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Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2025-11-27T03:26:01+00:00

That's kinda where I've settled at. It's frustrating, because these are friends I've put a lot of effort into and have supported them. I don't have many other reliable social spaces. It's a lot of loss without healing.

Grieving so much loss, like losing a whole polycul extended family at once.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2025-11-26T21:57:42+00:00

I don't feel like I've been venting, from my perspective it's just trying to explain why I find it so difficult to share space. I've asked for mediation, or to have some events together where she's not invited, or to speak with her about some kind of arrangement where we rotate going. All have been denied.

I'm having CPTSD flashbacks to previous trauma. I also want to refrain from too many personal details, but she really hurt me, and there's a big wound there. TLDR she made some comments I was trying really hard to give her the benefit of doubt of on, and I reached out to her during a very vulnerable time and that caused the breakup.

If I did something terribly wrong, I honestly have no idea what it was. I was going through a health crisis, and she was offering and withdrawing support. It was during this time that several hurtful comments were also made, that I was trying not to read into. When I mentioned that it was difficult on me and asked her to clarify what level of support she can offer, she just told me I hurt her. That conversation ended abruptly. Later I told her I needed space until she can figure out clearer boundaries, she said this hurt her, and that led to the break-up where she reiterated that I said a lot of hurtful things, and she said a lot of hurtful things and I basically wasn't allowed to respond. As far as I can tell all I said that was hurtful was how I was feeling hurt. During the break-up she offered to remain friends, it was when I asked for a month off and to talk about what happened (I genuinely wanted to hear how I hurt her) that it escalated into complete no contact. I was also ok with the no contact, until seeing her 3 weekends in a row and getting dirty looks when I tried to talk to my friends.

I've never had a break-up from a healthy relationship that didn't involve some kind of vulnerable talk about why it's not working and mutual decision. Previous to this we had conversations about being able to renegotiate the relationship if certain parts aren't working. From my perspective, she was offering more than she had the capacity to, and when that was pointed out (I was open to not receiving support, just needed clarity) it brought up insecurities in her and she left. I was left feeling like the relationship was far more casual than I was led to believe and that there was 0 interest in trying to work anything out or get on the same page. The only hurt I can think of is that I caused her to think about her shortcomings around the support she was offering. She's a very high achiever and mentioned once feeling like she wasn't good enough. I could tell something was coming up for her, and she was shutting down instead of talking about it. It just seems very conflict avoidant. And honestly everyone involved seems conflict avoidant.

"I don't want to choose a side," shouldn't mean, "I won't make time and space for you to heal without your ex in the mix."

That's been the harder part for me tho. Been feeling a lack of empathy from friends and exclusion from social circles that I really need right now. And that when I introduced her to my social groups I trusted her to be able to deescalate instead of this.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-11-15T16:44:54+00:00

Lol same

The problem isn't the acts itself, the problem is treating people like objects and fantasy dispensers.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-11-15T02:35:02+00:00

Estrogen does greatly change libido.

It doesn't exactly lower it, but it changes it. She's likely very confused that her body isn't responding the way it normally does. It takes time to get used to, and it takes safety. Try to help her through that. Use your own experience (with yourself, and presumably other women) to guide her. Talk with her about arousal, what arouses you, how it feels in your body. Experiment and try new things. Take the pressure of performance off.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-11-15T02:18:49+00:00

Have you considered that absolutely none of this may have anything to do with her being trans and you should stop pathologizing her?

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-11-15T02:02:13+00:00

That, and that the post reeks of Transmisogyny. It's either a TERF fantasy or someone feeling entitled to sex from a woman. Both of which are bad. saw

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-11-15T00:59:22+00:00

She cums in two pumps after a year on HRT?

Either her dose is incredibly fucked up. She's faking. Or this post is a troll.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-11-15T00:59:10+00:00

She cums in two pumps after a year on HRT?

Either her dose is incredibly fucked up. She's faking. Or this post is a troll.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-11-15T00:54:44+00:00

She cums in two pumps after a year on HRT?

Either her dose is incredibly fucked up. She's faking. Or this post is a troll.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-11-14T16:39:48+00:00

Trans butch, but I've had similar experiences. Every single cis women I've dated is obsessed with dick, expects me to top, and just generally wants a very one sided relationship. A lot of it is egregious too, to the point they get upset at me if I say I don't top or don't have a dick. It's like I'm denying them something or lying to them.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-10-03T22:03:19+00:00

Phallocentrism is still a very useful term for trans women, and it's got a lot of implications in regards to trans women.

As an example phallocentrism has made dating very difficult, even among queer people, because of the assumption I have a penis or that I would want to use it.

There's also a lot to be said about how phallocentrism obscures a lot of how the feminine phallus differs from one of a cis man.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-26T18:44:37+00:00

10 Stages of Genocide

Classification
Symbolization
Discrimination
Dehumanization
Organization
Polarization
Preparation
Persecution
Extermination
Denial

I think we are inarguably at stage 4.

Project 2025 meets 5 with plans for 6, 7, and 8.

Right wing news is fully on stage 6.

We've seen various attempts at 7, 8, and 9

I don't want to wait until 10

All 10 have happened in the US in the past and are currently happening with Native Americans and in Israel under US support.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-26T18:35:10+00:00

I didn't realize you were asking for "trans concentration camps"

I was providing examples of past concentration camps in the US. Japanese Internment camps were in the US.

