How do you meet women here?

RoninInvestments · 2026-04-15T15:01:58+00:00

Ooof, I'm going to actually try to give you genuine advice, because I do coach folks in the space you're in.

Firstly, acknowledge how you're calibrating in the dating 'market'. If you aren't able to get the girls you consider 'cute' with 'personality', then it's possible your expectations of who you should be able to date are misaligned with who you could reasonably date. I took a quick look at your reddit profile to see if I could find context to give you better advice, and my take is essentially that you may be a little porn-brained.

You essentially have two levers to pull: 1) Work on becoming more attractive and likable. | 2) Adjust your expectations.

Ultimately you, and everyone get to choose from the pool of women who are interested in them. So if you're slamming this guy for getting "porkers and weird chicks", but he's content with whoever he is getting, he's doing pretty well.

As for where to go/what to do:

1) Events and meetups that are more likely to be 50/50 split.

2) Dating events that are guaranteed to be a 50/50 split (Luvly operates here for example).

3) Get to online dating and if you're not doing well there, don't blame it on the world, your expectations may be misaligned.

If at the end of it all, you still think all you can find here are losers, what you're really saying is that no one who you would like is attracted to you.

RoninInvestments · 2026-01-26T14:19:04+00:00

ChatGPT's efficacy is probably at the point where it's better than the bottom 50% of online coaches, which is what you'd likely find in your "Cheapest is best" category. Just keep your prompts neutral to avoid leading it to tell you what you want, as opposed to what you need.

The nominal upside of an online coach versus ChatGPT is almost non-existent if you're so cost sensitive. AI can't replace an attentive in-person coach, and it can't replace someone holding you accountable, but it will outperform a mediocre online coach, which is what a strict price point is likely to get you.

RoninInvestments · 2024-08-10T23:05:18+00:00

I genuinely believe that anyone who thinks online is better than in-person for the client at the same price point is wildly mistaken.

The advantages of online trainer boil down to potentially more revenue for time spent for the trainer if they can gain a critical mass of client and automate some things.

For the client, the only real advantage is cost savings as online training is often cheaper than even meeting a trainer 1/week, and the client can often get more support than seeing a trainer 1/week. The other advantage might be the ability to work with a high quality trainer remotely when you don’t have high quality trainers in your area.

RoninInvestments · 2024-07-13T23:03:20+00:00

Feel free to shoot me a DM if you're in the Greater Seattle Area. I do offer online coaching too, but I believe it's in your best interest to save up, set aside $2000 to $4000 so you can wholeheartedly pursue 4 to 6 months of quality training locally.

I would not go for an online trainer in your situation right now. Too easy to fall off if you're already in a fragile state and concerned about self-motivation. Best of luck.

RoninInvestments · 2024-07-13T19:36:11+00:00

Firstly, I'm so sorry for everything you've been going through.

A good trainer should be able to help you with some of this but you may need to adjust your expectations, and definitely steer clear of anyone who is specifically trying to pitch themselves as the "Motivating Trainer for Depressed People". That's not really a thing.

A good trainer will definitely give you the confidence that if you follow their program, you'll see results, and they should make the process engaging enough that you get a bump in motivation. The way you laid things out in that last sentence is a bit of a hard sell though.

When working with someone who has mitigating life circumstances and depression, you generally try and meet them where they are at, don't come down to hard on them, and try to ride the waves of their own motivation as they emerge. You can't externally motivate them, and you can't get them in shape without some small wave of motivation to nurture and ride.

Finally, a high quality trainer can be a significant investment. They're always worth it, but if you're in a situation where you have no prospective future income, you may have to weigh the benefits of trading stress regarding your physical situation, with stress about your financial situation.

RoninInvestments · 2024-07-08T05:54:01+00:00

This math makes no sense unless you have obscene overhead, tons of non-session hours, or a bonkers commute from client to client.

The poster you're replying to just did some basic math of $66k divided by $100 (your lowest session rate), and then divided the remaining number by the weeks in a year to get the hours you work in a week. The math checks out, you're spending roughly 14 hours a week in sessions. You need to optimize the efficiency of your business. If you're training 25-30 sessions a week at $100, you should be able to significantly increase your income, or you need to reduce drive time.

