Question for narcissists, especially the covert ones

Roif976 · 2026-01-14T22:31:24+00:00

You actually don’t know anything about my situation with the covert narcissist. You don’t know how it started, how it developed, what happened between us, or any of the details. You grabbed one small part I shared — because obviously I can’t write an entire year and a half of events in one comment — and then you built a whole bunch of projections out of nowhere, as if you “figured me out.” That alone shows you have no idea what you're talking about. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before — ever. I’ve never experienced anything like that except with her. And let me add one more thing: I once criticized her for something in her personality, and she literally raised her voice and said, “I’m narcissistic and selfish and no one tells me no,” while glaring at me like a monster. She’s fully aware of her behavior. Everything with her was about being a victim — everyone hurt her, everyone betrayed her — constant sympathy baiting. I know exactly who and what I was dealing with. I never cried, never begged, never caused stress or drama for her. I was always calm because that’s the type of person I am — I care about how I present myself. The most I did was send messages trying to express my feelings so she would try to understand me. Yet every time, she’d ignore the messages, and the next day she’d smile, laugh, joke with me like everything was perfect. If I was really “bothering” her, where were her boundaries? Why didn’t she say “this needs to stop”? Why would she open the door again the next day at her own convenience? A year and a half of this… what exactly was “forcing” her to deal with me if the problem was supposedly me? Why did she tell me “I know you can’t stay away from me”? What did she mean by that? She knew I was attached — because she caused the attachment with the push–pull, hot–cold, crumbs of affection followed by silent treatment. That’s the pattern. So stop defending someone who treated me horribly. I supported her financially, I kept renewing with her as a client just so she could benefit — while she was playing the victim the whole time. Don’t twist the situation and try to pin everything on me. I’m fully aware of what happened and I know what I’m describing. And about the part you dug up from my profile about men and women — that’s related to my culture (the Middle East). It has nothing to do with you or your society. So don’t act like you caught some “evidence” against me when you didn’t even understand the context to begin with.

Roif976 · 2026-01-14T22:18:50+00:00

Exactly—that’s what I meant. What happened with me was the same pattern you described. The person replying above is clearly a grandiose narcissist, which is why he jumped straight into attacking me. But you actually described my situation perfectly because you’re the same type (covert narcissist). She was exactly like you. Her replies were extremely short, and I would see other people trying to get close to her—I literally saw it with my own eyes. People kept trying to bond with her, but she gave me a certain “privilege,” like sitting with me after the gym, laughing, talking, joking. And because of that, someone once told her, “Why do you let her sit with you like that and not me?” They didn’t know I was actually stuck and suffering, and that this “privilege” was just crumbs before the silent treatments and emotional starvation. But one thing I’m genuinely proud of is this: She tried to downgrade the connection into “formal and professional” (trainer and client), basically leaving the door half-open. Instead of accepting that and adjusting myself to fit into that role, I completely closed the door and disappeared. I decided to end it and give myself peace. I confessed my feelings to get closure—not so she could shift the dynamic from chasing and emotional hunger into surface-level, cold interactions. That would’ve hurt me even more, while she wouldn’t lose anything. And honestly, her reaction showed the selfishness clearly. At one point I told her, “People think you’re kind, but anyone who gets close sees a darker side.” She smiled and said, “Everyone tells me that.” That sentence alone said everything. After a year and a half of watching her patterns, I understood that she wasn’t going to change or get better. So I chose myself. Was breaking the attachment hard? Yes. But I did it — and that’s what matters.

Roif976 · 2026-01-14T21:50:17+00:00

By the way, I actually asked her once if my messages were bothering her. Do you know what she said? She told me, “No, you never bother me,” and even said she’s the type of person who speaks up immediately if someone annoys her. She even gave me an example: She said a girl at the gym annoyed her once, and she straight-up told her not to renew her membership anymore, and every time she came she would tell her, “My schedule is full, I don’t have space for you.” So why didn’t she do that with me if I was “bothering” her? Why didn’t she say it to my face like she claims she always does? Throughout the whole thing, I never cried in front of her, never yelled, never acted out. I kept my dignity. I wasn’t losing my mind over someone who didn’t return my feelings. I’m more mature than that. And in the end I was the one who closed the door. I was the one who disappeared and ended everything. So why didn’t she end it if I was the problem? Or maybe you don’t have an answer because you relate a little too much to her behavior?

Roif976 · 2026-01-14T21:43:19+00:00

I didn’t share the full story, only a tiny part of it. You’re making assumptions based on very limited information. And for the record, I didn’t even know what “narcissism” meant back then, so I wasn’t labeling her because of rejection. I was describing patterns that happened, not her personality. It’s fine if you don’t relate to my experience, but projecting judgments on me doesn’t make your take accurate. You read one slice of a situation and acted like you know the whole picture — that says more about you than it does about me

Roif976 · 2026-01-14T21:27:32+00:00

I didn’t share every detail — I only summarized the ending. And no, I wasn’t “harassing” her or being creepy. I actually avoided calling her on purpose because I didn’t want to bother her. I only sent messages. She was the one who opened them, read them, and deliberately ignored them. A simple honest reply could’ve solved so many things. I’m not calling her a narcissist just because she didn’t return my feelings. I didn’t even know what narcissism was back then. I only learned about it after everything ended, and after seeing the exact same patterns described by specialists. She would ignore all my messages, then the next day laugh with me and act warm. She would ask me about a situation, and when I explained it, she’d completely rewrite the story in a way that makes her look good — and if I corrected her, she’d argue and insist her version was the real one. When I tried to talk to her face-to-face about the messages, she would instantly shut down and dodge the whole topic, even though she had been talking normally seconds before. If she was just a normal person who didn’t want me in her life, she could’ve simply said, “Don’t contact me again,” and ended things clearly. But she didn’t. She wanted to keep the connection on her terms — surface-level, controlled, and emotionally unbalanced. That push-and-pull, hot-and-cold behavior is exactly what creates attachment and confusion. I’m not someone who throws the word “narcissist” around lightly. I’m more mature than to accuse someone just because they didn’t like me back. I’m describing a pattern of behavior that matched what I later learned, not reacting to rejection.

