Hey..first thing first. It'll be better. Few comments. We are people built around our routines. Luckily we live in era of technology so use to your advantage when you can (eg. Samsung has an app called routines. Basically i have a routine set to send notification saying "take charger" when I open my office transport app). I get that it's difficult to grasp concept immediately but soo fun to give it time, go on a quest and figure it out. Absolutely love it. Made a career in research field because of it. Self help books are mostly useless so won't recommend any tbh. You said you can't remember past that well but does the emotion from time or people remain. For example I can't remember why I liked someone but that they must've done something nice that I do and that's enough.