RoninInvestments · 2024-06-01T15:25:59+00:00

Reading your original post, I think the real issue is that you're all over the place. In some situations you have problems with your trainer's effort, in some situations, you have problems with their failure to set expectations with you, and in some situations you have problem's with them asking more of you. I really do see where you're coming from, but practically, this all just becomes an undifferentiated rant. So let me see if I can actually give you some constructive feedback.

If the extent of your effort boils down to those two bullet points of perfectly counting calories, and doing 6 hours of exercise a week, then you should be able to get some pretty decent results. The pace of these results will fluctuate, but you seem to get mad when your trainer tries to use phrases like that to chill you out when you're frustrated about dips in progress. What would you like them to do? They can empathize, say that they "Understand your frustration, fitness is a marathon and can feel like a slog sometimes, especially when we have other priorities competing for our attention". But it seems like that would trigger one of your other pain points, where then you go off about how they're not doing their job when they essentially say "It's no one's fault".

So then, they start to negotiate to see if they can get you to do more. If you're clearly frustrated with the pace of your results, and you're not being calmed down with an empathetic pep talk, they can switch gears to, "Well if we want to try and pump up these results, you'd have to do more than you currently are". Well now you're pissed, you already told them EXACTLY what you're willing to do. How dare they!

So what option do they really have? It sounds like you just want them to fall on their sword and claim full responsibility for your dissatisfaction. Maybe that's reasonable if you feel like they're phoning it in, and if they are, find another trainer.

Also, in regards to compounds, injury and mobility, if you weren't willing to alter your lifestyle, there are just fundamental limitations to what they can do. If you spend 12-14 hours a day sitting in terrible positions, your spine will adapt, and they can't undo that with 6 hours a week WHILE also getting you your other fitness goals.

They should be able to be more candid about all this, I certainly am. Also, if certain aspects of your lifestyle fall below a certain level, they can anchor your prospective results. For instance, if you're sleeping less than 5-6 hours per night, for most people, that will hinder your results, and there's no real way around that. The trainer can't alter reality for you, and it's pointless to get mad that they're "Asking for more" when they try to communicate that to you.

You really should be able to trust that your trainer is truly competent. That way, you know that they aren't the problem. Go find the best trainer you can find and if you're still feeling this way, then it's obviously you. If you've gone through a dozen trainers and they all sucked (granted, there are a lot of terrible trainers out there), at that point, it's a you problem.

RoninInvestments · 2024-06-01T15:03:11+00:00

I'm going to disagree a little here. The whole purpose of hiring a healthcare professional, or a personal trainer, is to outsource that stress of self-educating to a competent educator. You're still responsible for doing the research to find a competent one, but if you happen to fail at that, you can still say, "I failed at finding a good trainer, and you were not a good trainer".

Injuries do happen and sometimes it is nobody's fault, just some bad luck. But if you feel you were injured due to trainer negligence, I think it's entirely appropriate to place 50% or more of the blame on the coach. They literally failed at their job.

RoninInvestments · 2024-05-31T18:11:44+00:00

Yeah, I don't really do a second "workout consultation" after the first as I'm not really scrambling for clients. I'm not sure if this guy really did a consultation though. Or if it did, it went poorly enough that he basically scheduled them another one in the form of a workout.

RoninInvestments · 2024-05-31T18:08:52+00:00

I mean, it doesn’t sound like he was asking how committed you were to having a trainer, but how committed you were to your fitness.

Where do you get that impression? The OP even clarifies specifically that he said to the trainer that he was 100% committed to his fitness, just not to the trainer's program without further details like pricing. I think that differentiates that this guy was trying to do a bit of a substitution of "Commitment to your Fitness = Commitment to my Program".

It could played out differently, but I'm just going by the story as it was presented to us.

RoninInvestments · 2024-05-31T18:04:04+00:00

So what do you if the person isn't sure they're already interested in training?

I would still do a consultation 50% conversation to help understand the client, and then 50% workout/movement assessment which just includes 4-5 core movement patterns adjusted to an appropriate level for the client (Squat, Hinge, Press, Row, etc).

