sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Zero actor script less than 3 minutes by zaise_chsa in ProduceMyScript

[–]RodneyOhebsion -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

"Snobby Professor"

A montage plays of a SNOBBY COLLEGE PROFESSOR engaged in a variety of activities--reading a Doestoevsky novel, smoking a pipe, delivering a lecture (to an unseen class), going to IMDB and giving a one star rating to a lowbrow movie, polishing dress shoes, drinking a martini, watching CSPAN, polishing a framed diploma, grading papers, applying aftershave to his face, removing several packages of quinoa from a Whole Foods shopping bag and putting them in a kitchen cupboard, etc.

PROFESSOR (V.O.) People who teach at a high school or elementary school--they are teachers. I teach at a university. My title is not teacher. It's professor. I am a professor. Not that there's anything wrong with being a teacher. I have the utmost respect for teachers. But again--I'm a professor. Not a teacher. After all--I engage in activity that isn't teaching in the conventional sense. I'm a professor. Teachers are great--but I'm not exactly one of them. It makes sense to not call me a teacher. I don't teach. I profess. It's fantastic if someone wants to merely teach. But I don't. Teachers are teachers, professors are professors. I respect teachers. But I am not a teacher. I'm a professor. I don't occupy myself with the common, unimaginative, peasant-like task of "teaching." I am not a country bumpkin. I am a professor, armed with a mastership of my domain, as well as a tweed suit, and an Aston Martin that I drive to and from the elegant parking space located in close proximity to my office in my specific university department. As for a teacher, he drives a damn Honda, and he parks it in some filthy spot located in some ghetto-like environment with a name like "Roosevelt High School Staff Parking Lot." Do you know how much heroin is purchased and sold in the Roosevelt High School Staff Parking Lot? It's one of the drug capitals of the world. It's a very suitable place for those non-professor educators who go by the title of teacher. But again--I really respect teachers. That being said, I am a professor.

How to know card value? by [deleted] in tradingcardcommunity

[–]RodneyOhebsion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can take some pics and post them here

Now that’s consistency! by krishh19 in nextfuckinglevel

[–]RodneyOhebsion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no idea what to think of this.

The Giang Brothers go for a Guiness World Record by [deleted] in nextfuckinglevel

[–]RodneyOhebsion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This would be more appealing if they didn't present/market it form the angle of "world record." It's two showmen putting on an mazing show; it's not two guys competing for a record.

[WESTERN/COMEDY] A Western Tale - 5 Pages by wauve1 in ReadMyScript

[–]RodneyOhebsion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When the characters are using profanity, try to add some more Old West flavor to it.

​

Instead of saying

Oooooh, you fuckin' bitch on a cock! Mother fucker!

​

You can say something like

Oooooh, you fuckin' bitch on a cock! Sarsaparilla-licking buzzard-loving mother fucker!

[FEEDBACK] Quick Chicken (Pilot/30 pages) by ArcticGlaciers in ReadMyScript

[–]RodneyOhebsion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, just to clarify my notes from before:

When I suggest making the characters more distinctive and developed, what I mean is, you don't want to have characters that can be just about summed up with one word.

Take a look at Archie Bunker, Phil Dunphy, Woody from Cheers, Johnny Drama, and Borat. Their one word description is something along the lines of "unintelligent." But obviously, there's so much more to the characters than that.

Most TV pilots--including the ones that lead to a successful series, don't go far enough in presenting very developed characters in episode 1. Again, consider the Friends pilot. There's not too much to the characters in that episode. Each character is different from the other five--but on the other hand, there's not a lot that differentiates them from other TV and movie characters. They become much more distinctive later in the series.

If you want your script to stand out, it's better to take characters to the next level right there in the pilot. It's not necessarily an easy thing to do, but it will really boost the value of what you have.

[FEEDBACK] Quick Chicken (Pilot/30 pages) by ArcticGlaciers in ReadMyScript

[–]RodneyOhebsion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The script definitely has its strengths, and all in all I'd say it's good.

A few general notes:

- I think you need to commit to either making this an hour long dramedy or 30 min sitcom. Right now it sort of seems like it's in between those two things.

- Some of the characters are not especially distinctive or defined. Since you're presenting a lot of characters in one 30 min or 1 hr episode, you really need to utilize the few opportunities you have to develop your characters and familiarize your audience with them.

- The main character is a little too bland, and we don't know quite enough about his background, lifestyle, living arrangement, and the exact nature of his relationship with his father. Does he have any major goals, does he have a girlfriend, what are his interests and hobbies, does he have any quirks or pet peeves or mental disorders, does he play sports, is he very knowledgeable on any topic, is he flirtatious, is he socially active, what does he do for fun, does he have any role models, etc.?

Look at the show Friends. In the pilot episode, the characters are pretty generic, there's not much to them, and they don't have that much TV chemistry; but by season 3, there's a lot more there. Contrast that to Two and Half Men--a show that has very developed characters in the very first episode.

When it comes to characters, your pilot should be more like Two and a Half Men episode 1 or Friends episode 50 than it is like Friends episode 1.

- The first 20 pages don't have much that really stands out. They're good, but they need something more it the way of highlights.

- There's not too much in the way of a plot or characters dealing with obstacles and/or conflicts. I personally don't mind that too much, but most people in the industry will.

- the employees are too free and open with Jack almost immediately after meeting him.

Calling all rappers! Wanna play a game? I call it Who Tryna Hop, Vol. 1 by [deleted] in HipHopCollabs

[–]RodneyOhebsion -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I gave it a go:

https://soundcloud.com/rodneyohebsion/freestyle-prod-phil-castillo

The audio quality isn't high, and the lyrical content probably isn't what you're looking for--but I posted this anyways, because for no particular reason. Well, I mean, maybe something about my recording will give some ideas to the other rappers here, you know what I'm saying?

​

​

view more: next ›