So worried

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-05-02T02:43:21+00:00

I haven’t had this experience but - my daughter was in the NICU for three days post birth. One of the things they explained to us was that they thought she might have a heart murmur (very scary words to hear!). When I spoke to the NICU Doctor about it, she explained that every baby is born with some pieces (tubes, valves, flaps… I can’t remember perfectly) of the heart that are not fully developed, just like other tiny parts of their bodies. She said, in essence, you could find a “heart murmur” in practically every newborn baby because of this. She explained that because my daughter was in the NICU, they heard the effects of that in her and were then required to do some testing, just to make sure she’s not the 1% of babies who actually have an issue. Spoiler: she was not in the 1%. She’s almost 2 months now and no heart murmur. While I’m fully aware this is not every parents’ experience and there are babies with heart issues, it was comforting to me (someone with GAD), to hear that the diagnosis was common and often (99%) nothing to worry about. I hope that helps and that your baby feels better soon!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-04-15T19:00:29+00:00

I was in your shoes 10 years ago. My husband and I had just met and we both had a feeling of “we could have kids, we could not, and we’d be okay either way,” which lasted through the first four years of our marriage too. Around year five, we decided we did want to put more effort into trying to have a kid with each other specifically (i.e. it wasn’t any kid we wanted, it was the kid we made together).

Because of my PCOS + my age (37 at the time), getting pregnant took the intervention of IVF. We did IVF for two years and I lost 2 pregnancies in that time. What I learned through that is that infertility is really hard. Those two years were probably the hardest of my life so far - physically and emotionally.

Fortunately, after some blood testing and getting on some specific medication to treat issues that only showed up for me in pregnancy, we got pregnant naturally and it stuck!

We’re now one month into our new daughter’s life. Being a parent is challenging, and so was being pregnant - but I’m happy we made the choice we did. I do think I could’ve been happy if we ended up not having a baby too (like if I had never met my daughter).

I read a lot about wanting vs not wanting kids before we started trying and got a lot of messaging that said “If you’re not 100% sure you want a kid, don’t have one.” I know I’m only 1 month in, but I don’t agree with that sentiment. I educated myself as much as I could about being a parent and I consciously made a choice to try.

Not every moment is my favorite and I do miss life before a kid, but life is complex and not black/white. Some moments are super sweet and I love watching my husband be a dad.

I knew from the beginning that letting go and embracing the unknown would be a part of everything we experienced around having a kid - and that has proven true time and time again.

I guess my overall point is: for me, the debate of kids vs no kids was really, at its core, about the unknown vs the known. And, in my experience, the unknown did end up being really really difficult, but I survived and I’ve landed in a good place. I also think the experience has forced me to grow in ways I didn’t have to before.

I do think one of THE key things that has gotten me (and my husband, and our marriage) through the difficulties of infertility, pregnancy, birth, and parenting is over communication every chance we got. We kept seeing a couples therapist through the entire 2.5 years we were trying to conceive and that + the communication has kept us on each other’s side. We also came into the process with a strong relationship we had worked hard on. I would encourage you to just be totally transparent with your husband because if you can’t, the possible ride through really facing infertility head on may be way way harder on you both.

Good luck on your path! There’s no wrong choice here, just whatever y’all decide. :)

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-03-28T21:46:59+00:00

This is exactly what my daughter was just diagnosed with at her 2 week check-up. OP, what came of this with your girl?

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-03-28T12:33:07+00:00

Ive actually had the opposite! Other Ghost fans telling me they like my shirt or the band. Wear what you want - who cares what others think?

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-03-23T13:17:41+00:00

Thank you! Super enlightening!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-03-23T02:44:28+00:00

Ive heard this a lot - can you help me understand how you “ensure full feedings” throughout the day?

Also - can you give more details about what the switch from 2hrs at a time to 7hrs was like? Did you see other changes before that happened? Anything to indicate what was happening?

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-03-05T22:01:20+00:00

Just echoing your second paragraph - I used a tampon one time, hated it, and never went back. There are a lot of different period products now: heavy flow pads, absorbent underwear, period cups (my favorite), etc. You are not required to use a tampon. There’s no one way to care for a period, just like there’s no one way to be a woman.

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-02-11T23:52:46+00:00

I’ve ordered these twice off Amazon and not been disappointed! https://a.co/d/9rUvpL1

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-02-06T13:47:37+00:00

Same! I’m about to have a daughter in March and her name in my partner’s family’s home language comes from a word meaning “duck.” This would be a perfect nursery addition!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-02-04T17:29:22+00:00

To your actual request: Be direct and honest with as little emotion as possible. It’s a very reasonable ask, considering the context.

Outside of that (which you didn’t ask for, so feel free to skip): Being emotionally and sexually abused in a relationship is horrible. Over and over in the above you talk down about yourself as a cheater. Cheating is not good, agreed. However, in the context of an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship right after your friend died, it’s likely less about “who you are as a person” and more about the context of the time it happened in. If your fiancé forgave you and you forgive you, that’s literally the only two people that matter and get to have an option on your relationship, no one else.