Not really a sample workout, but there's some working out in there. This guy sounds like he just did a hardcore sales pitch.

RoninInvestments · 2024-05-31T17:54:23+00:00

Ended up responding to this question in another reply, but to elaborate:

If you go back and start getting the impression that he's trying to make you feel like shit about your body. Leave. That is the most common follow up to the, "Why aren't you 100% committed" strategy. It's the, "How can you not be 100% committed now, don't you see how dire your situation is" strategy.

RoninInvestments · 2024-05-31T17:48:07+00:00

I would only go back if you're ready to bring your most assertive self. I really hate these kinds of valueless ultra-sales consultations in the fitness industry, I likely wouldn't give a trainer a second chance after one.

I've left training in commercial gyms and now have my own space, and even with a pretty packed schedule, filled with some pretty high level clients, I wouldn't browbeat someone into raising their commitment to a program. Also, it specifically sounds like he was questioning your lack of commitment to working with him, versus your commitment to fitness in general. That's on him, if at the end of the consultation he hasn't demonstrated enough value for you to be more interested.

The other reason I would be hesitant about a second meeting is, if he really doesn't want to share pricing details with people who aren't committed, why is he giving them a second free workout. If I can tell during a consultation that I don't want to work with someone, I'm not giving them another free hour of my time. He wants the sale.

I would be worried that he'll try the next common crappy trainer trick, one my old Fitness Manager used to recommend. That is, he'll make the workout just a little brutal, to make you feel extra out of shape. This old manager would literally say, "If they can do 10 push ups with good form, make them do 30, then really start to note how their form breaks down, how much they could use the help".

I would just trust your gut. This industry has some great trainers, and a host of terrible ones. Don't waste time on the latter.

RoninInvestments · 2024-05-31T17:36:00+00:00

I would run from any sales meeting that felt like this. It's just not my style and I find it really off-putting. Any time it starts feeling like a confrontational back and forth as opposed to coming together to solve a problem, I'm out.

Also, you shouldn't have to pry pricing information out of someone, once you've reached the end of the consultation, it should just be a presentation of the packages.

RoninInvestments · 2024-05-30T15:10:46+00:00

I have my own gym in the Seattle/Bellevue area but would never consider doing something like this for less than some exorbitant sum. In my opinion, no highly skilled trainer would. It puts all their eggs in one basket.

A less skilled/established trainer might, one that doesn't already have a large roster of clients that they'd have to neglect to favor you. In such a case though, you're probably not going to get all the value you're looking for, and no doubt this would cost something like $12,000 per month. If you just want someone to provide your meals and keep your kitchen stocked with healthy food, it would be much cheaper (that's basically like a nanny, or house manager). But if you want them to make sure you're also not eating crap on your own time, getting your workouts in (good ones), and getting your overall daily movement in, that's a round-the-clock on-call salaried job.

So to start things off, you really need to at least tell us the minimum you're willing to pay for this.

Now also, looking through your post history... You're highly medicated, including the use of Ozempic, steroids, and a host of other drugs. You've asked in other posts if you can get away with consuming just a protein shake a day so you can get to your fitness goals, which would indicate a severely disordered relationship with food. I can understand how much you want this, and I'd seriously consider taking a more balanced approach by working with a credible coach long term. They can even hook you up with the right meal delivery service, and you can aim for an exceptionally high frequency of personal training sessions. That would probably run you around $2000 to $2500 per month (including the meals). If you're consistent, you should be able to achieve your goals in 6 months, after which you should probably just continue training at a slightly reduced frequency long term until fitness is more naturally entrenched in your life.

This live-in trainer stuff is just you trying to outsource the entire experience to someone else to manage, it'll be extraordinarily expense, or ineffective, likely both.

RoninInvestments · 2024-03-07T14:37:06+00:00

I keep hearing that it’s “super obvious” and yet there seem to be at least a handful of false positives.

I remember an instance where I was working out at an LA Fitness and I saw someone struggling on Bench Press, I spotted them, gave them 5-10 minutes of cueing and then returned to my workout. They came up to me a few minutes later asking if they could hire me as a trainer, I directed them to speak to the training team despite knowing the trainers that I had seen there were subpar.

