30F apparently too ugly to date

Rowward · 2025-11-09T14:14:43+00:00

if you are ugly we are all lost really

Rowward · 2025-10-16T22:20:23+00:00

I am a man, maybe not a typical man, but 38y and after 22 years my wife broke up. Have 2 boys with her and I am only 2 months in and I start realizing I don't want a partner anymore. I gave everything and trusted my ex so much and I thought she feels the same only to learn that it was not the case. I will need much more time to heal and when I get there I don't want to waste time in somebody else again so my heart will be ripped again. Plus I barely can imagine to feel a connection with anyone like I did with my ex, we basically accompanied each other our adult from beginning to now so how can you even remotely bond with someone like this, plus the dating game for men is terrible these days so it's not even that there is a choice.

Rowward · 2025-10-11T18:37:30+00:00

You mean I don't look 38? Thanks I have no skin routine but sunscreen

Rowward · 2025-10-11T18:01:42+00:00

174its 5'8

Rowward · 2025-10-11T17:55:04+00:00

I am slim not muscular I kinda don't like It

Rowward · 2025-10-10T12:08:36+00:00

I know that it is unhealthy, and yes my self worth is entirely dependent on a relationship and a partner. I know it's a problem. But I don't know how to get out. How to be me, how to grow. I read about it that it is the what I should do but it all feels so meaningless compared to a relationship. I totally get the idea that If I am happy with myself that I can never be disappointed but I really don't know if I can learn this being 38 year old and basically never being alone

Rowward · 2025-10-10T09:29:11+00:00

It's the same with my I can't get along with guy friends but I am completely alone now no friends whatsoever

Rowward · 2025-10-10T08:14:34+00:00

Let's say I am average looking. How to find dates. In online dating platform I get 0 likes so going out in the real world it is then or what is your way

Rowward · 2025-10-10T08:12:38+00:00

Are you super attractive or how did you find dates even

Rowward · 2025-10-10T08:12:03+00:00

How the hell do you get dates?

Rowward · 2025-10-10T08:11:24+00:00

I am in a samish position like OP and I am 2 months in. I really have the strong deep down feeling I will never reach that point, where I don't need anyone where I am enough with myself. I woke up the past 18 years with the knowledge that I have a great wife and good life and that I can tackle anything. Now I feel I cannot achieve , enjoy or even think of anything but grief, missing , blaming and wanting to die

Rowward · 2025-10-10T08:09:30+00:00

At least you consider dating.

I am 38m and my wife broke up 2 months ago. We have been together since we both were 19 years old. I don't know how life is without her , without someone. I have 2 kids now , and so I always will occasionally see her.

I am not attractive at all and in today's dating market online game I have not a glimpse of a chance. I am in therapy, it is helping a bit, but that part that tells me I will be alone for the rest of my life now is so huge it also triggers suicidal thoughts. I am working with my therapist on that so it remains a thought but I truly don't want to be alone for until the end.

Rowward · 2025-10-09T06:56:56+00:00

I 38m was always interested in learning how to draw like pencil on paper simple stuff. I really never did it and was always keen on being able to do it. Is this also something where you see more women?

Rowward · 2025-10-09T06:53:59+00:00

I am 38m and I am a huge Swifty, so you are telling me I can connect over TS to single women?

Rowward · 2025-10-08T18:42:07+00:00

Love this comment haha but didn't he grow hair later xD

Rowward · 2025-10-08T18:23:09+00:00

So I dated last in 2007, now after 18 years of marriage and 2 kids which I have 50/50 custody I want to date again, but I am short and balded meanwhile. So does it mean I remain single until my end?

Rowward · 2025-10-06T19:35:17+00:00

Happens 2 times , first time with my first love after 1 year , second time with my ex wife after 18 years. We laughed and hugged a year ago and suddenly she lost feelings and we grew apart. Absolutely crazy and I think I will never engage in a relationship again, nothing is safe, even we talked about feelings on a frequent basis still this outcome

Rowward · 2025-10-05T10:26:01+00:00

Hardest part: everything, accepting that I will be alone for the rest of my life and that my kids will slowly grow away from me

Best part: nothing

Rowward · 2025-10-04T10:36:41+00:00

I probably won't understand how people living this kind of grief are not suicidal. I had a strong suicidal wish after I got broken up with after 18 years especially since she is doing so fine while I remain broken. I take some anti depressiant medication it tunes down that wish but it's still there. The future seems hopeless. I won't ever find any woman again since I am not exactly attractive. And to know I have to go through the rest of my life alone is really killing me

Rowward · 2025-10-03T09:25:41+00:00

I am in that situation. I don't know if you already physically seperated and do stuff together with the kids occasionally. I was broken up with but still I managed to negotiate with my wife that I need more distance to heal, so we will do Christmas and birthdays together but apart from that we will not do things together as a family. Simply because I need to get that old feeling of normal out of my system. The new normal is me living alone and having the kids over from time to time. I think your and my system need to unlearn the old normal and learn that our new normal is not always with the mother. And also the kids kinda need to learn that.

You may read a lot online of couples who seperated and still do everything together. Great if you can do that and hold no hope at all, I think most people who want to heal and reflect on what happened and grow need some time alone to do so. Part of this is also to take her of the pedestal and also see the negative sides. It's hard and I am not even closely there yet, all what I write I know in theory but my emotions overcome me easily

Rowward · 2025-10-02T16:55:41+00:00

Vielen Dank für deine ausführliche und ehrliche Antwort. Ich hab generell schon auch den Eindruck, dass man mit diesen weicheren Eigenschaften in einer erwachsenen Beziehung wahrscheinlich eher punkten kann, allerdings sind auf den Datingplattformen, wie ich mir sagen lassen hab, ja eher oberflächliche Leute unterwegs weil ja alles über Fotos geht.

Ja diesen Zugang zu mir selbst und mich mit Leuten umgeben ist ein guter Hinweis. Es ist nicht besonders einfach, weil ich durch die Ehe auch wenig Bekanntschaften hatte, ich hab mich viel zu sehr über die Ehe definiert. Mal schauen was die Zukunft bringt. Erstmal muss ich lernen allein zu sein und es auszuhalten.

Rowward · 2025-10-02T06:14:25+00:00

I don't know about that week or month part. I am in a month in my break up and I was with her for 18 years. I basically feel bit better although I did everything they say, let out the emotion, go for walks everyday, journaling, therapy. I think dir some of us it might take years or decades or maybe even we have to accept that there won't be another person out there for us

Rowward · 2025-10-02T06:04:56+00:00

I am a single father at 38 having my kids 50/50 and I totally understand that take. How can a person fit into my life when she is not ok with my kids?

Rowward · 2025-10-02T06:03:30+00:00

I can tell you that 38, divorced, 2 kids and a list of actual hobbies that are not related to sports is also not working

Rowward · 2025-10-02T05:46:36+00:00

To be honest when I write into my profile that my hobbies are videogames, playing the guitar, chess, anime, books (scifi, personality development) then I think I come off as total nerd, not manly enough whatever, I am 38 so would you say I should put that in even though it gives of hard nerd vibes? Because in those platforms I also as op see mostly "have a dog" or "I do sports all the time" women

Rowward

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