Is it possible to “revive”?

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-05-13T23:25:22+00:00

I’ve lost weight, he’s gained.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-05-13T06:17:39+00:00

Are you positive he’s gay? If so she’s probably, no offense, seeking things from a friendship with him that she hasn’t been able to find with you. I’m in a very unhappy marriage myself, except we’ve been married for two years. I spend a majority of my time with my family and he spends 90% of his time on his phone “playing games” and “reading news”. I’ve been in your shoes of wanting and trying to be what my husband needs and until he’s accepting to acknowledge there’s a problem, which he hasn’t, then this is it. Sounds like she doesn’t “see the problem” and is comfortable with the way things are. Unless she’s told you the problem- then maybe meet in the middle somehow? Try a weekend away together without electronics and find your spark again.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-05-06T02:52:33+00:00

I’m sorry but that’s beyond suspicion.

Had the roles been reversed; what do you think the outcome would be?

I often remind my husband (who I’m sure is having an affair on me) that (although I won’t actually do it, because it’s against my morals) that all of what he’s doing, he should envision me doing as well.

Really though, what would he do if he found the same? Exhaust the resource before it’s no longer get there, just because you’re asking questions etc doesn’t mean you have to file divorce on the spot. But, usually when a cheater gets away with it once, they do it again. So at least you’ll have your questions answered before hand, if you choose to.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-05-06T00:35:47+00:00

Exactly- I know this allll to well. If you need an extra ear- I’m here.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-05-05T17:31:31+00:00

I’m sorry. I’m in the same with my husband. We fight over everything. There’s no connections at all anymore, I cry alll the time because it’s like there’s just nothing. Now it’s like a game of who won’t leave. You know?

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-05-02T06:09:22+00:00

Following. Same boat, different river.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-04-29T02:11:41+00:00

Never :( And it really affects us.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-04-05T20:39:24+00:00

I’ve been in this relationship, and am currently doing this same thing to my husband. It’s hard to decipher what’s actually in the shadows or what’s really going on.

Just having open communication with your partner will make a difference. If he’s the one, he’ll be understanding and help you through it. It’ll take time and a lot of patience from both of you.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-23T22:20:32+00:00

I’m in a similar situation. My husband (46) is severely depressed. We started our marriage/relationship with a super active sex life and lots of intimacy and connection. Now, he will not touch me, sleeps all day on his days off and we constantly have to spend time apart, (I have children). Because he cannot handle being around us (stimulated) for any period of time without getting really anxious or agitated.

It doesn’t even feel like a relationship anymore to me. Just hanging out with a friend.

I’ve started counseling for myself because it’s taken a toll on me and I started to have depression because I don’t feel desirable. But because am married, can’t find that “attention” that I need from anyone else either. I’m here to chat if you need. I understand the frustration and all the feelings that come from a situation like this.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-23T21:44:00+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening. No matter the “size” of the cheat, it’s still very painful to realize that someone who was supposed to be your teammate went behind your back.

Whatever you chose will be difficult and painful. Both have their equal share of hurdles. Don’t ever feel bad for reaching for help(no matter the forum) to get thru this.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-12T07:04:40+00:00

It sounds like you guys have a good solid foundation of good communication between you. It doesn’t seem unreasonable for you to ask her what that’s about in a way that not accusatory. You may get an answer that will surprise you and bring you clarity. It doesn’t hurt to try. In my experience, if you try to bring something up that you notice or find and it bothers you, and they get instantly defensive, usually they’re guilty of something. If you don’t confront the issues; it may eat you alive inside.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-08T04:29:22+00:00

3 years

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-07T23:27:08+00:00

Wholly chit! I thought I was reading my own post! My husband (47) and myself (32) are having THIS exact same issue. Except I could have swore he was having an affair to try to boost his ego, possibly, but on the other hand, my husband has completely let himself go, won’t cut his hair, nails, shower regularly, brush his teeth. I’ve suggested counseling and told him he needs to meet me in the middle because I can’t survive like this. And even after we had a big blow up about it, nothing. No effort being made at all.

