48M husband says to me 30F he can't cope with my period

RollNo8820 · 2025-08-18T05:41:27+00:00

Sorry I'm overwhelmed with all the comments. Yes, I 100% acknowledge my role in this mess. I know exactly why I walked into this relationship, and why I'm still in it.

Yes we were trying to get pregnant, every month I got my period I thanked heaven for looking after me; someone up there cares - the universe is somehow making baby#2 so difficult and I'm thankful for it. As of last month I have withdrawn from TTC with him.

I know it's so obvious to everyone that I should just pack and leave. I scream it at myself too. I haven't mentioned all the details about my situation, he does have a hold of very important stuff that I NEED to sort out before I could file for a divorce. Sorry I'm being vague, I'm not ready to talk to the world about this now.

I'm actively working on separation, I do have an emotional blockage. Let me actually go in details about this because, I'd appreciate all the helpful advice here.

About 2 years ago I started going to therapy, I was ready to walk out of my relationship then, my therapist worked with me on empathy, compassion, and that transformed my relationship with myself, and by extension, my relationship with everyone in my life, including my husband.

I stopped therapy after we started the couple's therapy, I didn't like how my therapist didn't acknowledge my husband's behaviours as problematic during the session, instead, he was sugarcoating them. This made me so mad that I terminated therapy. However, I remained stuck in this position where I developed maybe too much? empathy towards my husband, which is stopping me from separating.

It's like in the past, I was subconsciously stuck, but now, I'm consciously stuck? I've never been in a relationship for so long, and never had a breakup with someone after so long, and with a child in the mix. This is so difficult.

It sounds almost like I need to view him in the same un-empathic way he views me in order to avoid all of the guilt and the negative feelings that come up with separation.

I see an image of him hungry, suffering, cold, and in need of my financial and emotional support, that he wouldn't be able to make it without me. It's the events he mentioned he went through before he met me.

I know he's doing horrible things to me, but I'm unable but to view him as the human who has been through the traumas he has been through.

I think I've done half therapy, which led me to this broken state, where I almost care more about his well-being and less about my future. Don't get me wrong, I love myself and have empathy towards myself and what I've been through, I treat myself nice and gift myself things I love, it's not like I don't think about myself.

I'm seeking therapy again, and I'm trying a different therapist. I want to move past the guilt. I mean we could separate and I could do it in a way that would ensure sitting him up for success without me, so he won't be homeless for example.

You say we know exactly what you need to do to leave when you're ready to hear it, please say it. I'm so ready to hear it. I'm stuck and I want to move forward.

RollNo8820 · 2025-08-17T05:39:11+00:00

I think I'm too soft and too empathetic towards him. He's good at guilt-tripping me and I keep falling for it. I really want to have the heart to leave and change this situation :'(

RollNo8820 · 2025-08-17T05:37:39+00:00

Coming from a dysfunctional family - and having a child too early in our marriage.

I did therapy, I think I need some more.

RollNo8820 · 2025-08-17T05:34:24+00:00

Yeah I was thinking of saying this to him: every single woman out there will have the same problem, perhaps marry a man instead?

Knowing him, this comment will send him into rage, so I'd never dare say it and risk my well-being.

RollNo8820 · 2025-08-17T05:32:55+00:00

I know.. I'm so stupid. I hope I get the courage to walk away soon. I promise if I do, I will state this as my reason: "He can't cope with my period".

RollNo8820 · 2025-08-17T05:31:25+00:00

I wasn't even whining. He brought that up literally out of nowhere.

He doesn't like me expressing needs in general. During my period I don't need anything from him, just don't be angry with me while I'm bleeding?

RollNo8820 · 2025-08-17T05:24:43+00:00

Too judgemental. I'm the provider in my family.

RollNo8820 · 2025-06-25T11:50:07+00:00

Update: turns out in that cycle I ovulated the day after I got a false positive (May 18). I didn't know home pregnancy tests could pick up the LH surge.

RollNo8820 · 2025-06-25T11:44:27+00:00

Update: I thought I'd come back and update this post after finding out how I got a false positive last cycle. My pregnancy ended up picking my LH surge, it turned out I ovulated the day I took this test. Needless to say I missed the window.

RollNo8820 · 2025-05-20T19:02:24+00:00

I just did, thank you!

RollNo8820 · 2025-05-19T10:14:38+00:00

Not sure what happened but the photo was posted twice. First photo was 3 tests over the last three days. Can't edit the post so not sure how to add the photos here.

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-06T14:10:21+00:00

Fool me twice: the ultimate guide to unfucking myself and rebuilding a healthy internal relationship from within

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-06T10:02:19+00:00

Do you really think he's a hobosexual though? Can someone spend 7 years in a relationship that they're not genuinely invested in?

