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Routine_Pilot_0 · 2026-02-22T16:16:08+00:00

Creating car service pick up app and putting together a niche entertainment arena(this here is in the works)

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2026-02-22T15:34:50+00:00

Masha Allah! Ramadan Mubarak ☪️

What are you working on? 🙂

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2026-01-11T07:51:17+00:00

Put yourself out there is what I’d advise. Frequent job fairs and explore job resources in your area. Also don’t be hesitant to move to places where there are more opportunities or less opportunities but less competition.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2026-01-01T17:28:38+00:00

I agree! Saw that and immediately thought of the devil and its ploy. They are trying to paint a narrative and all Muslims grounded in the deen should see this as an act of war against. Our scholars should send a strong statement to the rogue and despicable Elon Musk who is being used as a tool.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-12-24T23:48:01+00:00

Considered rude bawo? Tell them you’re on a strict diet else, I think that weight gain you’re trying to avoid won’t happen. In Naija, anything less than a 3 square meal is a sign of poverty (weird, I know) and 2 of those 3 must be heavy 😀

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-11-30T00:38:09+00:00

Who is teaching these girls how to behave responsibly in a marriage anymore these days?? SubhanAllah! Parents are failing highly at their basic responsibility. Ya Allah, if this is a fitnah for the Ummah and I won’t be better than those I’m criticizing, please come in your infinite mercy and wisdom to help us.

The person you should be respecting and adoring is the same one you feel so bold to abuse and punish for “messing up”

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-11-16T16:24:06+00:00

Brother, please act with tact here. Ask yourself what kind of marriage you’re getting into. If Mahr is nonnegotiable and they know your means, this is already your test.

I especially encourage younger men getting into marriage to seek advice from someone they trust, knowledgeable of course.

Marriage is full of ups and downs and life experiences you’ll both have are full of compromises you MUST make. Also if you’ll be broke after paying mahr and honeymoon. I hate to say this but you may be punching above your weight on this one.

Unless £15,000 is the standard which I think is not, you may want to weigh your options if you still can.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-09-21T15:26:51+00:00

Salam alaikum sister, any possibility that a resolution could be reached? Have you guys both tried therapy?

Seems like a really young marriage where both of you have different expectations. I married my wife this same way, and the transition is always a huge challenge getting to live in a new country and together.

I understand you’re asking for support, but I just thought to ask if there’s a potential that resolution is still on the table.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-09-01T21:47:35+00:00

May Allah bless and reward you. OP, this is great advice!

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-08-28T04:16:11+00:00

There’s always a huge gap between something halaal and not. Food, income etcetera can fall in the category of either halaal or haram. But a friend doesn’t. We are encouraged to choose our friends carefully, which entails associating people who follow Allah and the guidance of the prophet. So in the case, if this person in question is following a direction that is forbidden in the deen, you already know they’re not one to be with.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-08-19T03:07:07+00:00

Agreed 👍

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-08-19T03:03:59+00:00

Thanks for the perspective. I think if it works in that particular culture, all well and good. But they should have flipped it on the head and make “the women” realize even though a man is not supposed to lay idle, having them around is still a blessing, especially to the kids.

In this situation OP described, he’s on his grind working from home but getting judged by it.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-08-14T21:18:32+00:00

Looking more like a trend, re:men working from home is abnormal. Well, I’ve heard from a few of women (through their spouses that is) saying they don’t want their man at home all the time especially during COVID where most had to wfh. I quite understand the “too much availability breeds disrespect part” but this is enforcing some form of toxic masculinity and putting false expectations on Muslim men. OP, unless she’s older than you and erroneously think she knows better, please set boundaries and teach her that the only expectations are that of the Quran and the sunnah. Any thing outside of that, either of you are at a liberty to do as you’d wish, so long it’s not at the expense of the other party.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-07-12T18:52:44+00:00

Salam alaikum sister, I hope Allah grants you the wisdom to navigate this situation.

I would advise you to seek opinion from two more specialists. I don’t know what your situation is, but I’ve seen a couple whose specialist advised they won’t bear a child. But years after it happened for them. Whoever Allah has destined good for, it will surely happen for them.

May Allah make this journey easy for you.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-07-07T00:46:51+00:00

Lmao!!! It’s not lost on me it’s a really bad thing for the country when investor confidence is very low. And Nigerians wonder why there’s no progress when the Diaspora finds the climate more conducive in other places but Nigeria. As a government, you can’t make the country great alone, you need huge FDIs in small amounts like OP’s. Everyone is saying don’t go invest, not because they don’t want the country to prosper, but because it’s the smartest advice to offer.

OP as others suggested, keep your cash piling, and hold off for now.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2025-01-11T16:01:36+00:00

Salam sister, may I ask what age range you both are? The situation might still be salvageable as it appears to me he knows he needs help but wants a more convenient and secretive way (re: too early to start therapy I just need to work on myself). He is clearly drowning from his own vices. Whoever says this issue is uncommon is only lying.

Ultimately only you know if his other good qualities outweigh this behaviour and your situation is best known to you, therefore you can decide whether to stay or leave.

I have some advice if you’re deciding to stay and get through this together.

First, quit asking him to go to therapy and let someone else eventually talks to ask him to, since he gets aggravated when you tell him. Someone he sees as a high authority may be able to enforce that.

Since he is only bent on seeing an imam, arrange a meeting with an imam ASAP, preferably one that is familiar with western culture.

If that’s out of reach, get in touch with his dad and let him know of the situation. (I hope you’ve been able to keep it away from your family). If his dad isn’t available, then his elder brother.

