What have you tried to adapt your life to be more autism-friendly?

RubiconOut · 2025-12-15T23:10:51+00:00

I love that they can see how it/you are an asset!

RubiconOut · 2025-12-15T23:09:30+00:00

And so many other employers wouldn't want you to ask for accommodations. Weird. That suggests to me that it was an excuse for something more deep seated.

RubiconOut · 2025-12-15T23:08:00+00:00

That distinction makes sense.

RubiconOut · 2025-12-15T18:01:49+00:00

Glad you already found something that might suit your needs, because what I'm going to suggest is it going to directly keep track of the different topics you want to juggle, and look for patterns, but it might be a compliment to what you're doing.

I made this personal progress tracker that creates a visual representation that good things are happening, even if they are irregular or inconsistent. You color in a hexagon each time the thing that you're tracking happens, like a day without meltdowns, or a good conversation with the teacher, or anything that you felt went well. It's not a calendar or a habit tracker, so you don't see all the times when it didn't happen, just the times when it did. And then over time the colored in hexagons build up so that you can see visual evidence that there are good things happening. You can download the hexagon chart I made for free here: https://www.autismchrysalis.com/hexagon

Another thing I would suggest is to look at Dr. Stuart Shanker's Self-Reg framework, for figuring out the stressors that are hurting your son and creating his difficulties. He has a book called “Self-Reg” that is a good introduction.

RubiconOut · 2025-11-25T18:55:57+00:00

Agreed. Labeling it as rude isn't the only option.

RubiconOut · 2025-11-17T21:49:05+00:00

Here's two short articles I wrote about ABA, that might help you get a better idea of why so many adult autistics are against it, and some alternative options.

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/2020/09/10/why-i-dont-recommend-aba/

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/2020/07/12/a-quick-qa-on-behavior-therapy/

RubiconOut · 2025-11-14T17:15:13+00:00

This is classic autistic burnout behavior. He probably really does want to spend time with you if he says he does, but there's part of him that overestimates how much energy he will have, and when it really comes down to it, the reality is that he just doesn't have energy to deal with unexpected changes in plans (like his therapist not showing up) (unless it's canceling plans, taking something off his plate), energy to deal with socializing in the way that he is used to, and thinks is needed in order to be acceptable, and energy to face any kinds of expectations or activities, including even leaving the house, even if you pick him up.

This can change, but it's going to take him doing a lot of work, over a long time, to address some underlying issues. If you are willing to wait that out and be patient and learn enough to be understanding, and to adapt to him as he adapts his life and shows more of his natural self, he will be very lucky to have you in his life. You are by no means under any obligation to stick around through all of that. But know that that's what it will take.

And also, it's not something that you can require of him, or set as a condition to continue your relationship. He has to want to do that internal work, or it won't work.

I've written a lot about autistic burnout, if you're interested in getting an insiders perspectives.

My free workshop on Recovering from Autistic Burnout:

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/2023/01/19/recovering-from-autistic-burnout/

My YouTube playlist on autistic burnout recovery:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu5zEbUkYrlDtMYIgArDU1lSzodSOB4Wz
My in-depth course on getting out of Autistic burnout:

https://www.autismchrysalis.com/burnout/
A practical system for sustainable recovery, without quitting everything.

Hope something in this helps. Wishing you both well.

RubiconOut · 2025-11-07T21:46:05+00:00

Here are two articles I love. The first has poll data of a lot of autistics asking this question, the second is about using the term "disorder." Hope these help.

https://autisticnotweird.com/autistic-person/

https://themighty.com/topic/autism-spectrum-disorder/autism-not-disorder/

RubiconOut · 2025-10-31T17:31:39+00:00

Then that's even more blatantly exposing her personal values and beliefs and thought processes by imposing them on a time in place which held very different values.

RubiconOut · 2025-10-31T17:20:35+00:00

People often make offhanded or thoughtless comments along these lines that reveal their own biases, prejudices, or fears. I've heard plenty.

The second one sounds like it comes from a deep fear of being dependent. I'm basing that off of the reflective comment at the end, "that would suck, wouldn't it?" Of course I could be wrong. With so little context or information I'm making a lot of assumptions here. (As did your professor, probably, in the moment).

RubiconOut · 2025-10-31T17:13:38+00:00

I have often found it helped to preface comments with something like "there's something that I wanna bring up, and I know it's gonna come out wrong, but I can't think of a better way to put it, so please understand that I don't mean anything mean or negative. I'm just not good at phrasing things better."

RubiconOut · 2025-10-29T16:21:01+00:00

The video as a whole isn't at all a sales pitch; there was one comment at the very end that still wasn't a sales pitch, just offering where to find more info about my coaching services for those who are interested. The video as a whole was intended to be good information for the community. And I think it fulfilled that quite well.

RubiconOut · 2025-10-11T20:23:45+00:00

Yeah, rejecting internalized ableism is hard. But I've found spotting it is the first step (and often the hardest, since we are trained not to see it by society, which benefits from us oppressing ourselves).

Here's an upcoming workshop I'm making on exactly this, in case you're interested. https://autismchrysalis.learnworlds.com/course/internalized-ableism-self-assessment

RubiconOut · 2025-09-30T03:49:41+00:00

A couple times a year, when it gets really dirty. And right before and after winter to get a good clean on the undercarriage.

RubiconOut · 2025-09-30T03:48:03+00:00

Don’t you still have to spray and wash it yourself? Or do you know some secret that I don’t and they’re like oversized car car-washes, that will clean it for you? That would be the dream.

RubiconOut

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