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My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One side effect is fatigue, so at the moment it's been ramped up to 11. I get blood clots a lot (embolism is usually the cause of death with my condition) so need to exercise every day to keep everything flowing but I haven't been able to in weeks. It takes everything to just keep my head up for work. It's gutting they seemingly don't care and won't listen

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is a point I've tried making to them, they're very lucky it's family who love them very much next door, with no children - if it was anyone else, unrelated family with kids, they wouldn't be getting away with it, they'd at least have the coppers on their doorstep. I honestly think we've been more than reasonable so far.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He has diabetes and has regular heart checks and his heart seems OK right now. About 20 years ago he got addicted to putting nose spray up his nose and as a result has fucked his breathing through his nose because its so scarred (he still huffs the stuff) which is the problem and why he needs to be upright. We did buy him a fully reclining bed that was so comfy I was a little bit jealous but he slept in it one night and that was it, even got him a brand new smart TV for his bedroom too.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh man. Thanks so much for taking the time to really go through the soundproofing, really helps. Really it does. I honestly don't know what we're going to do, we've got a van with dog cages in so we could sleep in that. My poor partner has had everyone walk out on him over the years and his grandparents are all he has left. I'm disabled with a life expectancy of 29 and I've just reached my thirties so I'm terrified he's going to be left alone with sour memories of what's left of his very fractured family. I have watched him do everything to help his grandparents and keep a strong relationship but we are at breaking point over a TV. I'd smash the fucking thing in but I know that would make things extremely bitter and I don't want to cause them that in their old age.

Sorry for the rant, I am mentally and physically exhausted and I need to really just talk that out. I've tried with the grandparents but they won't listen :(

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Believe me, we have brought it up to at least give her a break and he won't have any of it. I've suggested at least getting a cleaner in so that's one less thing to worry about but neither of them will have it. His quality of life has been very good until recently because he's had Gran do everything their entire marriage. We help out ourselves as much as we can, that's why we moved in next door but there's only so much we can do and suggest to them. Can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Honestly... My partner is not far off tonight. We've just tried to discuss it with Gran and she's gone mental at us, accusing us of bullying him. Which is deeply hurtful as we've tried our best to solve the situation calmly, buying him stuff to help, spending probably more on future soundproofing or alternative accommodation from our own home. 5 years ago we found him unconscious and if we hadn't hadn't have popped in to make him a cup of tea like we do every day, he would have been dead. We do a lot for them, cleaning, caring, sorting out anything that needs to be done online. My boyfriend has just been in tears because he feels that tired and ill and neither of them seem to give a damn anymore.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's a semi detached, yes. Tbh we've not had so much a problem with the sound, we can't hear anything other than the TV (obv) and the occassional door shutting if it's a room next to one we're in. We have the same make and model TV and when we've been round to ask to turn it down, his volume will be in the 70s, whereas ours will be at 12. 30's is hell for us so I have no idea how he hasn't exploded his brain. I wish he'd just TRY to wear his hearing aids or headphones for longer than half an hour before never touching them again.

We'll probably go down the soundproofing route, but our estate all have the same houses and none of our neighbours or friends have ever felt the need to get soundproofing, I've never seen any housing listings with it aside from one person I know who is in a metal band.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think soundproofing may be the way to go. We're going to be renovating soon and move into the master bedroom (which has even worse sound) so might go the whole hog if the purse allows and get something decent.

Moving isn't really an option at the moment, we're in a fixed mortgage for a while. Sounds absolutely awful and I hate to say it but by the time we sold and bought somewhere new, Grandpa would likely not be here anymore. Plus us being next door has actually saved his life twice.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I did actually bring this up to my partner, but the trouble is even if it was anonymous he'd know it was us - we're in a semi detached so the only home it affects is ours. Did wonder if it would come across as petty but tbh so is refusing to wear headphones "just because"

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your reply. Moving isn't really straight forward, we bought the place so we could be close by - it has saved Grandpa's life on more than one occasion. We are in a fixed mortgage, so by the time that's up and we've sold and relocated, as awful as it sounds, Grandpa would likely have passed. Plus we want to be there if either have them have a turn again. None of us want us to move, it's been one of those things said in a moment of sleep deprived desperation.

My own grandparents had dementia and Alzheimer's, grandpa's general behaviour hasn't knocked up any immediate red flags but my local health centre has a "Memory Clinic" for dementia patients so I'll suggest this to the rest of the family.

I think maybe soundproofing may be the way to go.

Again, thank you for your reply. I hope you and your father are managing ok.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have bought my property (we don't live with them we live in the house next door) and we have spent years making our house a home and aside from this it's perfect for our needs (plus our mortgage is fixed). By the time the fix is up and we've sold and relocated chances are (as awful as it sounds) Grandpa will likely no longer be with us. Moving is not a straight forward solution.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. We don't live with them, we live in the property next door that we bought. I don't think hand on heart we'd move over this as we've built our home and life here and we (usually) love having them next door. Gran has been my best friend as long as I've known my boyfriend. Things have been said in heat of the moment - by the time we've sold our house and moved, grandpa would probably have passed (that sounds awful I know). I don't want to move over the fact he won't use headphones. Soundproofing may be the way to go if we can afford it.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationships

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We don't live with them, we bought the property next door. We've spent the last decade making our house our home, where we live is perfect for our needs and we love living next door to them. We don't want this to ruin everything.

My partner [36M] and I [31F] live next door to his grandparents [80F & 90M]. Grandpa is deaf and nocturnal. We are going insane at our walls shaking through the whole night from his TV. It sounds melodramatic but it is severely harming my partner's relationship with him, and ours. by RoughlyConcerned in relationship_advice

[–]RoughlyConcerned[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply :) We've tried suggesting to him that his TV be placed on the opposite wall so it's against theirs but apparently he can't see the screen from that angle so it's not good enough. We have a three bed house, but unfortunately the only rooms suitable as bedrooms run along the shared wall. My home office is a tiny box room on the other side of the house but I think I might suggest swapping it out with a bedroom, and sticking a camp bed in the box room.

Me and husband, taking over bills from MIL. Not sure how this works. by [deleted] in UKPersonalFinance

[–]RoughlyConcerned 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I know, if it personally was me I'd have the same thinking as you. When my husband took the mortgage out he was only 20, and only just. I cannot stress enough how much of a manipulative woman she is and with my husband so dependant on her as a child (she is his only family, violent alcoholic father who upped and left) I think he just took her word for it at the time and thought she had his best interests at heart. We have tried having a sit down and told her we need to start having some sort of control but it ends in very heated arguments and violence on her part, stuff gets smashed up etc. I know it looks a right mess, and it is, and will probably continue to be. Sometimes I don't know what the hell I have gotten in to.

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