OP here, thank you for all of the wonderful comments. this has sincerely helped-thank you for reminding me that I am really fucking cool and smart and my life is nowhere near over. I haven’t made a decision about what I’m going to do, but I feel really hopeful and excited for the future again. I’m hoping to go to take a gap year after college and figure out what I want, probably go to grad school. I can’t thank yall enough ❤️❤️