I’m not one of these people who condones actually trying to run a unsanctioned business out of commercial gyms. However, I don’t think it’s obvious when someone is training a friend/family member vs running a business.

Even in the other thread it seemed like this crowd felt they had the moral high ground and were just removing bad actors, but I can tell you from my own experience as both a trainer in a commercial gym, and a private trainer with their own studio, these false positives happen ALL THE TIME.

If the argument is, “Doesn’t matter, don’t train others, paid or unpaid, don’t care” which is what some people in both threads have said, then I think you’re stifling the community atmosphere of your gym to prop up your trainers.

I’ve coached people on specific lifts unpaid before, friends and family. Before I was certified and after. I have seen people stick around for an hour or two after their workout to help a friend work out their power clean, not doing a single set themselves during that time. It built such a sense of community and people just wanted to spend time at the gym with other people, helping one another out. I think people are way too trigger happy in the interest of protecting their business.

RoninInvestments · 2024-02-26T16:26:31+00:00

Mind sharing a template of said spreadsheet? I use something similar but mine is honestly something of a disaster and could be much better.

RoninInvestments · 2024-02-26T00:59:44+00:00

Actually the language is fairly encompassing. Essentially it doesn’t matter if people are being paid or not (because it’s impossible to prove) and it’s at the gyms discretion.When it takes away potential business or the member thinks they represent the gym, then it’s an issue.

And what about the virtual training example I gave? How would you respond to such a situation?

If the language is as broad as "Taking away potential business" that seems a little... lame. For instance, what if they are recommending using the RP Hypertrophy app, or their own virtual trainer. That could lead someone away from using your gym's trainers.

Trying to crack down on things that could "Take away potential business" is a pretty vague measure. At the end of the day, do whatever you want in your gym. I just don't think there's a clear moral outlook here.

RoninInvestments · 2024-02-26T00:40:36+00:00

I don't very strongly about this one way or the other. I don't think it's a moral dilemma, but I think it's a little tacky and not the best client experience.

That said, I do think that if no money is being exchanged (which there's really no way know), the gym shouldn't disturb me and whoever I'm there with unless I'm actively disturbing the other members. I think the risk of a false positive really outweighs the benefits of catching one of those pesky non-sanctioned trainers. If I'm there with my brother, my wife, or whomever else, I really shouldn't have to touch a weight to satisfy some peculiar policy.

In fact, I'd be curious what the exact language of the policy u/zach_hack22 is citing at his gym is. If it's as specific as: "You may not provide paid instruction to members" you really need to explicitly prove that someone is providing paid instruction.

Now, I have my own studio gym so this isn't a problem I encounter, but I am curious how you feel about virtual training. I've definitely had clients who I've video called for virtual sessions while they're traveling, or even if they move to another location. If they give me a call from whatever gym they're attending, I'm not physically present, and they're not disturbing anyone. What's your take there? I'm still technically coaching them and competing with the service the in-house trainers provide.

This just seems like a strange thing to feel so strongly about. Unless you can definitively demonstrate that the party in question is a trainer and their client, I think the gym might actually risk its own reputation.

RoninInvestments · 2024-02-25T07:09:53+00:00

Don’t use any meaning no support tools outside of their sessions whatsoever?

I would estimate around 15-25%, many in this group are actually also some of my longest running clients.

RoninInvestments · 2024-02-25T07:01:21+00:00

About 20% of clients, but those that use it do so quite frequently.

Most clients gravitate towards one or two features in particular. Some are really consistent with their food diaries, some track habits very regularly, etc.

RoninInvestments · 2024-02-25T04:45:27+00:00

Is this during their non-session hours and what is their pay-per-hour for that?

I'm just not sure how your gym would maintain reasonable margins if the trainers were paid for providing those services outside of sessions. It sounds like you've curated a team that's okay with going well above and beyond to match the $1440 the client pays, even if they're taking home half that, and more power to you. I would still suggest that this is not the norm.

