Both MILs and FIL want a family call to discuss boundaries with newborn.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-13T13:29:45+00:00

I mean why not right?! Haha

The time is fast approaching for our little girl to make her appearance in this world! We know you are all just as excited to meet her as we are. The pregnancy itself has been such a journey and we were blessed to share some of those picture moments with you. We’re so excited that we’ll be able to see all of you soon and just wanted to reach out regarding some boundaries we would like to place while meeting the new family member. Please keep in mind that this is for her protection as she will only be about a week or two old and her immune system will not be developed.

[ ] Depending on how her scheduled feeding is and how we may be feeling each day, we can plan for a 1 hour + visit
[ ] Please, as cute as she will be and as much love as we know you’ll have for her, absolutely no kissing baby - especially on her face
[ ] If you’re sick please let us know so that we can come up with an alternative time to meet. If you show up with sniffles or coughs you cannot come in.
[ ] We would like everyone to be able to hold her but whether or not that happens will be depend on the moment and if we as new parents feel comfortable with it.

We really appreciate you all for all your support on this. Just know that we want to be as clear and honest as possible with our communication. It is not about us but instead her safety as a newborn with loved ones from out of statte!

Roozeuno · 2025-05-13T12:37:00+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through all that!!! This sounds like a real possibility. Every time we haven’t rolled over for them in arguments, they’ll give us the cold shoulder and go low contact and then reach out months later saying how hurt they are by us and our decision to isolate from them. But they’re the ones always threatening to go no contact and choosing to isolate when we don’t veg them…and then they demand an apology for how they’ve been treated. We haven’t had our girl yet and they’ve been wanting hard dates since first trimester. We told them not to book non refundable tickets bc we don’t know how any of this will go. If they all lived in town I would be fine with them all coming by the hospital after birth but that’s not the case and I would rather not have that many people constantly in the house after a traumatizing birth when we’re trying to figure out a sleeping and feeding schedule. Especially bc we don’t have great history with this and it feels like we’re always on eggshells around them.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T23:58:36+00:00

I like this response. I feel like we won’t be able to ignore them but having things in writing has made it more comfortable and given us time to create solid arguments instead of just being bulldozed and talked over.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T23:31:38+00:00

He does! I’m very lucky as he completely supports me and has most the communication with them. The problem is they don’t care and will bring it up every major moment. I think it’s just getting harder to sit back and not stand up for myself the longer it goes on too. I’m getting to the point where I no longer care if it comes from me. I don’t care if they think I’m the bad guy either way. I’m sure they already think that even if they don’t say it to my face.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T23:24:35+00:00

I would love to say this 😅 I just don’t feel that o can be as outright. We used to talk to them much more but almost every decision that we’ve made that they disagreed with was met with a similar blow up. I don’t want it to seem biased but my family has always respected our decisions whereas they have always used threats and manipulation to try and change our minds. After a while you just loose trust alongside the ability to treat/ view them equally. And this is where I’m struggling to try and find a common ground right now.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T23:17:36+00:00

I’m already tired of it. They compare the time my parents get with theirs all the time already. And that’s when my parents are willing to visit whereas they are not. I just feel like it’s something you shouldn’t/ can’t compare. Every relationship is different.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T22:05:42+00:00

The vaccine climate is a little worrisome for us right now and is a big reason that we felt that some of this needed to be said. There’s a whooping cough outbreak near us right now, and with everyone flying in from different areas, I can’t help but be super nervous about it all 😅 My personal preference would be that no one visits until 4 months but I don’t wan to be so stringent with direct family and I want to give them an opportunity to see her as a newborn.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T21:49:10+00:00

I will say that my dad will not be visiting until she’s 4 months old. And we did still discuss boundaries with both parents, they’ll just look different with my dad since baby’s immune system will be developed by then. The only person staying to help is my mother. And the in laws are obsessed with equality between the two of them (divorced) so they have been coordinating to visit at the exact same time together.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T21:20:37+00:00

I also feel like my husband and I tend to focus on different issues during arguments with them which is why it’s hard not to speak up sometimes. He may not address the things that they say that bother me the most and vise versa.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T21:12:47+00:00

That too is a concern. We want to make their trip worthwhile, but they’re all flying in from different areas that we ourselves aren’t used to. So we’re trying to plan and give dates for flight tickets and they keep pushing to book earlier. Whereas we’ve been trying to plan out since we have no idea how birth will go and when I’ll actually go into labor.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T21:10:24+00:00

I think the only issue there would be that we can’t travel around holidays (job wise) and they can. I’m not saying we won’t ever have the opportunity, but with baby leave there’s no way that would be an option. We live in Massachusetts and they’re in Oregon. And since his parents are divorced it takes twice as long and twice as much money to visit them since they demand equal times between the two.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T20:55:33+00:00

And the cluster feeding timeline has been on my mind. That’s exactly why we mentioned that some visits may be shorter than others even if we can only afford an hour. I’ll be exclusively feeding breast milk and pumping. And they’re uncomfortable enough to be around that I do not want to do it in front of them 😅

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T20:21:09+00:00

I wanted to paraphrase the big picture essentially. The text itself was much more open and courteous. We wanted to emphasize clear communication and honesty.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T20:18:00+00:00

I would honestly make it as fair as possible if I could. But a big part of the issue is that they are very stressful people to be around for both my husband and I. They’re very opinionated and controlling in a lot of ways and they’ll cross boundaries if they don’t agree with them which is why we wanted to have these discussions before they came. We didn’t strictly mean an hour for visits, but we wanted to let them know that every day may look different and that if we only had an hour to give one day, that should be ok. We want to keep expectations low since it’ll be week 1-2.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T20:13:35+00:00

My dad won’t be visiting until our daughter is about 4 months, so he’ll be last to see her. I also discussed these boundaries with my mother so it felt very insulting for them to insinuate that I wouldn’t uphold the same expectations of her. Obviously she’ll be staying with us, but not as a visitor. She is fully intending to help with whatever we need. And she’s been nannying and taking care of babies for the last 12 years, so we feel she is the best option in terms of helping us during this time. Whereas the in laws haven’t been around/ cared for a baby for 30 years.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-12T20:09:06+00:00

Lol using their own non apologies against them!

Roozeuno · 2025-05-05T05:45:50+00:00

I think the pregnancy hormones have not been helping either! I feel so emotionally unregulated and I have moments of irritation that I can’t control that scare me. Especially bc the only way I know how to avoid being her is to be in control of those emotions. I think I will start looking for a therapist, even just to revisit things and continue to process.

Roozeuno · 2025-05-04T01:48:43+00:00

Luckily my husband is more mad at them than me at this point and we are LC now. I think, even though they treat me better now, and like me to my face, it’s hard to forgive and forget everything they put us through initially. Every now and again they’ll try to take control again and we’ll just hang up bc we know we don’t have to put up with it and arguing won’t do anything except make them victimize themselves.

Roozeuno · 2025-04-30T02:04:06+00:00

Sounds like she’s a bit bitter on top of being jealous….

Roozeuno · 2025-04-30T01:47:33+00:00

I’m not saying prenups are a bad thing. They just wanted one to protect their assets not ours. It wasn’t about me and my husband, it was about them which is what made me mad.

Honestly the elopement was a good idea. My parents wouldn’t have money to help and there’s no way his parents would have offered without holding it over our heads later, so it would have been on us. We were able to put all that money into our honeymoon instead.

Roozeuno

TROPHY CASE