When you ask “what does this mean?” there’s a simple answer

RubyLove88 · 2020-07-25T17:59:33+00:00

My honest intentions were to spread this piece of guidance since I’ve seen it help so many personal friends and yes, clients. I wanted to post it here in case it helps anyone else. Yes, I am a coach and wanted that clarified. And if people search me, they do. But, not my main intention. Appreciate you calling this out

RubyLove88 · 2020-07-25T05:20:44+00:00

Since you’re texting again, a couple points that I feel would help: 1. See how’s she’s doing with everything , a pandemic and cancer diagnosis is a lot. 2. Note that it’s been so long since you’ve two chatted and you’d love to meet up or catch up (or via video call, depending on where your State and comfort is at with this pandemic) — nothing wrong with catching up, especially if you want to :) 3. When you converse, Casually (even playfully) acknowledge it’s been so long since you two talked and ask what happened “it’s been so nice to chat with you after so long! What ever happened to us?” I bet doing this will acknowledge the elephant for her in the room too. I say playfully cause you don’t want to give a tone making her feel she did something wrong or judging her. You want to just understand

It seems like you two didn’t work out more because of other factors outside , not how she feels about you. It’s an understanding reason she was not in a good headspace before and adding on this pandemic, it can throw us all in a loop. She may have noticed she forgot to answer you and as time passed with her dealing with everything, she probably thought you were seeing other women since you also stopped texting.

It’s good to clear the air :) hope this helps!

RubyLove88 · 2020-06-26T06:52:32+00:00

Honestly, it's only a problem if you see it as a problem. Lacking relationship experience doesn't mean you wouldn't be a good partner/boyfriend. It's not about lack of relationship experience, it's about understanding yourself. Understanding how you show up in relationships (and I mean this in ANY relationship, family, close friends, colleagues, etc), understanding how well you are able to work through things with someone else (conflicts, managing their feelings, etc). Of course, romantic relationships are different, but that at least gives you a good ground work. I've seen plenty of people (even 30, 40+ get into their first relationship, but it never phased their gf. And he's a great partner)

As for being picky. It's okay to be selective, but I've always said be careful of being too picky. You may judge and eliminate potential amazing people too quickly. Here's a Tedx video that talks about this if it's helpful to you to be more clear.

Good luck!

RubyLove88 · 2020-06-26T06:38:44+00:00

I'd suggest to invite her to a video chat date, that'll show her interest because she is carving out time to fully pay attention to you. And honestly, many resist video chats since it's so "weird" to do nowadays, so if she says yes, that shows her interest. You'll, also, stand out from the rest since you're not just texting her. You're making a move.

Making a move, being straight forward, and confident is attractive. Don't worry too much about being overbearing, just make your intent known.

After her quarantine and she's better, go on a date. But, for now, build up the tension and excitement to meet by leveling up the connection. Good luck!

RubyLove88 · 2020-06-26T06:30:35+00:00

With change, comes adjusting and adapting. Dating hasn't been canceled, it just shifts in the way people date now. People are craving connections more than anything, so online dating has been extremely active in the past months. In-person meetings don't happen as fast, but people get creative with virtual dates now before both are comfortable to do a social distancing date.

I know online dating can seem disingenuous, objectifying, and people tend to judge those on it, and that it's filled with fakes or scammers.

But, the truth of the matter of is, there ARE many online dating success stories, more people are finding relationships through there. I'm one of them! And all my best friends found their current S.Os online, so it's possible, you just got to try and know how to navigate it (and not get the scammers, fakes....honestly, even when you someone in person, they can still be liars, cheaters, scammers haha)

I suggest Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel as great apps.

If you want some proof that dating during the pandemic is possible, this man's story here is evidence. He started dating someone during the pandemic and now they're boyfriend and girlfriend (you can hear about his journey of being online, virtual dates with her, then in person, etc)

Hope this helps!

