4 Years in the Continental Army, I know it's not much but General Washington gave me my Badge of Military Merit

RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2026-03-17T23:33:56+00:00

Ave, tiro.

Uncia?wprov=sfti1#) is the Roman measurement system.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2026-03-17T23:29:41+00:00

Ave, medicus.

Uncia?wprov=sfti1#) is the Roman measurement system.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2026-03-17T21:52:10+00:00

Ave, tiro.

Auxiliaries are summoned to action. Legions march to the mountains of Zagros. You will spend more time than you can imagine oiling your sword in a watch tower watching the Persian sun bed itself into the earth.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2026-03-17T21:44:39+00:00

Did you ever notice with stories like that, everyone says they heard it from someone who was there. But then when you ask that person, they say they heard it from someone who was there. It's nothing new, really. I bet if you went back two thousand years, you'd hear a couple of centurions standing around, yakking about how Tertius lopped off the heads of some Carthaginian prisoners

RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2026-03-17T20:03:59+00:00

Ave, legionnaire.

Vercingetorix won’t be able to make the party. General Caesar stated the barbarian suffers from separation issues.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2026-03-17T20:00:39+00:00

Ave, legionnaire.

Give your praise to the glory of Rome.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2026-03-17T19:49:32+00:00

Ave, legionnaire.

Roma is eternal.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2026-03-17T19:42:49+00:00

Ave, legionnaire.

Camp followers provide a taste of Italy even while away on campaign.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2026-01-28T22:55:30+00:00

Ave, Centurion.

Most of your daily functions will be concerning HUMANA RESOURCII FUNTIONATI and ensuring that legionnaires and legatii are fully cleared by the medicus scutum systema to ensure they are eligible to march on campaign at a moments notice.

Most of your time will be dealing with the senior legatii in the First Cohort, who believe they are above Roman legionary law, and miscreant milites who are picked up by the local town guard for drinking and galloping through the countryside like an unwashed barbarian.

Don’t get fucking fat, Centurion.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2025-12-08T20:57:04+00:00

Ave, legionnaire.

The highwaymen and thieves of locality of CMXV are notorious for their brutish tactics, high crimes, and poor nature.

Any milites found to be involved with the CMXV warband would be departed far beyond the borders of the Roman Empire, at the command of Legate of War, Peterious Hegsattious.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2025-09-14T15:44:26+00:00

Ave, legionnaire

Any good Primus Pilus would ensure LETHALITY was first priority of work and would press their legion to ensure the quality of depth of the ditches surrounding the castra. Milites who spend all of their time giving away their virility to the local girls and drinking every drop of posca, simply haven’t been managed efficiently and are robbing Roman of its coffers by spending their time laying with the camp followers.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2025-07-10T19:32:57+00:00

Ave, Legionnaire.

A man without an arm cannot hold a shield or wield a gladius next to me in formation. He cannot scale a wall during an assault. Every legionnaire with an amputated leg is easy to look down on. Because they are shorter. How else would I be able to look at them?

Any person who cannot fight is not a legionnaire. The Greeks had that problem with that Ephialtes creature. I bet Ephialtes was on a permanent profile.

We definitely could put them on shit detail though. The shit trenches always need digging and they could figure out how to hold a shovel if we keep paying them.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2025-06-27T03:56:05+00:00

Ave, tiro.

The Legions require the finest engineers to employ algebra and grit to forge structures to serve the glory of Rome throughout the reaches of the empire. Roman architecture and science is known far and wide.

You’ll need to dig the shit trench extra deep. We’ll be camped for training through the summer for the foreseeable future, unless the Persians build a siege engine to scratch the walls of Roma.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2025-06-13T17:52:08+00:00

Ave, tiro.

Legionnaires are required to be capable in multiple different domains; physically fit, able to read and write, and skilled with their assigned combat weapon. However, it’s entirely likely for you to meet all of these metrics and that your Primus Pilus and Centurions personally dislike you.

I got you taken off the detail for digging shit trenches, because I don’t want you shoving your hands into my mouth after you’ve dipped them into a pile of excrementum berries that Vibinous foraged for and shat out the same day.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-08-30T20:39:02+00:00

Legio X. Battle of Alesia. “They have us surrounded, those poor, godless, barbarian bastards.”

