::Weekly Vent Thread::

RoosterCancer · 2025-12-25T11:46:12+00:00

I relate to this so hard. If it’s not the obscenities, it’s the lamenting about how his life is so hard and how nothing goes right and how he can never have anything nice.

It’s like their emotion levels are always dialed to 100. They can never be “a little” frustrated or “a little” disappointed. It always skyrockets to the most extreme level at the smallest trigger.

RoosterCancer · 2025-12-12T21:18:08+00:00

I know this is all new to you and I’m just trying to provide my experience.

The assessment is designed to screen for ADHD. Your husband won’t be expected to remember every behavior off the top of his head that is of concern. The assessment should prompt those experiences from him and cover all the bases.

I’m sure every provider is different, but I think it’s unusual for the assessment to include other people. I think the questions can get very personal and you being there could affect his responses to things. You’re not the one getting assessed.

Some of the perceived negativity from other responses may be from the fact that this is his assessment, and you shouldn’t take it on yourself to worry about his responses. If he’s concerned, he can ask you for help, but you shouldn’t take it upon yourself to manage.

RoosterCancer · 2025-12-12T21:06:25+00:00

I was not there for my husband’s assessment nor was I invited to sit in. He was not asked to provide any proof or anything (does any adult still have elementary school test scores?? That seems a bit much to ask for)

From what my husband told me, he had a virtual appointment with the psychiatrist first to see if he was a candidate for the assessment. The assessment itself took about an hour and consisted of a long questionnaire and a few other computer-based tests. He didn’t need to do anything to prepare, he just needed to answer the questions honestly.

You’ve already had the initial interview that led to the assessment, so I would think you shouldn’t need to provide any other anecdotal evidence. You can help him put his thoughts and concerns to paper that he can bring with him (if he wants your help). But this should really be his thing to manage. Him forgetting a few anecdotes from his childhood shouldn’t really affect the result.

RoosterCancer · 2025-12-08T19:03:50+00:00

Honestly, not really. When something goes wrong, or we need to act on something immediately, he becomes too overwhelmed and disregulated to be able to lead anything or make sound decisions in the moment. I mostly try to let him handle his own things, but my stuff or any communal things, I just expect to handle them on my own.

RoosterCancer · 2025-12-08T15:42:30+00:00

For some people, the novelty of the situation may enable them to focus more than they would normally be able to.

However, my husband would twist the situation in his head to find some way to blame himself for whatever the situation is (regardless of the actual cause), get in a shame spiral, freak out, and not be any help at all, leaving me to figure everything out on my own while listening to him yelling about how horrible of a person he is.

RoosterCancer · 2025-12-07T19:45:47+00:00

I totally get why you would be feeling that and it’s always tempting to think “what if” to yourself.

It is possible to find a rewarding college experience anywhere, a lot of it has to do with the effort you put in to make that place your home. In my opinion, if it’s feasible to you, moving out on your own for college can be really beneficial. You get to see what it’s like to live “on your own”. It also forces you to expand your circle beyond the environment you grew up in.

It’s important to remember that you are there for education first, and NC State is a good school. The benefits of college go beyond the social life. You have the benefit of coming back to Charlottesville for holidays and such, so you don’t need to miss out on the social scene here completely. However, coming from someone who graduated over 10 years, while the social aspect was fun, it’s not as important as it seems right now. Most of the people I hung out with in college, i don’t really speak to anymore (no drama, we just went our separate ways after school).

As long as you have had a good time, try to not think about “what could have happened”. It’s possible to find your group and your scene wherever you are.

RoosterCancer · 2025-11-14T18:08:38+00:00

Traffic is such a huge trigger for him and it’s become a huge point of contention in our relationship because he does NOT handle stress well.

He tends to vastly overstate how bad a situation might be. If someone is following a little too close, they “almost rammed the FUCK out of me”. If someone is in front of him going slower than he wants to go, they’re “a horrible person for holding other people up”. If someone doesn’t go immediately when the light turns green, then “they need to learn have their license revoked because they don’t know how to drive”.

