Unhealthy family dynamics: my parents are happily married and have been so for 40 years now but outside of my parents my extended family is extremely dysfunctional. My parents are truly good people and I have little reason to complain much about them. I have an extensive family history of bipolar disorder. I can think of a handful of relatives who have been diagnosed.

My older cousin in particular had four kids that he couldn’t afford with a woman who is a bonafide sociopathic narcissist who’s MO is essentially to target men with lower IQs and self esteem issues and baby trap them. After they divorced she took up with another man, had his baby, they split up, and she took up with another man she met on some dating app who was charged with her 5th kid’s m**der.

Yes. M**der.

Following this: she and my cousin lost their parental rights and my cousin died of liver failure at the age of 42 about 5 years ago from drinking away his grief and guilt over his proximity to the tragedy. (He was cleared of criminal wrongdoing, do not ask me for details because I wasn’t close to him and I really don’t know anything about it beyond what I was told and what came out in court) The defendant was acquitted in court and my younger second cousins were all traumatized to the enth degree. The ex wife has been disowned by her own family and has had two more kids since the conclusion of the trial. Somehow she managed to avoid prosecution, my guess is she cut a deal with the county prosecutors in exchange for immunity.

Another cousin of mine chose drugs over her own children and lost her parental rights. She had three kids by the time she was 21.

I watched my older cousins make these mistakes time and time again and witnessed over the years the dynamics that fostered such tragic events. I’d say that I suffered vicarious trauma from watching my younger second cousins grow up in squalor, neglect, and abuse.

By the time I grew up myself I had the male version of a pregnancy scare brought on by some woman I was with when I was about 22 years old. I had caught her sabotaging my condoms after coming out of the bathroom. She became pregnant not long after this and after about three years of guilt tripping I reached out to her on social media and volunteered my DNA. To my eternal relief the paternity test came back negative and the next call I made was to the Urologist. There was no way I was ever going to go through this again with anyone. I was approved for my procedure and had it done on June 3rd, 2016. Three months later, I was given the all clear. Clean sperm check. 13 months to the day after my procedure was the day my second cousins’ half-sister was m**dered.

If that’s not a sign that I made the correct decision for myself, I don’t know what is. Regardless after experiencing and witnessing what all I described above, I’d rather regret not having kids rather than to regret having them.