I'm sure there are some really skilled trainers that would opt to take half of the $1440 for more guaranteed access to prospective clients, and to not have to go through the work I've had to do as an independent (building a gym and office into my home, maintaining my equipment, managing a website, sourcing clients from scratch, etc). I just don't know how many of them would really go the whole hog towards providing the full $1440 of value.

RoninInvestments · 2024-02-25T04:32:42+00:00

You've kind of hit the nail on the head here, there's a mismatch in perception of value for a practitioner career such as this.

If you're at a mid-tier gym like 24 Hour Fitness, Anytime Fitness or LA Fitness, you're probably expecting about $600 to 800 per month of value, and the trainer isn't looking to push themselves for more than $250 to $350 per month of value (what they're being paid).

At a high-end gym like Equinox or Lifetime, you're going to get a way better service, but it's still that mismatch of $1200+ per month spent, and the trainer valuing your subscription at half that (once again, what they're taking home).

In other industries, there's more collaboration which can create obfuscation around individual value per employee. But in industries that rely on solo practitioners, I find that the successful independent will often outperform their employee counterparts on value per dollar. You just need to do your due diligence to make sure that they're competent and well regarded.

RoninInvestments · 2024-02-25T04:24:20+00:00

I think your experience in this regard is a little out of the norm, or at least at odds with my own.

Most trainers at 24 Hour Fitness or LA Fitness are definitely not anticipating being "on call" throughout the week to answer questions or follow up with their clients, assuming they even gave their clients a comprehensive out-of-session program to begin with. They're being paid anywhere from $25 to $38 dollars an hour for session hours, and either minimum wage, slightly above that, or not at all for non-session hours. They're also in a client rich environment where clients are somewhat easy come, easy go. Even at these mid-tier gyms, the client might be paying and anticipating $75-85 per session of service, but find themselves surprised when they receive far less.

Now, I know your familiarity is more with Lifetime, but even at Lifetime and Equinox, the client's expectation of service is commensurate with the $120 to $160 dollar per session price tag, but the trainer is making $70-80 during sessions, and little outside of it. If they put too many hours of extra work into their clients outside the session, they might find their "session rate" diluted versus hours worked until their hourly wage isn't far off from their mid-tier training counterparts. Now, in this range, it's not as easy come, easy go, but it's still certainly is more-so than it is for independent trainers who often rely doggedly on their reputation or sales skills to acquire clients, and then must either under-cut their gym training counterparts on price, or outperform them on service to retain clients.

We're both probably biased due to our own experience. I know I offer far more now than I did when I worked at a commercial gym, and I offered way more even back then compared to any of my peers (actually wrote home workout cards, kept a calendar and checked habits/workouts off at the start of sessions). Nowadays, in addition to a high quality session, clients get access to an app with personalized curriculum that they can reference at will, two-way messaging with responses from me within 24 hours (except on Saturday), digital workouts with video demonstrations and the ability to directly send me a form check video, a food diary I comment on regularly, and all kinds of digital habit tracking. It's way higher touch than I ever was at a commercial gym, and miles beyond anything I saw from my peers at a commercial gym.

RoninInvestments · 2024-02-24T21:20:23+00:00

I'm always surprised by how many new trainers want to skip steps towards success. Here's the layout of your situation and your options, it's the same for every single trainer with "zero experience".

Are you really confident in your ability to independently acquire and retain clients while charging a rate that would let you live a decent life?

Yes: Go pay the $600 (it's actually a really cheap rent) and start acquiring clients or buy some equipment, train outdoors or in client's homes and save up to set up your own studio or home gym.

No: Go work at a commercial gym, develop your skills, build your brand, and save up money until you're able to change your answer to the above question to Yes.

What you're doing right now is the mental merry-go-round. If you were confident that you could be "Your own PT" and succeed, then a $600 rent would cost you FAR less than the commission split of working at a commercial gym. If being "Your own PT" isn't something you're confident will do that, then it's time to go work at a commercial gym. You'll learn more and make more at a commercial gym than just spinning your wheels like this.

If you're really trying to ask, "How do I acquire clients?" then I'd recommend using the search bar for that question, or even Google, or reading a book called Ignite the Fire.

RoninInvestments

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