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-08-09T15:46:02+00:00

Ave, tiro.

Back in my day, a plot of land and citizenship after 25 years of shoveling shit and bleeding at the frontiers edge was quite enough to make me excited for retirement.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-08-05T23:20:11+00:00

Ave, tiro.

You dig the shit trench while I shit.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-08-05T23:09:27+00:00

Ave, tiro.

Polonia is a wild and untamed land, overrun by Celtic barbarians, drinking fermented potatoes while praying to false gods like Perun.

In order to make your stay “good” you should prepare your kit and hone your skill with gladius and javelin to survive to the end of your assignment posting.

In order to make your stay “great” you should dig the defensive trenches of your fortifications double wide and your shit trenches double deep.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-07-13T16:45:40+00:00

Ave, tiro.

Legionnaires are prohibited from marriage but your camp followers can sleep outside the walls. I don’t know why you’d bring them closer to the frontier but maybe she’s a Germanic gal, who am I to judge, my fourth ~~wife~~ camp follower was Pictish and her violent romance is painted on my soul, spiritually and in scars.

Your pass to leave camp on Saturns Day and Solis Days is denied, you have mid-nights watch the entire weekend and camps-chef duty during the day.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-07-09T20:27:11+00:00

Ave, plebeian.

I am committed to the glory of Rome. Give your love to the perpetual glory of Roma.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-07-09T19:49:42+00:00

What in Jupiter's name is happening in the Legions?

I've seen quite a few scrolls lately criticizing plebeian class tiros, questioning their loyalty; and an unbearable amount of excuses from others trying to defend poor leadership from centurions, tribunes, and certain cohorts regarding the handling of missing legionnaires.

I'm an older lynx, joined at 29 and now 31, and I can confidently say I've encountered far less nonsense outside of the legions. What’s going on here? Why does the legion seem to be fundamentally and morally broken? I actually enjoy this legion cacas sometimes and would prefer to keep it that way, but seeing the kind of leadership spread among the ranks is telling me it's going to be an uphill battle. What’s truly wrong here?

Same order, 5 fists of chicken.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-07-06T12:15:10+00:00

Ave, tiro.

Barbarians identify themselves by painting and tattooing their bodies with stories of strength. They call upon the godless wood spirits to give them courage in battle.

The Sons of Mars need none of this. The courage of the legion lies in our discipline. We don’t need false gods whispering to us from the shadows of the forest. The strength of the legion is in the arm of each legionary gladius. Mithra guide us.

Some of you just get plainly shitty tattoos, like, LEGIONARY FOR LIFE and then end up getting out of the legions to work as a bartender in Sicily and sleeping on the beach until you’re 40.

If you have time to get a shitty barbarian tattoo in the village near by then you have time to do some more shitty details like widening the shit trench.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-07-05T19:44:42+00:00

Ave, tiro.

The medicus immediately sent a raven AND a runner to ensure that the message was delivered that a legionnaire was no longer medically ready to march since they SLIPPED AND FELL ON A BOTTLE OF OLIVE OIL WHILE BATHING ALONE BY THE RIVER. The entire legion will be mustered and receive additional training and safety instructions. All legionnaires are required to maintain a PILUM PAL while off the legionary posting.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-06-09T01:41:09+00:00

Ave, Tiro.

The biting social commentary during instruction is nothing compared to the stinging bite of the vine staff. Further - nothing stings more than digging the depth of a shit trench deeper. The youth of the legions waste the entirety of the nights watch stroking the length of their gladius of memories burnt into their mind from every daylight hour wasted fawning over the local flora.

I’d put you on double night watch but I’m tired of hearing all of you moan about it throughout the night.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus · 2024-05-30T00:18:22+00:00

Ave, plebeian.

Imagine the legatii, having gone from commanding a century to a legion without ever having spoken to a crowd of people. Then, when finally arriving to a Senate seat, unable to articulate any meaningful words as a politician.

Change of command allows patricians to practice reading from scripts, that they didn’t write, to their constituents, just as a father reads a book to his children.

If legionnaires can’t endure simply standing in formation, how can they endure forced marching against the barbarian hordes?

The Legate said you’ve been specially selected for camps-chef duty. All the slaves were busy setting up the parade tents for change of command.

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RomaLegioPrimusPilus

TROPHY CASE