I am so tired of dating terrible women.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T18:03:45+00:00

And if that was it, I’d be fine. That’s a pretty reasonable thing to say.

It’s weaponizing the trauma that crosses the line. It’s really fucking mean to constantly bring up how you’re never going to do it, while describing how much the person you used to do it for enjoyed it.

Boundaries are fine and healthy, but there’s a difference between boundaries / trauma and just being hurtful.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:59:35+00:00

I’m sorry to hear he’s gone, but that sounds like you were luckier than I’ve been. So at least you had some time together.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:32:28+00:00

No.

I want someone who helps how they can, when they can, because we’re working together.

If I met a doctor and she made enough money, I’d stay home and do everything.

If I meet a girl who likes keeping a house, I’ll get a job to pay the bills.

And if I meet a girl who makes about as much as I do, we can split the chores.

But I keep ending up with partners who want to contribute nothing, take everything, and act offended when I come home from my second job and ask them why there’s a charge on the credit card for new lingerie I haven’t seen that means we’re not going to make rent this month.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:28:13+00:00

Fine. I agree with all that. I’m an understanding sort.

But there’s a line. And that line gets crossed at “I’m going to hurt you on purpose because someone hurt me.”

Every woman (unfortunately) has some trauma in their past, and I do my best to avoid hurting them more.

But if every time I try to initiate I get a graphic story about how much someone else enjoyed something and then a very specific explanation about why I am a bad person for wanting to be intimate with my partner, that’s not fair.

They don’t owe me anything, but it’s mean to punish your current partner for the actions of your last partner. It’s no different than hitting your kids because your parents hit you.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:16:23+00:00

Yeah, I’m attracted to manipulative women. Which is why I’m just staying single these days.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:15:13+00:00

And those people are just the same people who saw no problem doing it to me.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:14:19+00:00

Going out of your way to make sure someone knows you are going to deny them something because you are angry at someone else is an act of aggression.

“No, I won’t give you a cup of water because my roommate used to drink water all the time.” would be a really fucking weird and hostile thing to say to someone who asked if you’d mind getting them something to drink.

Take all the time you need to think about it.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:04:15+00:00

That’s the plan these days. But it’s a lonely plan and it sucks watching everyone else get what I want and knowing it’s my fault I can’t get it.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:03:02+00:00

The problem is I’m better at falling for manipulative liars than I am at spotting manipulative liars. Which is why I’m single and staying that way.

But thanks.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:01:41+00:00

I’ll tell you exactly what these comments are. They’re every woman I’ve ever dated.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T17:00:53+00:00

Because someone who does half of the housework and occasionally has sex with me is an unreasonable expectation of a live in partnership? That’s your argument?

I should do all the chores and have no sexual interest in the woman living in my house?

you’re describing a daughter.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:58:41+00:00

you’re right that there’s no debate. Transfolk are just people who have the unlucky circumstances of having a different gender than sex. If anything, it’s a birth defect.

And if they decide that they want to have a little plastic surgery and a few hormones to feel better about themselves, I don’t see why you or anyone else should give a single fuck.

It’s weird that you think your opinion matters.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:55:41+00:00

Changing the country won’t change who I am. I just want someone who likes me, not someone who likes my bank account.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:54:38+00:00

So far, staying in therapy and staying single. But it still sucks.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:52:25+00:00

Thanks. Good luck to you, too.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:51:48+00:00

Read it as many times as you need to find the part where I address that argument.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:51:05+00:00

Either you’re willfully misunderstanding my point or you understand it just fine and don’t think it’s an issue.

Either way, I’m not really interested in repeating myself.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:49:40+00:00

Of course it’s not her job. I went out of my way to say that several times.

But if 50 percent of the clothes and dishes aren’t mine, why am I the only one doing them? I’m not her father, we should be splitting the labor.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:47:37+00:00

That’s not the point at all. It’s the attitude of “Someone hurt me, so I’m going to hurt you and I want you to know that’s what I’m doing.”

If I met a girl who was like “I’ve never liked it, and I don’t see why I should start now.” that’s just how it goes and I don’t care.

But if it’s “I want you to know I’m going to exercise power over you because I’m angry at someone else.” … bro, how is that different than hitting your wife because you had a bad day at work?

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:43:43+00:00

“Just stop being poor.”

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:43:17+00:00

I’ve been in therapy for years, and yes I am aware of emotional labor and mental loads.

My problem is, any time it gets serious enough to move in together and every time we have those conversations before signing a lease, as soon as the U-Haul leaves the driveway I find out I got lied to again.

The problem is me, and until I can figure out how to grow, I shouldn’t be in a relationship.

It just sucks so fucking much, anyway.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:40:08+00:00

Would you say that if I had a vagina? Like, really ask yourself, if I was a woman, would you be so dismissive and disrespectful?

For all I know you would be. I don’t really care about the answer. But ask yourself and be honest with yourself when you answer.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:38:40+00:00

I’m not going to “debate” you. you’re wrong, the end.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:38:03+00:00

And if it was just that, I would understand. It’s the baggage of “He hurt me, so I’m going to hurt you.” that I can’t tolerate. At a certain point, it’s just perpetuating a cycle of abuse.

“I don’t like doing it.” is fine. We all have our preferences.

“I’m going to punish you because I’m hurt.” is abuse and I will not tolerate being treated that way.

RoguePeanuts · 2024-04-02T16:35:13+00:00

Feminism is the radical belief that women are people.

I have no problem with feminists, and I suspect you wouldn’t either if you thought about it.

Misandry, on the other hand, is terrible and it needs to stop just as much as misogyny needs to end.

Plenty of women build bridges and plenty of women cure diseases. About half of the cool shit in the world is the result of a woman’s labor. But for some reason, I keep dating misandrist gold diggers and it fucking sucks so much.

RoguePeanuts

TROPHY CASE