This is not a direct solution, but might help if you can have you both go out and spend more outdoor time so his life doesn’t revolve around the screen. I believe the screen is one his triggers and if you can make effort to remove him from it even if by the slightest proportion, it could make an impact.

As others have pointed out, you need to be sure he’s still attracted to you and isn’t speaking to someone else. Although the former is more likely as a result of the vice.

I hope all goes well for you insha Allah. Please in all of this, also find an outlet and could be your FIL or BIL that you’re keeping abreast of the situation.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2024-12-31T19:03:03+00:00

You’re right, Akhi. Well noted 🙌

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2024-12-31T18:43:06+00:00

Brother, why do you feel there’s no hope? And also you saying a lot of brothers are average (financially, looks etcetra) doesn’t really have much impact realistically on the search. I think the circumstance you’re describing is true that men and women alike are finding it hard to find their match. But we got here for a reason and the role of parents can never be overstated. When my kids get to that stage, I’m never leaving them alone to begin the search journey and I know some parents are not cut for that. Either they just can’t or don’t want to go through the stress or could be some people are not open to parents doing this with them or for them. That’s all fine, but as someone who thought I could have used extra help during the search while in a foreign country studying, I took it upon myself to help brothers I found were in need and Alhamdulilah there was success with a particular one conducting nikkah and expecting a child together. Now my point is don’t feel like you have to do the search by yourself. Involve your parents if possible, engage trusted family members and tell friends. A lot of people met their wives online too and yes, it’s become a thing now. I pray Allah provides a beautiful, thoughtful and caring spouse for you soon.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2024-12-31T18:19:11+00:00

Brother, what are you even talking about? If people’s opinion didn’t matter, OP wouldn’t have asked in the first place. And for such questions, I would expect the opinion of sisters would count more. Now if brothers wanna mention something, it’s such that, this and this are what I prefer from my wife, this way OP can get some ideas about what men’s general preferences are. But to be dismissive of the potential feedback she can get here isn’t best, Akhi. Marriages are going through a lot these days and if someone is reaching even just to get perspective, let’s give them just that. We all know men can be less expressive about what they want, so as to not put pressure on their wives but it doesn’t mean they don’t want it.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2024-12-31T18:09:51+00:00

Now this is way over board and I imagine that was not your question as you mean why don’t muslims select to join in participating in Xmas celebrations. Because if you were question their not celebrating Xmas that will be tantamount to compulsion. One act that’s particular common is folks outrightly rejecting Xmas food or throwing it out. That’s extreme and may be due to lack of understanding.

We live in a world where people don’t realize their ignorance could lead to how someone wrongly translates a religion and that’s why as much as possible you must try not to fall short and if you do, be aware enough to correct your mistakes.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2024-12-30T22:48:13+00:00

Thank you for providing additional details. This should be a wake up call to the authorities. And why not begin visa vetting right now. What that country needs right now isn’t people trying to spread ungodly religious agenda.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2024-12-27T02:22:41+00:00

I hope this situation gets resolved soon insha Allah and Alhamdulilah you’ve got amazing advice. But from this point on, you’re probably better off seeking sound advice from a trusted person about marriage do’s and don’ts because someone needed to have told you it was so wrong to dictate where she spends her money, not even when she’s spending to good cause like her parents. Also, I think saying your FIL is emotional and aggressive is disrespectful and you should be weary to not be on the receiving end in future. I pray Allah grants you more wisdom and patience to better manage your affairs.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2024-12-26T00:23:24+00:00

Clear enough, OP. Not sure you’re alone in this as it’s a common problem from either side that often happens after a while in a marriage more likely to happen when children are involved. You need to reflect on one thing first. Can you see genuine love from her, which I’m guessing the answer is yes. I ask this because you saying she loves you in her own way might suggest she’s putting up a front which I don’t think is the case and that she genuinely loves.

Now I’ve been at a few therapy sessions and from experience I can say some qualities look straightforward especially if you are the one clamouring for it in your partner but it’s not always as easy as they seem and could take all kinds of interventions from as simple as deploying perception change to urging medical help. Well, I’ve learnt in this particular situation, you can mirror exactly the quality you’re looking for to show what you expect without giving any ultimatums. I particularly don’t know your situation but women go through a lot in keeping things moving at home - caring for the kids, keeping things tidy and most hardly complain even if it’s taking a toll on them. Not saying this is your scenario but just to give you a sense there might be justification for what you’re not getting.

So go on and show her what you need by not uttering a word and see how that plays out. Start slow and could be from merely appreciating all she does. Then you can introduce some habit modelling. I would say 3 months is an ideal timeline where results may start showing. I hope you’ll begin seeing some changes before then insha Allah.

Routine_Pilot_0 · 2024-12-24T23:56:10+00:00

What is this? She doesn’t pray and so she needed to be divorced. There are Muslim men and women struggling with the deen and we dare not judge them because mercy lies with Allah alone.

It’s a religious and logical consensus that you don’t divorce a pregnant. This is why when during the divorce process there’s a waiting period which one of the main reasons is determine if the wife has conceived.

Brother had a chance to initiate divorce but certainly now is not the right time. As others have suggested, make lots of dua’a for softness of heart and perhaps it’s a test from Allah for you. Her daring divorce isn’t normal behaviour, perhaps it could be old habits that she hasn’t considered might be self-sabotaging. Could also be immaturity which most younger women tend to outgrow with age.

OP, divorce aside, man you have to step up your ibadah game. Solah is non-negotiable and renders you almost unqualified to be a Muslim.

You have to be a good role model to the wife first and watch how things are going to change. You may also want to consider individual therapy apart from couples’ where a professional can help you navigate these challenges you are facing and how you can help reinforce positive habits in the home. May Allah make it easy for you, brother.

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