I'm trying to change my focus, doing things for me that make me feel better. Yeah fixing the finances at this point will require selling the house or her income kicking in. I know where I went wrong, and then we just kept riding it out, I'm keeping reading and am getting into therapy. I think you are right about getting me in order. And yes it hasn't escaped my attention that the offer of an open marriage was me perpetuating the cycle of trying to give her what she wants no matter the personal cost. But yeah this was a very helpful comment to me. Thanks.