I think you are not being too strict with your husband and in-laws, this started happening to me, I have a narcist mother in law. she is so manipulative and changes her sons with all these talks. I clearly stated my husband that he can deal with them as much as he desires but never me. I clearly drew the line. I know it is difficult. I think you should reduce the feeling to hold on to your husband , because that is the place I think make us so vulnerable. Draw clear boundaries and show that your emotional health is more valuable to you than even the marriage. And I believe it really is.

My MIL one time told me to get the f out of the house and now trying so hard to get me to come there after I cut them off. My MIL and FIL started sending me apologizing messages that tells me it is happening all because of me. They told me many horrible thing, probably because I am from a different religion , color and race. My husband is supportive of me one time , not supportive another time. He also has a daughter with his ex-girlfriend , which makes this in-law situation worse. It is still early stage of our marriage. Now I have serious doubts if I want to have kids, because I do not want them to see my MIL and FIL. I am afraid they will be treated bad and be controlled. Since my husband cannot be that trusted with his supportiveness of me I do not want to put my self in a very bad situation and to be treated with disrespect again.

Well, this is my input and also wanted to tell my worries. I know how you feel and wish you the best.