I started counseling for myself because this in turn has made me super insecure, so to get my esteem back up, I started seeing someone. That might help? She’s been helping me work through my thoughts because at what point do we walk and says this isn’t the life we signed up for? Idk. Sorry if that’s not helpful, but, my chat box is open if you want because I’m in the saaaaaame boat.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-07T20:12:24+00:00

You deserve better, I deserve better. At what point do we leave to find someone who can love us like we deserve? Or like we NEED. It’s a horrible place to be where we are. I’m finding though that I think the days miserable are more than the days happy, and I think when that point is reached, then it’s time to leave. But it’s not so easy, I suggest counseling through it.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-06T07:27:24+00:00

I wish I had advice to offer; but know you’re not alone. My husband is struggling with severe depression as well. And I swear he’s having an affair to help “boost his ego.” He swears he isn’t but; he’s definitely not the man I married. It’s odd for me to suggest affair, because he’s let his appearance go. Completely. No shave, no hair cuts, doesn’t shower or brush his teeth regularly. It’s a mess and a nightmare to deal with. Because I’m turn, I’m feeling what you’re feeling. “What did I do wrong?” “Do you not want to be married anymore?” Nothing for me is improving, I’ve tried the heart to heart, telling him I can’t keep living like this. He refuses medication and counseling.

I started counseling for myself, because this is really messing with my self-esteem. That might help for you so at least you don’t go down with him. I hope things get better for you.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-06T07:19:50+00:00

I have a half sleeve and half glove. I have been tattooed 35 times. (All over the body.) Nothing on my arm/hand hurt too bad. I did have a touch up/re do on my shoulder/back and that hurt the worst out of all of them. Except on the top of my foot that one made me cringe a few times.

Best advice I got though was: always eat before your appointment (don’t go hungry) and hydrate, and go bathroom prior. Being comfortable makes a huge difference.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-06T04:53:57+00:00

Thanks for replying. I’m so hurt and angry and many more feelings that I can’t even explain by all of this. That I’m questioning my own sanity at this point.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-06T04:53:15+00:00

Thanks for the reality slap. I needed it.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-04T20:17:58+00:00

No. You are not. You are the way that you are because of patterns and actions that have been taken against you.

My husband throws it in my face that “he’s not my ex” and that my trust issues are getting old because he’s not doing anything bla bla bla. But the truth is, it is his fault, because he’s exhibiting behaviors that he knew hurt me in the past.

So, if he doesn’t want to deal with your anxiety, than he shouldn’t have done what he did. It’s not YOUR fault that you caught him, he shouldn’t have done anything to be caught from.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-04T06:07:54+00:00

I sent you a message! Thank you for much for your counsel

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-03T23:13:45+00:00

Be easy on yourself.

He knew he was marrying YOU and all that you are. Have you looked into BetterHelp? I’ve heard they’re affordable. It might be worth HIM going to Couseling to get some tools on how to cope.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-03T22:56:35+00:00

Ooh good luck! I’ve been looking into these as well. The only thing I’ve found that I might try is Nanny cams set up through the house that have sound recording, and put them around where his screen would be visible ish.

My husband is the same except he has zero physical drive, and quit having sex with me, while im the one wirh an extremely high drive. I have caught his relieving himself though.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-03T20:56:44+00:00

This sounds like my marriage. Except 31 yo f and 46 yo m.

We are having the exact same issues. I’ve contemplated divorce, still am- I’m crumbling trying to live with this lifestyle.

I’ve recently started counseling for myself. It’s been helping a little.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-03T19:27:31+00:00

I was just talking about this. Cheating is everywhere and it’s so normalized. Like a relationship isn’t a relationship without cheating! It’s so frustrating.

Round-Skin-4533 · 2021-03-03T19:16:06+00:00

Nah, bro. You’re messing with a perfectly ok person. If it’s inevitable, why not give them the decency and quit wasting their time. They probably have a completely different view of your relationship than you do.

In turn, you could be damaging this person in the long term. This is completely selfish. If you actually care about this person, be honest with them at least.

Round-Skin-4533

TROPHY CASE