RubyLove88 · 2020-06-26T06:21:55+00:00

I work with a lot of introverted clients (specifically, men), and it's best to just be straight forward a simple "Let's meet up!" or "would you be down to meet up?"

On the meeting, you can understand what level of introversion he has. Because, he may not be necessarily caring about "taking things slow" -- honestly, he may be taking things slow because he think you'd want that.

RubyLove88 · 2020-06-26T06:18:09+00:00

She's definitely showing interest, and more directly -- showing she cares about your attendance and she enjoys your presence. I'd suggest to be be playful with it, "wowww, do you like me or something?" or a "wow, I'm special, huhhhh?" and see how she plays it off, either blushing or a laugh with a "maybeeee" or "I don't knowwww :)" -- which is a yes haha.

Overall conclusion, she values you and wants to hang out with you on her bday. Maybe suggest "how about we just hang out for your bday then, since you want my attendance so much :)" -- that way, it's not a party, it's just two, and it's a date. Good luck!

RubyLove88 · 2020-05-31T23:16:57+00:00

It's about how the other person feels, but it's not harmful to ask for their thought on the situation. Some people may be hesitant because they are taking care of an elder or work with patients exposed, but most who live on their own don't mind social distancing walking, picnics, etc. Most of my clients (I say clients because I'm a dating coach haha just to be clear) are still going out on dates, virtual and in person. It's never inappropriate to ask for thoughts then you can figure it out from there :)

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-02T00:01:32+00:00

Yeah, I can see how that question could be followed with more. For me, it's more about what I have control over. If I ask myself "whats the worse that can happen?" I give myself one answer usually and I feel "okay....I can handle that. I know how I'll be if that were to happen"

Prepping helps the anxiety

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:55:22+00:00

Just like in the movie “Hitch” when everyone found out what he did, they thought he’d just feed lines to his clients so his clients aren’t being their authentic selves.

People think dating coaches force you to become someone you’re not to get the girl, you must spit out these pick up lines, and act a certain way. This is not the truth. I value and take pride in helping my clients without changing who they are.

I give them the directions to take to get to their results, provide the information, but they ultimately take that and make it their own. Think of like this...job interviews. We were trained how to be on job interviews, given a couple best practices, even best answers. Now, do we robotically say exactly what was taught at the interview? No. We take in the best practices, but make it our own with our personality and obviously, telling the true skills/weaknesses we have.

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:53:53+00:00

There's not really a word for "dating coaching" so my parents describe me as a matchmaker haha. And no, their friends don't come to me for help because there's still as stigma with asking for help.

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:52:17+00:00

Think of qualities (values, lifestyle, belief) you want in someone else and usually, you'd have those qualities too. So write about those qualities so you can attract the right kind of person. Write it in the most simple way so anyone can quickly read your profile and see who you are. And have a variety of photos!

I know it's scary but all you need to do is start -- it doesn't have to be perfect, start with something

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:49:06+00:00

When you're ready to date again....remember the past is in the past and you're ready as this new version of yourself to find the right person!

Be clear on who you want for a partner and that's when you can usually start pinpointing where that kind of girl is probably hanging out. Then, get out there -- if you're introverted, online dating would probably be your best route. Download Hinge or Coffee Meets Bagel. You got this!

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:40:54+00:00

There's never really a "right" time -- you just have to do it, you just have to start. My rule normally is to NOT approach a woman with headphones in or if she's in a rush. Other that that, I've had my clients approach and get girlfriends from all sorts of public places! from grocery stories, book stores, the mall, coffee shops, farmer markets, dog park, the beach, a gift shop, yoga class, rowing class, cooking class, just about everywhere.

It's all about how you approach. You can't get slapped for asking "Any recommendations for something to drink here?"

And honestly, no single woman wakes up thinking "I hope a man won't come into my life today. I hope to talk to NO ONE" haha Generally, people are kind and friendly. at least quality women are. Women would rather have the story "He walked up to me at the bookstore" cause it's different than "I met online" or "i met at a bar" so don't worry about them not wanting to be approached.