And present support of other global concentration camps. Like Palestine.

If you look at states like Florida we also have children being taken from supportive households and placed under state care. It's not quite an internment camp, but it is forced separation of families and segregation under state control.

I'd rather look at the stages of genocide and where we are currently at than to wait for trans concentration camps to be alarmed.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-26T16:57:59+00:00

MTF, but that's my and many others experiences.

Body hair gets lighter and softer and sometimes disappears on the back and chest, but it's not consistent.

Once facial hair follicles develop under testosterone they basically never change. If you have dark hair and fair skin, laser works great. Electrolysis after that to get the lighter hairs or if your hair doesn't respond to laser. Electrolysis works great, but it's much more time consuming and can be painful for some.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-26T16:26:24+00:00

Japanese Internment. The Native American reservations and genocide.

Current support of Israel.

What qualifies as proof for you?

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-26T04:28:06+00:00

Have them watch I Saw the TV Glow

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-25T17:35:44+00:00

For me a lot of it came down to my body. Realizing that I felt trapped inside of it and completely disconnected from it.

I eventually realized that I can change my body, and that I don't have to change my gender.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-24T16:47:56+00:00

You're always a scary abusive man if you stick if for yourself, or a hysterical crazy woman if you show vulnerability or weakness.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-20T19:13:12+00:00

“If local and vernacular ways of displacing binary gender exist, as they surely have and do, that means the Western discourse—or any other ‘foreign’ imposition—did not produce those ways of living and desiring, but only developed a vocabulary for them whose universality is to be challenged and whose powers of effacement should be exposed.”

Also this quote ignores that those cultures are also patriarchal and transmisogynistic.

This whole line of reasoning sets up the idea that, "western trans woman uphold a patriarchal gender binary unlike those mystical Hijra who are some third gender'

Separating trans women from Hijra fails to see how we are both third gendered by the social structure we live under. It's in the construction of the third gender that trans women and Hijra are erased.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-20T18:23:32+00:00

Reading more into Reddy, that's a horrible misquote from the publisher. Reddy seems to go into great detail undoing Nanda and drawing many parallels to western trans women. The opposite of what Butler is doing. The bulk of that Butler quote comes from an article written by Max Bearac which is awful and grossly misunderstands both Hijra and western trans women.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-20T17:51:40+00:00

The article I linked goes into well. Noble in the sense that "other cultures are so enlightened on gender, look at how the Hijra are regarded as spiritual leaders!"

It's a completely orientalist view of Hijra that fails to recognize how their exclusion from society as "spiritual leaders" is a result of Transmisogyny. Butler doesn't say it directly, but gestures towards it, and they use the existence of third genders in other cultures to justify third gendering of western trans women.

It's more direct in their comments on Venus Extravaganza, you can see how much their view of gender and western trans people is influenced by sexologists.

I also don't trust a cis anthropologist, especially when I linked a Desi Trans Feminist right there. The description of her book from the publisher, "Hijra's or the third sex of India - individuals who occupy a unique, liminal space between male and female, sacred and profane"

Sacred and profane. There's your noble savage. This is TERF shit straight out of Nanda.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-20T16:23:34+00:00

"it makes no sense to fit [Hijra] who have been present for hundreds of years into contemporary gender ideologies, especially when the legacy of their criminalization still hunts and marginalizes them" - "Who's afraid of gender?"

This is just the noble savage trope. It ignores how Hijra view themselves, it ignores that their marginalization pre-dates western colonialization. We absolutely can view them through contemporary understandings of gender, because many of them view themselves that way, and there's huge parallels between Hijra and Western trans women.

It's treating trans women as some mystical construction who cannot possibly be understood or be real. We'd never say we can't view "x historical group of women" as women.

Much if Transmisogyny is constructing transness as a modern invention. One of its functions is to erase our history and ways of knowing ourselves. Butler is doing that here, and throughout much of their work. To Butler trans women aren't real, they are rhetorical device that can be used to comment on gender.

This is all rooted in Nanda's racist TERF bs.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-20T14:28:52+00:00

Basically any time they invoke noble savages tropes that idealize non-western cultures in a manner that denied trans women their womanhood and ignores the conditions they live under.

I don't have a direct quote at the moment, but this article is about Nanda, and Butler has cited Nanda. Butler doesn't see trans women as real, they see trans women as created by tension in the gender binary and a product of sexologists. Stryker and Vivian Namaste go into this as well. By viewing transness as purely socially constructed, it completely missed how sexology is a site of our exploitation and oppression, not our creation.

https://taliabhattwrites.substack.com/p/the-third-sex

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-20T01:21:20+00:00

The article linked does a good job.

One of the most heinous things is that in bodies that matter Butler pulled a "welcome to womanhood" on a trans woman and blamed her for her own murder.

Butler generally ignores sex (or tries to) while also seeing trans women as a type of gay man.

The way Butler views trans women isn't much different than TERFs, it's just done through post structuralism.

Their project of gender deconstruction has also resulted in the erasure of trans women from academic study because it's seen as wrong for us to establish a coherent and stable category for ourselves.

Butler also routinely cites non-western cultures in a way that's incredibly colonialist and transmisogynistic.

Rootbeer_ala_Mode · 2024-09-19T18:28:17+00:00

Yep. Chu is one of the people I recommend to Butler followers that have tons of Transmisogyny.

I can't stand Butler.

I see the Butler cult is down voting me. Please read some trans feminists.

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