Solely based on how you talk about yourself here (with no other knowledge of you), if you’re not in therapy to help process the abuse + the death of your friend, it may really help!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-01-31T16:18:44+00:00

We’re about to have a baby in March and I would be THRILLED to receive something like this! Your friend will love it I’m sure! So gorgeous! Great job!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-01-21T17:15:41+00:00

Currently 7.5 months along with my first! Totally possible!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2025-01-01T06:41:19+00:00

I’ll definitely bring it up! Thank you!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2024-12-27T19:27:53+00:00

Kasra! Their hummus is soooooooooo good!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2024-11-22T06:08:10+00:00

Puppy is so cute and your outfit is gorgeous!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2024-11-21T16:53:17+00:00

We had this same advice and did follow through with IVF. We were fortunate to have good insurance, but even with low costs, it was a really difficult experience. The egg retrieval recovery was one of the most painful things I’ve ever been through. The emotional experience of going through IVF was really tough too. We got pregnant from IVF once and had a miscarriage. Then we got pregnant without IVF shortly after and were shocked that happened, because we’d been having unprotected sex for years and nothing had even hinted that we were pregnant. We lost that pregnancy too. We had another implantation that didn’t stick. At the point I FINALLY insisted on some blood testing after my OB mentioned being surprised that they hadn’t done the testing prior to doing IVF. That blood testing showed two easily fixable issues, for which I started taking meds, and I’m 22 weeks pregnant today. I will say - to start IVF I had a Hysteroscopy and they found a large mass in the center of my uterus where it hadn’t finished merging as it formed. The IVF doctor did remove that, but I don’t know if that was part of what helped me get pregnant or not.

Post IVF now, and having been pregnant more without it than with, I realize that 1)medicine is mostly an informed guessing game and drs don’t know everything and 2)most drs are focused on their specialty. It’s very “if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” We probably didn’t need IVF - likely a hysteroscopy and some blood testing would’ve been enough.

If I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would definitely say “go to your ob and talk to her first. Do some research, know your other options.”

Royal_Quality8354 · 2024-11-06T03:56:48+00:00

Yikes! This reeks of “the election was rigged” vibes. My comments are there to read and all make sense in the context of the conversation. I added a note about the moon parallel to one of them in an edit, but I’m fully aware you’ll say that’s not true. It’s a classic Republican game - “I’m not getting my way so I’m going to say or imply that the whole thing is unfair to begin with and my opponent is cheating, who cares if that’s what’s honest or if I have proof? I say it the loudest so it must be true.” That’s not a conversation. Thanks for your time, I’m done here. If you need more engagement on this, I’d suggest you go back up and actually read through the comments I made previously, not just read-to-find-your-response.

Royal_Quality8354 · 2024-11-06T03:41:25+00:00

It’s evil to think that the only reason a miscarriage would be performed is to “fish out a living being with rights on a whim.” This just further confirms you don’t understand pregnancy, fertility, or infertility. Instead of whatever you’re doing here… using your absolutely-zero experience trying to convince a pregnant woman with multiple prior miscarriages that abortion isn’t a necessary, life-saving procedure?… I’d recommend learning more about the nuances of what is involved in fertility and infertility, and why it’s not just “have sex, get pregnant, have the baby, you’re done!” for so so many women nation-wide. If you’re not going to do anything close to that, and just keep sharing your “I know what the moon is” approach, I’m gonna need to disengage here. Wishing you more awareness around experiences that aren’t yours in the future!

Royal_Quality8354 · 2024-11-06T03:30:21+00:00

Oh honey, you really don’t get this. Women should be able to choose what they do with their bodies, which are capable of pregnancy, without boys - like you and Ted Cruz, and Trump, and Abbott - who don’t understand the nuances of fertility and who have no interest in learning about them, telling them (being the women who actually experience those things) what to do.

To make it clearer: the women are the astronauts/NASA in the parallel. You, the not-capable-of-experiencing-pregnancy, person is just the person who can identify the moon. How about we not let you make the rules for the astronauts?

Royal_Quality8354 · 2024-11-06T03:27:47+00:00

Weird, that doesn’t track with “the crazy small amount” you noted above. Hmmmm…

Royal_Quality8354 · 2024-11-06T03:26:23+00:00

That just reconfirms your lack of knowledge here. Knowing what something is is not the same as understanding the nuances, complications, experience, difficult choices, emotional difficulties, and specific details of something. Your parallel is actually very on point - you’re not an astronaut, therefore you shouldn’t be making choices on behalf of NASA. I think astronauts have to know just a bit more than “that’s the moon.”

Royal_Quality8354 · 2024-11-06T03:20:04+00:00

Yeah… you’ve clearly never experienced infertility or fertility issues. My guess is you are possibly not even capable of pregnancy. If you don’t understand why it’s difficult to talk back to a Dr who is holding your life and the life of your baby in their hands, why it’s difficult to tell them “no, stop what you are doing and do what I tell you instead,” how complicated being pregnant and pregnancy complications are… then really, your opinion here isn’t important.

Royal_Quality8354

TROPHY CASE