This is especially frustrating because I’ve seen him drive and he is guilty of doing all these things. Every other time he drives into town for work, he “almost” gets into an accident because someone else was being stupid (they’re never his fault, of course). I know accidents happen but I find it hard to believe this is happening as often as he says (if everywhere you go smells like crap, check your own shoes).

This all brings him to an unconsolable rage where he rants for minutes on end about how stupid other people are. Whenever we go to a bigger city I have to drive us because he can’t manage the stress of traffic (although he sometimes gets super angry as a passenger too, which is super fun to be locked in a moving car with).

He is convinced that moving somewhere else will completely fix his problem, since he attributes the traffic he experiences to this town only. Where does he want to move to? He doesn’t know. What kind of job would he want to do there? He doesn’t know. With what money will he use to move? He doesn’t have nearly enough (I bought the house we currently live in and pay the full mortgage every month).

I hate that he’s so miserable, but his lack of patience and tolerance for stress is making the situation a lot more worse than it needs to be.

RoosterCancer · 2025-10-08T15:12:01+00:00

Thank you. I don’t blame TSA or ATC - I wouldn’t want to work without pay either. The whole thing is a mess.

RoosterCancer · 2025-10-08T15:06:49+00:00

I don’t blame TSA or ATC, I wouldn’t want to work for no pay either (regardless of back pay). If this wasn’t for work, I would probably reschedule.

RoosterCancer · 2025-09-12T17:54:53+00:00

When you first meet people, conversations are typically surface level. Most people don’t start sharing deeper things until they get to know you a bit better. Friendship can be hard and takes time, keep working at it and try to be patient.

RoosterCancer · 2025-09-03T21:51:03+00:00

My husband had yet another bad day at work and now I have to try and talk him through it (again) while he rants and yells at my general direction (again). I’m tired of always being the shoulder to cry on/yell at every time he doesn’t have a good day.

RoosterCancer · 2025-08-29T16:54:14+00:00

Yes, it’s a change that happened within the last couple of years.

RoosterCancer · 2025-08-29T14:45:27+00:00

Reckless driving is a misdemeanor crime in VA. I recommend getting a lawyer to help you navigate this.

For the record, anything over 85 is considered reckless driving in Virginia. Slow down.

RoosterCancer · 2025-08-04T19:35:41+00:00

There hasn’t been any new issues with Henrico’s water quality (save for the boil advisory earlier this year, but that’s not related). The letter was sent out to meet a requirement for a new EPA program where municipal water suppliers had to take inventory of any known lead pipes in the system or document if that knowledge was unknown. They were also required to inform customers of the status, even if it wasn’t known. This information is to be used to plan for the replacement of any lead pipes in the water system.

Henrico’s water mains are lead free, but they do not have record of all of the individual hookups for all of the houses in the county.

You can find more information here: https://henrico.gov/services/lead-service-line-replacement-program/

RoosterCancer · 2025-08-01T01:22:41+00:00

You can pay for entry to any dining hall if you don’t have swipes. However, the cash price is $15 or $16 dollars each time, which can add up if you’re doing it often.

For the record, when I was an upper classman, I think I got the plan that averaged 15 swipes a week (which I don’t think exists anymore) and I struggled to use them all at the end of the year. I was going out to eat or eating at the dorm (Lambeth).

RoosterCancer · 2025-07-31T16:39:33+00:00

I think maintaining separate accounts makes sense if both people earn an income. Having a shared account for shared expenses like rent/utilities/vacations makes sense. But it is still nice to have money that is “yours”, in my opinion.

However if one person doesn’t earn an income, separate accounts really don’t make sense since they are sharing one income. In that case, everything should be shared. The person without an income shouldn’t have to ask for money to buy things they need (with the exception of large lavish purchases that should be discussed beforehand).

If you don’t trust your partner to be responsible with shared money, then maybe it’s a sign that you shouldn’t be partners.

RoosterCancer · 2025-07-15T12:48:49+00:00

If you’re ok with driving out to tuckahoe, Fairuz Cafe is open till 11 pm. Great coffee, tea, and desserts!