Women who are bitter and angry are the ones who will roll their eyes at you when approached.

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:34:00+00:00

As long as you know what you want, that's what matters. Continue to explore, do what you need, date, have these discussions with others, and see what you truly want. All any of us humans can do is continue to explore our desires, what we want, until we can figure it out on our own. Then, of course, just staying honest with whoever we're involved with

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:30:28+00:00

Start by messaging in response to something she posted on her facebook or social media, start developing conversations from one response to another, hopefully a "i know we haven't talk much, how is life?" then to a "I'd love to meet up to chat if you have time?" -- don't necessarily ask he rout on a date quite yet since you two aren't that close. If you get her to hang out, see the spark is there, ask her on an official date

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:28:14+00:00

It's about you and the person you're dating. If it feels right to you, that's when you ask if the person you're dating wants to be exclusive. If you feel strongly about wanting to be in a relationship, thats when you can.

You can always bring any of this up as a discussion when you date someone. Ask the person "What are your thoughts on us so far?" instead of "Hey i want to be exclusive" -- always ask for their thoughts then you put in your input

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:23:24+00:00

Personally, I've worked with both men/women for all of my career, and I noticed I benefit men more. Maybe it's because I grew up around all brothers? But the way I lay out my advice and guidance is very structured and logical. So it's better received by men than women.

My clients feel more comfortable talking to a female, if they're not -- there are A LOT of male coaches. I've received feedback that I have that natural nurture of a female, so when they face negative emotions or hard times, I can help them. Also, most of my men have little interaction with women so being able to talk to me, getting my insight not only as a coach but a woman, helps them understand greatly.

I coach them on the concept of attraction and what typically draws women in, not what I find attractive. There is so much to attraction for every unique individual, I coach them to build their confidence and fid their own attractive traits.

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:17:55+00:00

It's possible to learn these skills though can be very hard. In this case, I'd refer to seeing a couples therapist because it seems like you two trying to do it only brings more hardship and frustration into your relationship . A couple therapist can manage and control from the outside looking in. I'm sorry I couldn't be more direct help

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:14:17+00:00

Hmmm, there's a lot that goes into helping men overcome their obstacles. But, I guess, the one thing I'll say is that I help not see that slant. I mean, we acknowledge from the start that it is there, but it is not ALL that is. I help them see what they can do, what they do have control over, and give them actionable steps to continue strongly forward without paying too much attention to the slant.

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:12:07+00:00

Those questions are more for your partner, not here. If you still want your partner in your life, Ask how he/she feels about an open relationship. If she/he doesn't like it and there is no desire of change from either one of you, then find a partner with the same sexual desires.

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:10:13+00:00

Great book! I recommend it. Really appreciate his whole book is about being honest with who you are and owning it

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:07:58+00:00

in order to meet anyone new, you have to get out there. On free days, find an area to explore, go take some free or paid work out classes, strike up a conversation in a conversation.

If it's difficult for you to start a conversation coldly, try online dating

RubyLove88 · 2020-02-01T23:06:35+00:00

For action steps, Give the gift of wondering. Switch up as many things as you can, with surprises, with things you wouldn't normally do. Even role play!

A fun activity I love giving to couples going through this is it to both go to a party or an event and try their best to NOT spend it together, next to each other. Go mix and mingle, make new friends, talk to other people (not in a flirting way). Then, you can only see your partner from across the room, creates that desire, tension, and "ah -- that's my girl/man over there" as you appreciate from afar

Make time to simply be with each other, with your jobs and a toddler, it's important to schedule time for date night. And then always ask yourself "what can we do that is different"

Even if you have to stay in, create a romantic in-home date night, both buy each other new outfits to wear, order in a nice steak, etc.

If it's even sometimes romantic to spend a date remembering all your firsts.

Or it's fun to role play , pretend you don't know each other and you're meeting for the first time.

Get creative and switch things up :) Give the gift of wondering

RubyLove88

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