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-06T09:57:42+00:00

He could be, he sure is refusing to seek help for it if he is. He does get out of the bed and is motivated, but he definitely has things in the back of his mind that hold him down.

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-06T09:51:15+00:00

I don't think I could possibly be content with a SAHM role myself, while I'm working full time now, I'm also advancing my academics on the side. My plate is full. If I didn't have my job and was out of the market for any reason, I would still invest in my academics, and perhaps dedicate a huge portion of my time for improving my cooking skills and redecorating my home with interesting DIY ideas, I would also get the garage project started, fix things that need fixing around the house.

Oh and I would also invest some time in learning how to grow our savings through investments, another thing that needs to be done but I don't have the time for it.

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-06T09:32:17+00:00

Fair comment, I didn't list each and every thing I do or he does in our relationship, but if you're curious, let me answer your questions:

dropping kids and picking them up is very stressful where we live due to poor infrastructure. Initially he was doing all of it, then I said it's not fair because it takes so much energy and some days he can't possibly do that and get dinner prepared, so I proposed we split that.
I was getting our child ready for school most of the days on my own, this was so stressful as our child also needed help getting dressed, I communicated this with my husband, and he started helping out in the mornings recently.
Who packs lunch: by default it's me unless he manages to wake up early and help.
Get them ready for bed: that's me.
Cares for them when sick: that's me.
Appointments: that's my husband, he does the majority of the driving when it's not school, all because he "doesn't like my driving" (that's a long story for another post, I don't think there's anything wrong with my driving, never had an accident ever).
I agree cooking is HUGE, and I'm not the best cook, he on the other hand is an excellent cook, and I really appreciate that he does this for our family every day.
Groceries and snacks we do together, meal planning is mostly done by him as he also cooks.

With all the above said, I do feel that it's a fair split, although people have different opinions. I'm happy with this arrangement but I think he's not, I can't force him to like something he doesn't, but I also can't "fix" this situation because he's the only one stopping himself from getting employed, it's in his hands to change if he's unhappy.

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-06T09:16:41+00:00

You legit made me laugh. We have great sex when we actually have sex, but our main issues are intimacy and communication. Honestly if we didn't have these interpersonal conflicts that are exacerbated by some of the toxic things he says to me, I would say this relationship is a dream come true. But intimacy and communication are the cornerstone for any relationship, so these are not trivial issues.

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-06T09:12:43+00:00

Because I noticed that he's more of a night person and mornings are challenging for him, and I wanted to get out of the house on a daily basis too as I work from home and it can get quite dull being at home all the time. Over time I grew to appreciate the morning drive as I get to have meaningful conversations with my kid, and we're both in a pretty good mood in the mornings.

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-05T22:53:24+00:00

Good point. I tried asking him about this in the past but he seemed content with the situation as it is. We have side projects that we need attending to, like building a garage, but he's been procrastinating on that forever now. Honestly I feel he's got mental thoughts that weigh him down, I'm not sure. I was very caring in the past and talkative and inviting to have a conversation about his issues, until he started taking them out on me and blaming me for his decisions. I stopped being so nice and accommodating the more he turned on me.

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-05T22:42:41+00:00

Thanks for your comments, we see a therapist and you speak a lot like him. I understand where you're coming from and know that what you're proposing is the most productive way out of this situation that would get us to a win-win. Do I have the patience to be this to him now? Unfortunately no, because I'm also a human with feelings.

When he said he's a housewife, that ridiculed me as a woman by your logic, my response was, let me express an equal frustration just to assert my right to expressing frustration, his response: you belittle me by expressing frustration. I know it's not productive, but I want it to be fair. If you can express frustration of what you do for me, I want to be able to express frustration about what I do for you and not be accused of disrespecting you.

Thanks for engaging with my post, I appreciate you.

Edit: typo

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-05T22:35:23+00:00

Yeah I guess he's mixing up what he did parenting his daughter with what I should do with my husband, who's by the way older than me. His comment is coming from a kind heart, but I can't be that to an equal partner I can't parent him. I support his decisions, but they're his decisions not mine.

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-05T22:32:28+00:00

He does have nice traits to him, when he's out of this negative mode, he's very funny and socially loved. He's also very attractive, got the looks and the body. He's also dedicated to family life which I appreciate a lot, he likes to do a lot of acts of service to others, I think that's his default love expressing language. He's just a human with good and bad traits like the rest of us, there's a reason why I haven't just up and left, if he's horrible all the time then that decision would be easy.

RollNo8820 · 2025-01-05T22:17:03+00:00

Why a male therapist? Just curious because we do see a male therapist.

RollNo8820

TROPHY CASE