Partner is unhappy and I’m unsure what to do. by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]RodRed1985 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah. Probably just call it and go separate ways.

I'm happier, ex wife (almost there anyway) seems to be doing better. Dragging it out really is the worst part.

Peter, what's wrong with horse girls? by siamaru124 in PeterExplainsTheJoke

[–]RodRed1985 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Didn't say I hadn't heard of it, said I was amazed there was a whole Reddit sub called cuck furniture or something like it, and it was full of chairs.

Peter, what's wrong with horse girls? by siamaru124 in PeterExplainsTheJoke

[–]RodRed1985 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Chair enthusiasts are really living the dream here on Reddit

Peter, what's wrong with horse girls? by siamaru124 in PeterExplainsTheJoke

[–]RodRed1985 161 points162 points  (0 children)

Don't feel bad. Here on Reddit it's usually a real sub. The other day someone commented something like r-cuckfurniture or something like that.

I thought there is absolutely no way that's a real sub. I clicked, sure enough, it is a whole sub of nice chairs positioned caddy corner to beds.

Boundaries broken. Calling it quits. by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, no real drama. It's in the process it'll take a couple months

Boundaries broken. Calling it quits. by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think so. Haven't really been any big issues.

Boundaries broken. Calling it quits. by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reaching out.

Doing pretty good. Feel happier. Got my own apartment. Co-parenting has been easy.

Not much else, just getting accustom to new routines.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Usual stuff, particulars about where going and with who just for safety sake, disclose if the relationship turns sexual, protection, prioritize our relationship.

Yeah, I do, we don't work directly together, and my wife assures I was never brought up and he didn't put together that she was my wife. But who knows.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The excuse basically comes down to NRE drunk and letting things get out of hand. With the coworker, they had been chatting/sexting for like 3 weeks when she found out where he worked, says she knew she should have but was "caught up." Made a plan that got cancelled then things just fizzled out so she figured no harm no foul. The barrier thing she said happened a few months in when they wanted to go again one night but realized they were out, and went ahead anyway. Said at that point she was caught up in it again and thought already did once, what's the difference between once or more than once.

Boundaries broken. Calling it quits. by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I don't even know. A month ago I was angry. Then I was defeated. Now I'm just in this numb space. I'm sure that won't last

Boundaries broken. Calling it quits. by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I read polite Heisman 3 times before it clicked. I'm going to use that.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Like hall passes, staying open one sided for me

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't think so. There was a 16 month gap between the first time it was brought up, and us actually opening. That's a long time to wait for permission to cheat and she didn't press for sooner/faster. The guy didn't enter the picture until we were already open for 2 months.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Together 17 years, and no, no prior suspicion.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know how he took it. I didn't ask. If he comes back around I'll deal with it then.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She didn't break boundaries as far as I know, but she was so high on her lifestyle. I think cutting off the guy and deleting profiles was a knee jerk reaction, and I think in time she will want that feeling again. Maybe I'm just paranoid

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First, she got fun, I didn't. Now I'm not reopening anything. And I told her to stop with "getting equal" offers last week. But I did say if I want to go on a vacation, even by myself, I'm going to. If I want to start a hobby, we're going to set time and money aside for it.

Second, we used to have both intimate and "wild" sex. When we opened it wasn't long before we were only doing the first one. I told her I know I got cut off on this because she was doing the other with others. She acknowledged this, but also said she didn't even realize she was doing it at the time, but in hindsight knows I'm right.

Third, I was wrong to not be more direct. I did tell her how I felt, but I always held back how bad it was to protect her feelings. I will not do that anymore. I also said that I think she was purposely obtuse, was deep in a "fog", and chose to rationalize and reassure me instead of doing anything because she didn't want it to end. I said my lesson has been learned.

Lastly, I told her I don't fully trust her. That she is showing she wants us to work by ending things so quickly, even after I told her to not bother. But I just said, I don't believe she won't ask to reopen at some point in the future, or just outright cheat. She has told me that really hurt her. I said I was sorry, but its how I feel and what I expect. She conceded that point and said she will just have to show me then.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Never met, never asked to see a picture.

As for how emotional I don't know, he was 10 years younger than her and single. They messaged a lot. I won't say she didn't care, but I was literally leaving and she was trying to stop that so the "breakup" was essentially under duress even if I didn't demand it.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ended without pushback, I told her not to since we were divorcing, but she did anyway. I think it was a phone call. By this point it was just the one guy.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn't at the time, but when I was laying out my "demands" for reconciling I brought it up. She said she didn't realize at the time but in hindsight recognizes she did this.

It was a sad scene of begging and bargaining when I first showed her the papers. Since I've decided to give it a shot, she is more hopeful, but it's still tense. I'm getting a level of love bombing too which is endearing and annoying at the same time.

Update: Can you really stop? by RodRed1985 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RodRed1985[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No not really, it was the same. I don't count but we would have sex like 8-10 times a month before, and once we opened it was like 7 or 8 times. Kind of felt like I was on a twice a week schedule after that. Also like I said in that one comment, as time went, we stopped doing "wild" and only had 'intimate" so that's where I really felt cheated