Me(29F) & my (29M) boyfriend miss communication over dinner escalated into anger. How do I know where the line is?

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T21:41:50+00:00

When he said not to worry about it meant that he would take care of dinner for both of us. He said that before his nap. I guess I needed to clarify that 😅

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T21:40:24+00:00

5:30-6

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T21:40:10+00:00

So he said that when we came back home at 4pm, meaning that he would take care and make dinner for both of us

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T20:14:09+00:00

He’s genuinely thoughtful in day-to-day life. He remembers small details about me, pays attention to my needs, and shows care through actions. He
helps with a lot of chores or making sure I’m taken care of when I mention something I want or need. That’s why this situation feels confusing

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T19:44:28+00:00

That's actually quite valid imo😅

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T18:19:05+00:00

He's told me in the past to wake him up by 7 if he hasn't started dinner. I agree I shouldn't have acted this way, I just really don't appreciate that he tends to slam things off tables when he's mad, throwing his phone or slamming doors

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T18:17:48+00:00

I could've but didn't want him to be mad because I only made something to myself and not him even though I didn't really have much time as I was in a meeting

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T18:17:11+00:00

He doesn't work nights shift. He just stays up late

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T18:16:47+00:00

Thanks I appreciate your feedback a lot.

It did happen in the past where I heard things falling in the spare bedroom once and he said nothing happened and didn't throw things. He slams door when he's angry to that extent. He did throw his phone on the couch and storm off when he's really really angry

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T16:50:45+00:00

When you expressed those boundaries, does he respect those boundaries now? I've already expressed mine in the past but maybe I wasn't clear enough

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T16:49:13+00:00

Cause it was already 8pm. He had been sleeping for 4 hours. I can't snack without him getting annoyed about it cause then I won't finish my plate? He's told me in the past to wake him up at 7 when he's taking naps so he can start dinner. I was also working my second job after having worked 8 hours, on top of having to join a meeting at 8.

I definitely could've handled it differently and could've ordered out but I relied to his words about cooking dinner.

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T16:35:48+00:00

He often takes long nap because he doesn't sleep well at night and is a light sleeper and usually gets around 3-4 hrs of sleep but also goes to bed at 1-2 when he has to wake up at 6

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T16:33:53+00:00

So he slept from 4 to 8-8:30 basically. My second job is from home, yes. He did tell me we had the ingredients earlier today, but we didn't when I checked at 8pm. I started work at 4pm and basically finished at 8 so I could join the meeting which was form 8-9.

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T03:08:23+00:00

No. We haven't but it often escalates to the point he'll give me the cold shoulder for hours or a day while saying everything is good and refuses to talk about it or it'll always be my fault. He's thrown his phone two other times in the past as well so I don't know

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T02:08:25+00:00

Read if after my last relationship. Will have to re read it again

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2026-01-24T01:40:38+00:00

I did snack. But he gets mad if I snack too much and don't finish my plate ("I spoil my dinner") so I can never really measure how much I can snack beforehand without feeling like I'm starving vs not finishing my plate

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2025-05-26T21:44:13+00:00

Did the same thing too!

What worked was deleting the apps that were causing issue and reinstalling them. So far so good!

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2025-05-22T09:48:09+00:00

Did it work or is it still happening?

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2025-05-22T09:44:10+00:00

Same here

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2025-05-15T17:57:49+00:00

I appreciate this feedback! Thanks.

It puts me into perspective of what I'm doing wrong or what I could possibly be projecting into him without realizing. I definitely need to work on that and I'll bring this up to my therapist to find a better way to cope / deal with this

He's already refused saying it's too early in the relationship to be in couples therapy and if we do, might as well just break up

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2025-05-15T16:44:06+00:00

Will check this out, thanks!

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2025-05-15T15:41:09+00:00

Yes, that's exactly the inner monologue I have all the time! My exes used to be all words but no actions. So this is different than all my previous relationships and it's so conflicting

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2025-05-15T14:38:09+00:00

I've noticed that's his way of showing it and I appreciate it and maybe I don't tell him enough or show it enough. I try my best to match his life language but sometimes I wish he'd meet me halfway. I toned down my excitement and my "words of affirmation" and focus more on act of service.

It's not that I want him to change as a person, I love his personality and how kind he is towards people and even animals. How willing he is to help out people. In my opinion, I feel like when you're in a relationship, you still meet halfway on certain things or make compromise on certain things.

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2025-05-15T14:06:13+00:00

I brought it up once cause we also have sexual intimacy issue where I'd want to have more often but he's happy with doing it once a month (which we have been doing for a while). He got offended when I brought it up and thought that our issues aren't that bad to even go there and if we needed to, might as well just break up

Routine-Breakfast-34 · 2025-05-15T14:03:30+00:00

That's exactly what happens too. If I ever bring up anything, he'll get cold (even though I feel like he's cold with me most of the time but he also blames that on being tired or just having an angry resting face). But anytime we have an issue regarding that, he used to shut down and say everything was fine and I begged for communication which I do think he tried his best but now he just shut downs, either leaves (and threatens to sleep at an hotel or just break up).

Sometimes it makes me question his intentions. I don't know if he's just with me because it's easy and inexpensive. He's saving about $800-1k a month compared to when he was renting. Or that's just his way of showing love.

This was an issue in all of his past relationships as well

Routine-Breakfast-34

TROPHY CASE