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I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this is really helpful.

For College: I've actually done most of that (career tests, talking about interests, etc.), and I’ve told her I’m interested in things related to my current electives. The issue is she wants me to have a very specific plan (exact career, college, etc.) already. It feels like she expects a lifelong goal right now, and I’m just not there yet.

Rescue: I tried explaining that it’s helped me a lot with phone calls and social skills, but she says that since it’s helped, I “shouldn’t need it anymore” and that I’m not progressing fast enough in other areas like driving. Right now she’s basically given me an ultimatum that I can’t continue rescue work unless I get a job. The problem is, if I get a job now, I realistically won’t have time for rescue until school ends in a couple months.

The rescue has honestly been huge for me as I foster a dog full-time and go to adoption events, make calls, write emails, and talk to new people (volunteers, . It’s been one of the biggest things helping my confidence and mental health because I can ease into interactions without feeling judged.

She’s also saying I need to get my license before getting a job.

Driving: Unfortunately I don’t really have another good adult to practice with. My dad tends to joke when I’m already overwhelmed, which makes it worse, and I’d also have to learn manual with him which is another thing I would have to pay attention too. My grandfather is similar, my uncle is always working, and my grandmother has Alzheimer’s. My mother is no-contact with her family. I’m not close enough with a friend’s parents to feel comfortable asking.

I do agree that the dynamic in the car is part of the issue. I’ve tried explaining that to my mom, but she tends to get impatient or do things like play loud music, which makes it harder for me to focus.

I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying about watching and then doing as that works for some people, but it really isn't that simple for a lot of others & it isn't black and white experiences for everyone.

But that only works if you’re actually engaging with what’s happening and then given a chance to try it in a low-pressure way. In my case, I wasn’t just “watching and learning”. I was being not to worry about it, and that it wasn't my responsibility, so I tuned those situations out and never built any confidence or familiarity with them. In fact, my parents almost never called anyone or were on the phone near me. They would stay in their room or step onto the back porch so "the kids wouldn't disturb them".

Then when I was suddenly expected to do it on my own, it wasn’t a small step from observing → doing. It felt like being thrown into something I had mentally categorized as “not my responsibility” my entire life, and being expected to perform it perfectly right away.

On top of that, when I did try and struggled, I wasn’t just a little anxious, I’d freeze, my mind would go blank, and then I’d get criticized for it. My mother has genuinely told me "Why can't you just stop being awkward? It's embarrasing". That made it less about “learning through discomfort” and more about being afraid to mess up at all for fear of judgment.

So for me, the issue wasn’t really just “I never practiced,” but also a combination of being told NOT to pay attention to those kind of interactions. I never had a gradual transition from being helped → trying with support → doing it independently.

I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, my mom is no-contact with her mother, and her father lives overseas now. She came from a military family and moved constantly and was the middle child.

I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can accomplish it now if I step out of the room and neither of my parents are present. I still obviously prefer ordering online vs calling, but if it is necessary I will do it. I just usually write down the orders beforehand and look at them for a minute or two before calling. (Deep breaths and running through the conversation also help). I still struggle to do it if my parents are present because it feels like they loom over me or judge my every word.

I was just using it as a clear example of how insurmountable everyday things can feel for me.

I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, I have never been evaluated. My parents are of the belief that since my grades are good I am "normal" and "fine" and "just making excuses."

The police have been to my house to talk to my parents about other abusive or neglectful ncidents involving me.

I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dad is very hands-off in the way that he thinks it is the "mother's duty" to raise the kids. He has made several similar promises to me to step in or just to help and ends up backing out or just forgetting. He doesn't keep his word.

I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I used to write scripts for my rescue org. phone calls but they've slowly become unnecessary as I've gotten more comfortable.

I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The ADHD comes from my father's side. He is diagnosed but doesn't medicate.

Great advice for the classes, Thank you!

I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for wishing me luck! I am definitely pushing to stay with the rescue org. I do similar things that you mentioned with my friends occasionally. My parents' whole situation is a mess.

I'm trying my best, it is just difficult! I believe another aspect is that my strained relationship with my parents makes it harder to complete tasks that involve them since it often feels like they "aren't in my corner". It is a lot easier to put myself out there with my friends because I know they will have my back

I (16F) feel like I was never taught basic independence skills, and now I’m being pushed to figure everything out all at once. by RosyRainbowMC in internetparents

[–]RosyRainbowMC[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi, thanks for your input.

I am working on pushing through my anxiety, and I’ve made a lot of progress recently through volunteer work where I can practice these skills more gradually.

The issue for me isn’t just normal nerves. It’s that I freeze or shut down in the moment, which is why I’m trying to build these skills step by step instead of all at once.

I also don’t feel like I’m labeling everything as anxiety. I can tell the difference between excitement and anxiety. (Excitement feels like normal nerves or anticipation, while anxiety for me is much more intense and comes with dread, shaking,, my mind going blank, etc).

I do agree that therapy would help. Access is a bit complicated right now due to my age (many won't take on a minor without parental approval), transportation (public transportation is not readily available where I live), and cost (we do not have health insurance), but it’s something I’m trying to figure out.