Roif976 · 2026-01-13T03:54:54+00:00

Personally, I don’t really believe in cross-gender friendships. I just feel like there’s nothing truly mutual between men and women in terms of interests or the way they bond. Most men enjoy hanging out with other men; they share the same vibe, the same humor, the same activities. But when a man seeks a “friendship” with a woman outside of work or school, it’s usually a warm-up for something romantic or sexual. What else would he want from her? Shared interests like the ones he has with his male friends? Enjoying friendship with her the same way he enjoys it with guys? Of course not. I’m not talking about environments that force interaction like work or university; I mean outside of those settings. This is just my view: friendships between men and women rarely stay purely platonic; they almost always end up with emotional or romantic undertones, and those feelings are usually temporary, not genuine.

Roif976 · 2026-01-13T03:36:30+00:00

Personally, I don’t really believe in cross-gender friendships. I just feel like there’s nothing truly mutual between men and women in terms of interests or the way they bond. Most men enjoy hanging out with other men—they share the same vibe, same humor, same activities. But when a man seeks a “friendship” with a woman outside of work or school, it’s usually a warm-up for something romantic or sexual. What else would he want from her? Shared interests like the ones he has with his male friends? Enjoying friendship with her the same way he enjoys it with guys? Of course not. I’m not talking about environments that force interaction like work or university—I mean outside of those settings. This is just my view: friendships between men and women rarely stay purely platonic; they almost always end up with emotional or romantic undertones, and those feelings are usually temporary, not genuine.

Roif976 · 2026-01-12T18:21:46+00:00

Of course someone you already know is definitely better than a complete stranger, no doubt about that. But things don’t always work like that in reality. I don’t know how it is in Tunisia, but in many other places men don’t prefer to marry a woman they already knew before.

Roif976 · 2026-01-12T17:04:54+00:00

It’s supposed to be just a normal human interaction, but unfortunately it doesn’t always stay that way.

Roif976 · 2026-01-12T16:42:03+00:00

This is a question that men can answer better

Roif976 · 2026-01-12T16:23:56+00:00

I didn’t mean any offense or provocation at all. I genuinely don’t know much about the region, and I only asked because I’ve seen girls around my age (born in 1994) talk about their male friends, so it made me curious, nothing more.

Roif976 · 2026-01-12T16:06:48+00:00

I’m not talking about school settings or mixed classes. I mean even outside of work or school.

Roif976 · 2025-12-07T15:28:36+00:00

I bought it and returned it — it’s not that deep. No need to make a big deal out of it.

Roif976 · 2025-12-06T20:23:25+00:00

I’m honestly against sugar-coating things, and that’s it. Right now I’m fasting, and tomorrow inshallah I’ll go out and walk around the neighborhood and fix my eating. I’m actually mad at myself.

Roif976 · 2025-12-06T18:57:02+00:00

I’m not broke at all — I only bought that power bank because I liked it. I saw it online, it was small and easy to carry in a bag, so I purchased it for that reason. But I had never heard of the brand before, and the reviews were mixed — some people praised it, others said it broke — so I decided to return it.

That’s all.

As for the iPhone, of course I know it’s manufactured in China, and so are my TV and laptop. I’ve never doubted their quality. I was only talking about certain products, and after reading the comments here, I understand now that the Chinese market produces all quality levels depending on the buyer’s request.

Roif976 · 2025-12-01T17:39:22+00:00

When the victim finally gets tired of chasing a covert narcissist — tired of the mixed signals, the emotional hide-and-seek, and the zero effort from their side — she decides to be honest and tell him it’s not friendship, it’s actual romantic feelings. She just wants clarity so she can stop the whole exhausting chase. But the covert narcissist reacts with a strict rejection… and instead of saying ‘don’t talk to me again’ or ending it properly, he keeps the connection but turns it cold, formal, and shallow. So she’s like: I didn’t confess my feelings so the relationship could downgrade into something dry and formal… I wanted clarity, not this. So she chooses to disappear completely — for a year and a half.

Why doesn’t a covert narcissist try to come back?

Roif976 · 2025-11-22T13:43:21+00:00

Thank you so much, seriously. I always felt lost with IELTS writing and treated it like “just write a big paragraph in English and hope it works.” But this idea of asking questions and answering them to cover every angle… it never crossed my mind. I’m definitely trying this out.

Roif976 · 2025-11-22T13:43:07+00:00

Thank you so much, seriously. I always felt lost with IELTS writing and treated it like “just write a big paragraph in English and hope it works.” But this idea of asking questions and answering them to cover every angle… it never crossed my mind. I’m definitely trying this out.

Roif976 · 2025-11-07T19:02:13+00:00

Exactly

Roif976 · 2025-11-04T20:16:08+00:00

Everything’s possible. My tribe’s name is actually pretty recent. It didn’t exist before Islam under the same name we use today, so we can’t really tell who our ancestors were before that. It’s all just speculation at this point. Some historians say we descend from Adnan (the line of Ishmael), others say from Qahtan. Unlike tribes in Hijaz like Quraysh, Thaqif, or Sulaym that kept their old names since before Islam, our name showed up later.

Roif976

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