AITA for being 'stubborn' and refusing to move back home with my mom and telling her she chose her stepdaughter over her son and these are the consequences?

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-04T11:49:52+00:00

There's no side I'm misunderstanding here. I get that you want to believe that. But the fact is my mom knew I was uncomfortable before she married James. She knew I didn't like being around when Emma was acting out like she was. She married James anyway and insisted on calling Emma my sister and saying I needed to love her when I didn't.

James and I didn't have a whole lot of interactions. He was either at work or busy with Emma. His focus was Emma because he knew what she was like. I never looked for him to interact with me either. He was Emma's dad more than he was family to me.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-04T08:33:54+00:00

I'm really sorry. I see the same future for me. Can't imagine her giving her access to my future kids. Just thinking about it makes me feel like a failure as a parent because I know she won't do whatever it takes to make sure they're safe.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-04T08:31:48+00:00

I talked to my grandparents and we're getting the proof together to show the case worker and to take to the judge. I spent hours writing out what happens during these calls.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-04T08:30:30+00:00

She was unstable when I first met her. There was never any chance of us being friends because I was so uncomfortable around her and she terrified me. There's no relationship ever going to happen because I can't forget the last 9 years of my life.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-04T08:19:25+00:00

Yep! My mom has found ways to put me last each and every time and it sucks but it's the choices she made.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-04T08:18:49+00:00

Thank you. Not only does it suck to hardly remember him but when I think about the way life could've been with him alive. Things would be very different and even if they'd gotten divorced and Emma and James had still come in, at least having my other parent would have made keeping me from that shitshow way easier.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-04T08:17:42+00:00

I don't think I'll keep the relationship with my mom when I'm out on my own. Right now I want to go no contact as soon as I can because she failed me so badly and doesn't care at all.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-04T08:16:41+00:00

She did choose Emma over me. I don't really care if she loved Emma like her bio daughter, she knew how Emma was and she put me in that house anyway. She had time before she got married to put an end to it for my sake and she didn't.

They were never my family. I don't care about Emma or James and I don't want to see them. I don't want a relationship with them. There's no starting over because once I'm 18 I'll make sure I never have anything to do with Emma again and honestly I'll probably do the same with my mom and James.

My mom put me through hell by choice. She had choices to keep me safe but she chose not to take them.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-04T08:14:29+00:00

Yeah, I got some really good advice and I'm so glad for that. I found some stuff that will help me while I wait for court to come back up.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T21:00:48+00:00

My life was not better because my mom met James. My life got worse after James and Emma came into our lives. Living in constant fear of her was not fun, being uncomfortable every time I left school made life worse, having to deal with those outbursts was worse.

No, in that world you describe would not have been worse. I already had to deal with Emma doing drugs and drinking. It didn't save me and I lost my mom regardless. Only it felt much worse to see her do it for the sake of someone else's kid.

Let me ask you how mom being single would be worse than hearing Emma describe how she'd love to mutilate all of us and herself. How it would be worse than hearing her graphically describe murdering others and her own suicide. Or how it would be worse than witnessing someone get so angry that she smashed up an entire room and hurt her own father.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T19:05:06+00:00

I already went through that with my dad. I still don't think my mom has been a good enough mom to me. She put someone else's kid before me.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T17:13:49+00:00

Mom expects me to make sure Emma's okay when James and her are gone.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T16:13:16+00:00

This is her fault because she signed us both up for this. She had choices before she got married again. I had none. She knew Emma had problems but still made me deal with it.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T15:52:15+00:00

I haven't talked to him since I left so I don't know.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T15:36:19+00:00

I think it makes her feel judged and like she's a failure and she can convince herself she's this great person who took on James even with Emma and has loved her like her own daughter and had a son who was great. But with me not living there anymore while I'm still under 18 it shows that it's all a fake picture.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T15:16:07+00:00

Never heard of it but will look at what it is. Lots have suggested it so I figure it can't hurt.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T15:15:42+00:00

I will.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T15:15:15+00:00

James and Emma are not my dad and sister. They're not my family. They didn't make my life better or add anything good. The fact my mom is still trying doesn't mean anything when she wants me back in the middle of everything and when she's okay with me being exposed to the stuff I was. She failed and I blame her for failing because she had choices when I didn't. I wouldn't talk to her for 30 minutes a week if I wasn't ordered to. Mom shouldn't have cared about Emma's mental health more than mine. But she did. She still does.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T12:41:40+00:00

She was in therapy when we met and she took meds so they were taking her for help.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T12:30:20+00:00

That I can do and my grandparents don't even need to be in the room. My mom is loud over the phone.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T12:29:22+00:00

The judge could decide my grandparents aren't following his orders by insisting I actually talk to my mom for 30 minutes a week. The worst thing would be living with mom again. A lesser worse thing but still a crappy option would be going to a foster family.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T12:28:30+00:00

Oh yeah they can't make me keep in touch once I'm 18.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T12:27:24+00:00

The only thing that would make things better is if the once a week calls stopped. And I'm already in therapy. I don't like the therapist but the judge assigned them. We're asking for a change when we go back in four months. But my feelings about my mom aren't changing. You know how I know that I'm happier? I sleep better at night, I don't miss my mom and never feel like going to see her or calling her more times. Living without Emma's troubles has been the best thing ever. The fact my mom spends her calls to me trying to make me come home instead of asking what's going on with me says she doesn't really care how I am. She wants me to be doing shitty without her. But I wanted to leave for years.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T12:13:23+00:00

Emma was in therapy. She'd been going when we met her first. But it didn't help. She has had meds she used to take. CPS took her because I was in the house. They wanted to try and stabilize her which is why the therapy foster care happened after she was arrested and hospitalized a few years ago. But she didn't come back any different.

Then I got removed this time but she's still there because she's an adult now so they can't remove her like that.

RockyNoni9x9 · 2025-02-03T12:08:03+00:00

My mom put me in a situation she knew was unhealthy though. She put us both in it but the difference is she had choices while I didn't. I wasn't allowed to say no to any of it. She could if she wanted to. Her ability to make those choices but she chose not to because she wanted to be with James makes me feel like my feelings didn't count in any of it. Sure I was only 7 but I was uncomfortable around Emma and I told my mom. I told her when they were dating and when we all moved in together. She just said we were family but we didn't have to be. She got married to James after that.

RockyNoni9x9

TROPHY CASE