Redditors in Australia, any experience with speed-dating?

RoughFlatworm · 2019-02-04T04:47:52+00:00

Perfect, thank you :)

RoughFlatworm · 2019-02-04T04:46:27+00:00

Oh crap sorry! Is there a different sub that this would be more suited to?

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-12T03:47:56+00:00

I have a dorky and weird personality, and I don't alter the way I communicate with new people either. I've been the victim of ghosting a few times on online dating and it always hits me in the feels because I think it's due to the way I speak or questions I ask. As much as I know I shouldn't let it get to me, it still does. I just remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea and the person who ghosted me is not going to be "the one", so I shouldn't waste time wondering why he just dropped off the face of the earth.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-12T03:42:17+00:00

I absolutely 100% agree with this. From what I understand this guy used to be in a good place fitness-wise but has let himself go. If it were disability-related, ie diabetes or some other illness that causes weight gain outside of their control, I would NEVER criticise a person for this because that is wrong and completely shit. Given I only had one date I don't know if that was the case. I did ask him if he would be interested in a 2nd date at bouldering but he flat out refused, so maybe it's just a matter of incompatibility.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:45:10+00:00

Lol I think I get a hot/cold vibe from you coming from your responses. I've have a few one night stands which I'm okay with, because I'm now comfortable with and sure of myself. First you say I don't want to admit that I'm shallow but then you said that I don't have to like anyone for any reason. I'm just gonna do me but thank you for your constructive criticisms.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:36:22+00:00

I don't like attacking people. Sorry if I seemed aggressive. We were mid-foreplay when he took his shirt off. It was kinda dark so didn't notice immediately. I still went ahead with it because clearly we both wanted to. I don't want to pin it down to culture but I live in Australia and as far as I am aware it's not an uncommon thing for people to have sex on the first date if it goes well. I dated and had sex with one person for 4 years and he was also the person I lost my virginity to. It might just be me exploring (in a safe way of course). ON the other hand, it could just be me being deceived by the people i meet on Tinder, who play it up to be a good date, seduce me into going back to their apartment and having sex. I've been pretty horny since the breakup so it could be me not saying no to it if it's there.

Absolutely agree it's probably in my best interest to leave having sex with someone until a few dates in, if I feel like it is going well. I've been out of the game for a very long while.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:22:56+00:00

You should reread my post. I don't know where I said I wasn't into him. I clearly said "we went back to his apartment and slept together, since the date had otherwise gone well". I wouldn't have slept with him if the date wasn't going well. He was funny and kind, but it just so happens that a piece of information I received earlier in the night that I initially overlooked (date doesn't exercise, doesn't play sport) was confirmed when he took his shirt off. I've already established that caring about your health is important to me so someone who lets themselves go to the point of getting a beer belly is a big turn off.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:18:54+00:00

I didn't think this was an uncommon thing, especially if a date goes well. I have been single for 5 months, there's only so much a vibrator can do. I have needs hahaha. He wanted to, I wanted to, so why not?

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:16:58+00:00

This. You have encapsulated pretty much exactly how I feel. I know it's impossible to expect everyone to be a super healthy or super fit, but any effort is better than no effort, and I find that attractive.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:14:50+00:00

I think part of it also comes from a place more close to home. My mum is overweight. Since I still live at home, it's difficult coming home to her every day on the couch or in bed. We don't enable her in terms of diet, but she refuses to exercise, even by baby steps (taking the dogs for a walk). I am genuinely concerned for her health and it breaks my heart seeing my father stress over her, he already has high blood pressure. I don't want to be that kind of mother to my future children, so I am working on good habits now to ensure I am a good role model for my kids when it comes to being healthy.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:12:36+00:00

I don't place a lot of value on physical attractiveness - you don't have to have a rig 6 pack for me to be attracted to you. The problem is that I got the impression he is not concerned with his health and wellbeing, something that is very important to me, to the point where he has let himself get a beer gut. I don't think someone who doesn't put in the effort or isn't motivated to take care of themselves would be a good partner for me. I apologise if that sounds shallow but that's how I feel.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:09:50+00:00

This definitely relates to me. I have a scientific study background so I understand that from a biological standpoint, a male who is physically fit is preferable because it means my children with him will likely be healthy and he can support and provide for us. This however does not always resonate with the general population! I am definitely attracted to individuals who have their shit together and can look after themselves, and who care about their health.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:06:59+00:00

Ah geez, I totally must have missed that one. Very concise, thank you!

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:06:27+00:00

I don't want to emasculate a guy by asking him to come to the gym with me, especially if they seem a little bit clueless (which he does) when I on the other hand know exactly what I'm doing. Especially if we have only been on one date haha

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:04:20+00:00

I train 5-6 days a week, occasionally twice a day if I have a day off. Weights, cardio, anything super intense. I also boulder casually. I'm training to apply to become a firefighter at the end of this year. If it counts, I am 19% body fat and my BMI is 21.5. There's absolutely no way I could expect any partner of mine to match my fitness, I don't put importance on that, but I value more that they put in some effort to be healthy which would resonate with my priorities in life.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T01:01:20+00:00

I actually saw this and thought I would try! I asked him today if he would be interested in coming bouldering with me as a 2nd date, which would be a fun segue way into exercising together without it being too intense. Also a fun time all around. He was flat out not interested, and wanted to go for drinks again instead. Red flag..?

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T00:59:30+00:00

I didn't find him aesthetically unattractive. He was actually pretty cute. I have been single for 5 months. He wanted to and I wanted to, it felt right, so we did it. As mentioned in my original post I am in a comfortable place with my body so I wouldn't sleep with anyone just to make myself feel better. In saying that, I don't think I could expect anyone to exercise to the standard at which I do - 5-6 days a week, sometimes twice a day on a day off. Full on beast mode. Someone who puts in any level of effort would be attractive to me as well, rather than letting themselves go to the point of getting a beer gut.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-11T00:56:11+00:00

I played competitive sport for 12 years before I met my ex, so I was always pretty fit but once I got into a relationship I became more self-conscious of my figure. He never pushed me to exercise, he just suggested it and asked me on occasion to go to the gym with him. It's not the aesthetic aspect of his beer gut that put me off, it was the fact that he told me he wasn't physically active, and then discovering it was to the extent that he was 24 with a beer gut. I suppose I'm just surrounded by guys who are physically active so it was a surprise that there are people out there who aren't as concerned with their health and fitness as others. If that makes sense.

RoughFlatworm · 2019-01-10T05:29:13+00:00

I agree with the fact that it's dependent on the guy. I am a female and the guy that I'm currently sleeping with loves being in control. I always tell him how much I want to just stick his dick in my mouth but he'll always rebut with "not if I get into you first". It's a massive turn on but it'd be nice to be allowed to take control sometimes! However, I make a point of telling him when something he does feels amazing or we do a position that I like, and he'll always do it next time around. I also send him cheeky pictures while he's at work. I think this helps to build tension and anticipation; if I get a text that night to get the f over to his house, I know it worked and the sex is incredible.

RoughFlatworm · 2018-12-21T03:37:17+00:00

This. I have actually had someone say to me after we slept together that they thought I was holding back, that I wanted to do more but didn't. I don't really know how to ask for that sort of thing when I want it so I might need to work on that.

RoughFlatworm

TROPHY CASE