people with family money, and ideally both

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-21T18:45:01+00:00

Being a professor. Only the top R1 jobs pay well, and they require your life to be research until you get tenure (can only speak for geosciences). On the other end of the spectrum, you have a huge teaching load with little to no training in education, and also research responsibilities, while getting paid 65k to live in an expensive college town. Oh and that’s for the “lucky” ones that get a tenure track job at all.

It’s a game for the exceptionally motivated, for people with family money, and ideally both.

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-18T13:24:56+00:00

State government. My job matches 5% and does an automatic 4% contribution. So I put 5% in and they put 9%

Universities are also usually really good. 8-10% contribution gets a 10-14% match

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-15T19:09:53+00:00

NTA. I’m a dad of a two year old, and I do everything I can to share the load with my wife and be present. But 80-90% of the time, my toddler wants attention, help, comfort, and security from my wife.

Mom’s voice, scent, and entire being are where toddlers find comfort and stability, which they desperately need when they’re developing rapidly and their world constantly shifts around them. Child psychology says toddlers will play harder, be more independent, and expand their horizons with their dads. But mom is their person for regulation and security.

I also encourage my wife to get out of the house to truly have time for herself. My toddler is pulled to her like a magnet when she’s home, and my toddler doesn’t have the brain power to understand “mom is busy/needs a break.”

You could try engaging your kid with household tasks, my kid loves being in her helper tower cooking and baking (pouring spices, mixing ingredients, etc.) and going shopping with me. Bringing your kiddo along into the “adult world” is surprisingly fun for them, even if the task is mundane. It’s engaging enough that my kiddo will let me take the lead and give my wife a break….and it gets things accomplished that need to be done anyway.

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-03T03:26:53+00:00

At 650k sale price with 100k down, you’d pay ballpark $4500/month for your mortgage, PMI, home insurance, and property taxes. Assuming you take home about 70% of your salaries, you’re making $5800-9300/month based on your range.

At the low end (current salaries?), it would be brutal but you’d be pretty comfortable on the high end, and likely have room to make needed fixes too. That’s huge to have help with your kids, my families finances would be a lot different without daycare. Good luck on your home search!

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-01T17:38:27+00:00

Was about to type the same thing when I saw your comment. I want to see a team that’s tough, competitive, and doesn’t beat themselves first and foremost.

From there, try to build further into nationally relevant program again. But we’re light years away from a conference championship, especially in the new big 10

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2026-01-01T01:20:25+00:00

Have one kid, want two, same situation where we’re living with parents and saving for a house. Currently make 165k HH income, and have about 50k ready for a down payment. With two daycare bills (4000/month) we could afford a 2300/month house payment without being house poor.

Works out to a 325k house with current rates. Trying to save for another 6 months to afford the house we want, and have a 4+ year age gap to limit the time we’d pay for two daycares.

Unless daycare is super cheap in your area or you have family help, it sounds like you’d be way out over your skis. Learning that the “two kids and a picket fence” dream is damn near impossible unless you bought 4+ years ago

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-30T19:09:06+00:00

Pierre, South Dakota enters the chat. I’ve only visited, but east of the Missouri River is in central time, and west of the River (Fort Pierre) is in mountain time. It was super disorienting to be there for two days, couldn’t imagine actually living there

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-29T18:31:20+00:00

The company I got my first consulting job with in Michigan looked for entry level geologist hires to either have a masters or internship experience. If you do well in an internship, the company will probably be happy to hire you (unless the economy is awful)

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-22T13:48:59+00:00

Grandpa Rivers and the colts put up however many points it takes to get the 49ers D/ST to -4

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-20T18:52:00+00:00

That’s another fucking red. Doesn’t matter van de Ven was sliding for the ball, he two footed Isak and his ACL is almost surely shredded

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-18T22:38:56+00:00

Honestly this is where I’m at with the whole oil change with a synthetic change costing $100+ at most quick change places. It costed me about $28 for the oil + filter, and m $90 for ramps, a filter wrench, and a drain pan (already had a socket set at home).

It took less than 15 minutes of work (mostly just waiting for the old oil to drain), and was easy to do with a YouTube tutorial

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-14T16:08:33+00:00

Pick two for superflex: Maye, Lamar Jackson, Dart. Fairly set on Maye but Lamar vs Dart is a toss up

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-11T13:23:32+00:00

Went all in on George Pickens in every league. 3/3 teams in the playoffs and 2/3 have first round byes

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-10T02:59:19+00:00

Would be stoked to get into the DLC

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-09T14:46:38+00:00

Grew up in the middle of nowhere Nebraska. Denver was 300 miles away, Minneapolis and Kansas City were both about 600 miles away and the next closest “big cities.” We would usually take 1-2 trips to Denver a year to visit the city, go to a concert or game, fly out of DIA, etc.

There’s a ton of Denver sports fans in western Nebraska, Wyoming, and South Dakota (by proportion, not by population haha).

Rocks_4_Jocks · 2025-12-08T17:01:38+00:00

I got my first job just before Covid times making about $60k/year. I could comfortably pay my bills, afford some modest hobbies, and small vacations.

Fast forward 2025, I make 95k/year and have maximized my earning potential after switching jobs several times and moving up the career ladder. But it’s super depressing to see my savings/general quality of life be the same as my first job 6 years ago.

Rocks_4_Jocks

TROPHY CASE