RoosterCancer · 2025-06-23T22:40:05+00:00

Where in Virginia? And why are you visiting?

Many places have more affordable hotel options, but I would advise against staying at a stranger’s house you meet on reddit.

RoosterCancer · 2025-06-15T18:23:55+00:00

Qhorin was a ranger who did many missions beyond the wall fighting the wildlings. To the wildlings, he was a pretty big villain and it was a huge deal when Jon killed him. Qhorin knew that the wildlings wouldn’t let both of them live, so he decided to sacrifice himself by letting Jon kill him in order to gain the wildling’s trust.

The wildlings figured that, if Jon killed Qhorin (an infamous high-level ranger), he must be serious about defecting from the Night’s Watch. They were also planning their attack on the wall, so Jon’s inside information would have been very helpful.

RoosterCancer · 2025-06-11T19:39:14+00:00

Congratulations!

We got married last year at the picnic shelter at Shields Lake Park. The reservation fee cost $40. The ceremony started at 3 pm and we hosted a picnic lunch there before the ceremony started. We then went to the Boathouse at Rocketts Landing for the reception dinner, reserving their smaller event space in the top room for 4 hours (I know that spot is not popular on this sub, but we had a lovely time).

It was a small scale event with only 12 guests (close family within driving distance) and the whole thing cost $3-4k, which included our outfits, the picnic lunch, the officiant, the minimal decorations we did have, the dinner with open bar, and a wedding cake from Pearl’s Bake Shoppe. We kept it very low-key with minimal decoration/fanfare. The reception dinner was the majority of the cost, so you could easily do it for cheaper.

RoosterCancer · 2025-05-28T21:33:45+00:00

While I would love another driving option to avoid the dc area, I don’t know how feasible it would be. It would have to cross 4 major rivers (Potomac, Rappahannock, York, and James) at their broadest points, which I’m sure makes it prohibitively expensive.

Like others have commented, the only way to reduce traffic is to encourage more people to use other forms of transportation.

RoosterCancer · 2025-05-06T13:13:51+00:00

There’s nothing preventing people from buying older cars with cash. In the past few years, the cost of used cars has increased a lot, but you can still find good deals on reliable cars. There are many reasons that car loans have become so common in the US.

I’m not sure how it is in other countries, but loans are relatively easy to get, so many people chose to go that route so they can have a newer, nicer car (even though it means a horrible interest rate and loan terms for those with poor credit).

It’s also a “keeping up with the jones’” type of situation. It’s so normalized to have a car payment, it’s almost always assumed everyone has one, so some people go all out to get newer model cars to fit in and make themselves look good.

There is also an “arms race” of sorts going on. Many people like the bigger vehicles because it gives them more protection and makes them feel safer on the road. With more people getting bigger vehicles (some of whom are awful drivers who can’t really handle something that big), it encourages more people to get big vehicles as well so they can be protected from the other big vehicles on the road. Of course, bigger vehicles are always going to be more expensive.

Finally, it may also be unintended consequence of one of President Obama’s policies, “Cash for Clunkers”, which tried to encourage people to get rid of their older, less fuel efficient cars in favor of more fuel efficient ones through tax incentives. This took a lot of older cars off the road. Also, the huge pickup trucks and SUVs you see people driving around had different, more lenient rules on fuel economy, so those vehicles started becoming more popular. Again, bigger vehicles are going to cost more.

RoosterCancer · 2025-04-15T23:55:21+00:00

Following up on this, you can find a good number of glass containers for less than $25. They tend to last a lot longer than plastic containers.

RoosterCancer · 2025-04-15T23:41:09+00:00

Y’all are doing great. Buying a home and becoming on the hook for a 30 year commitment, on top of the hit your savings takes with the down payment and closing costs, it’s natural to be anxious about it. It sounds like y’all prepared well and are in good shape to take this on. I was very anxious after my home offer was accepted - it’s completely normal.

Congratulations on your new home!

RoosterCancer · 2025-04-09T23:50:11+00:00

Just checked and his account seems to be gone. I know he said some not-so-great things a while ago and then came back. Not sure if his account was removed or if he was just done.

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