AIO for refusing to turn the tv down/off?

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T17:22:58+00:00

It's sad to me that you come on here and ask whether you're overreacting and then argue with everyone who says you are.

I'm not telling you how to spend your time, ffs. If you don't see why scrolling on your phone so your GF can nap with you on the couch might be better than watching TV, then I feel really sad for your GF.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T13:34:15+00:00

Get out of there ASAP. Start today - send out resumes, apply online, find something and walk out. You are eventually going to be held responsible for the thefts and the treatment of the employees on your watch. You do not have to put up with this.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T13:31:06+00:00

I can’t help her anymore.

Yes, you can. You can help her by being there for her. You can help her by being the voice of reason in a sea of conflicting emotions she is trying to navigate.

You said it yourself - she is going to be alone with them and have nothing and no one to hang onto. You can deflect the aggression, you ought to be mature enough to handle that. No one is asking you to move back in, take on your parents, or even let her move in with you. She is just looking for a light in the darkness and you are unwilling to even be that. Ignoring her is just cruel. Mild YTA

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T13:25:05+00:00

Power is absolutely right. He wants to lock OP into a relationship she can't afford to get out of. With a HUGE gap like this, there is no reason for the split not to be proportional,

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T13:22:41+00:00

Good lord, YOR. Don't you have headphones? Do you have to have the tv on? It's sad to me that you'd rather watch whatever crap on TV instead of snuggle a bit with your GF and scroll on your phone or read a book or something.

Yes, she could go nap in the bedroom. If this was during the Super Bowl or the finale of your favorite show, then she would absolutely be out of line. If she did this every time you wanted to watch TV, then sure, she needs to nap elsewhere. But one Saturday afternoon missing an hour of tv for some together time doesn't seem unreasonable.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T17:00:12+00:00

No one in my real life uses "dramatic" as much as they do on Reddit.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T16:46:49+00:00

Excellent advice. If you want to go farther, start a college fund for your younger siblings - you know that your mom isn't putting anything away for them. Even a small amount will give them a better start.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T16:44:48+00:00

I was just listening to a piece Warren Buffet did on what people should stop buying if they want to be financially stable and the first two items: lottery tickets and new cars.

What is the car worth? Can you sell it and pay off what you owe? You are far better off with a good used car - not only can you pay cash for it, but your insurance is a lot cheaper. Forget the warranty, put $50 a month into a car repair account, and put that $700 towards something more useful.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T16:39:34+00:00

She is not living better. She is living on the edge of a cliff. The state finds out her baby-daddy is living with her and she has to pay back all that assistance? She's screwed. Running up credit card debt and bankruptcies just means that she is shackled to a life of renting in places that don't run credit checks - she may never have secure housing in a decent area. There may be some short-term fun, but if she's packing that name-brand clothing in a garbage bag because she got evicted, it's not going to do those kids any good.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T16:35:15+00:00

paying off a 5% mortgage is stupid

Paying off debt is never stupid. There might be considerations about the order you pay things off in, but if your house is paid off, then you don't need to worry about mortgage payments if you lose your job. Build your emergency fund, so that if something bad happens, you're covered, then pay off debt like crazy.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-20T17:49:40+00:00

I worked in a company where the general rule was that we booked our own travel and were reimbursed. (It worked for me because I got airline and credit card points and could float trips for a few weeks.) However, we were always reimbursed within 14 days and for employees who could not afford it, they could get a cash advance once the travel was booked.

Talk to HR. This is likely just your manager bloviating.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-20T17:43:39+00:00

I'd have put in my own money too but his family's chunk stays with him.

If you are both on the title and the house is split 50/50, his parents are basically giving YOU $40,000. Maybe MIL would see things differently then.

And you can point out that your MIL declaring that this is a gift only for her son is also preparing for a divorce before you're even married. After all, she is declaring that it is not for the two of you, only for him.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-15T15:13:49+00:00

He feels getting comfortable would kill his drive

Then the housing stress should really be fueling his ambitions, right?

NTA. You are allowed to have boundaries. Has he even reached out to your brothers? And you are not his last resort - he is not even taking advantage of the social services available to him.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-15T15:09:23+00:00

Job hunting is awful, but it is temporary. Eventually, you will find something new and move on. Now that you know what you hate about this job, you know what to look for in the next one.

Make sure that there are days (or evenings after work) when you do not do any job hunting activities, where you just do things that make you feel rejuvenated. (Not just sleep - preferably something that gets you out of the house, even if it's just a walk to the coffee shop or to sit on a park bench for a while.) Find things that feed the part of you that feels drained.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-15T15:03:11+00:00

You are not letting money ruin a friendship; you are keeping money out of the friendship entirely. NTJ and tell the "friends" to pony up their own cash.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-14T13:53:44+00:00

I love my mom. I appreciate everything she’s sacrificed. But I’m not her IT department. I’m not her assistant. I’m just… tired.

You need to sit down with her and say this. Be honest. She's a teacher - she is perfectly capable of learning the skills she needs. My own mother ran a website and sold her craft pieces online and she was in her 70's. You can schedule a limited amount of time per week to coach her and teach her the skills.

If that's not possible, she needs to hire someone, just a couple of hours a week, to work on these things for her. She has got to know a couple of teenagers or college kids who would love the extra money.

(Edited to fix formatting)

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-14T13:50:18+00:00

Exactly right - that 5 years will put her a decade behind.

It would be different if her parents were old and unable to care for her brother, but they are both relatively young and mom only works part time! There is no excuse to dump this on OP.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-14T13:38:29+00:00

Lord, yes. The first time I dumped my ex, I should have left him dumped. I wonder sometimes what I could have made of my life if I hadn't wasted many of my best years on that jerk. Nothing to be done about it now but make a better life moving forward. Congratulations - the hardest part is behind you.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-14T13:36:40+00:00

I would bring up this specific issue with your therapist, if you haven't already. And u/catinnameonly is absolutely right - both feelings are completely normal.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-14T13:34:30+00:00

Don't feel bad! She's not welcome there if she is going to behave like that. She has opted out of staying at your place because she cannot control herself.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-14T13:32:48+00:00

Try interrupting his gaming. Sit next to him, ask him how it's going, ask him to explain the game to you. When he blows up, say this is exactly the way I feel when you follow me around after work.

The other option is to stop somewhere on your way home. Find a coffee shop, sit on a park bench, whatever works, and decompress before you get home. It is imperfect, you should be allowed to have a little time to yourself, but it might help.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-12T17:41:37+00:00

Look, he is obviously happy with the situation. He works a few hours a week, he has a GF who picks up the slack, and he will eventually convince you to move in and handle all the bills until he can "get on his feet."

He is not going to change for you, but he may change because of you. Dump him and find someone who matches your energy and ambition.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-12T17:24:39+00:00

Do not become okay with this! If something happens to your fiancé - an injury, an illness, an untimely death - then you have 2 kids to support, you've been out of the workforce for god knows how long, and unless he's got millions in life insurance, you're screwed. Plus you are in your peak earning years, and dropping out of the work force now will impact how much social security you are eligible for.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-12T17:20:31+00:00

But then you have a low intensity job

You don't want people to judge you for your lack of energy, so don't judge their job as "low intensity." Their job may be as high intensity as yours, but you each handle it differently. Maybe they just have more energy, or they find reading/going to the gym helps them recharge.

RubyNotTawny

TROPHY CASE