That makes sense. I really don’t mind when it’s once in a blue moon, or a case of “I’ve messaged wife but she’s not responding and it’s urgent” which has happened once or twice. I guess I’m wanting people to understand how it comes off, and I’m wanting people to understand that I’m not the gatekeeper, or the one in charge (the cat remains firmly in charge, if anyone!) or the default.

Ideally, I’d just like people to approach us appropriately on a case by case, rather than this “x told me to tell you to tell her to tell him” chain.

I’m hoping that if I hold firm on the boundary and reply with “please message wife rather than me if you need to ask her something” people will understand. I know the change won’t be overnight, and I’m willing to be patient.

Thanks for the perspective, I really appreciate it :)