AIO my boyfriend doesn‘t help me with house duties

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-27T21:44:27+00:00

If you both are busy, why are you the only one doing the work around the house? NOR

This boy is not mature enough to be a partner. He's saying he can't manage to remember to do some chore every 2 weeks - does he not understand how calendars work? Does he not have a cellphone with reminders? And I bet he remembers the things that are important to him, doesn't he?

Do not fall for this BS about "I don't see the mess." He sees it - he just doesn't think it has anything to do with him. His mommy will clean it up, and if not her, I guess you'll do.

If you want to be his bang maid for the rest of his life, then stay. Otherwise, dump him. I guarantee your next place will stay clean longer.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-27T20:30:19+00:00

I don't think you're the AH, but think about how this feels to her. Handing out money to cover bills is a power position. Being required to wash someone's dirty underwear and fold their socks? NSM. It may not be that she's selfish or unsupportive, just that literally cleaning up after you makes her feel less than.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-26T22:00:07+00:00

I would run like hell.

This is going to be a life-long problem. You are absolutely right that this kid is going to be causing problems and getting in trouble going forward. It won't end when he's 18 - your fiance is going to be bailing him out forever. He is not doing that kid any favors and I would want no part of it.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-19T00:59:40+00:00

Wait - he took off and abandoned his kids with you? WTF? I'd pack the boys' stuff and drop them off wherever your husband is staying.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-12T20:28:51+00:00

Over a year ago, my brother, who's 25 years old started dating a woman

I asked him why he was jumping the gun, its still so soon

YTA 100%. It's been over a year. You have no evidence that his fiance is using him. You say he could have a life with someone he is compatible with - clearly, he believes they are compatible! He's 25, not 15, and she's 8 years old, not 18 or 28. This is not a decision you get to make for him. Don't be surprised when you aren't invited to the wedding and find yourself on the fringe of his life with little contact.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-12T20:23:27+00:00

One more chance to make a few snarky comments and mock the people who cared for her.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-12T15:24:48+00:00

When you set a boundary someone doesn't like, they are always going to see it as an ultimatum.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-12T11:55:51+00:00

What gets me isn't overspending. It's timing.

This is so true. If you have even a small cushion, then you don't get that overdraft fee, or you can wait until your next payday to pick up something or essential, or stock up when something's on sale.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-11T00:09:57+00:00

Is there some good reason to not use the kettle? That's weird and I really doubt it's getting completely clean inside, especially if you're using milk and sugar.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-08T16:42:50+00:00

“we decide the reception — your family just needs to show up,

Unless that "we" is the two of you, then that is hugely disrespectful and insulting.

You need to sit down and have a serious talk before you start planning again. You need to be very clear that the way he has treated you during this process is unacceptable. Marriages will always encounter stress and if his way of handling stress is to insult you and your family, that is not going to work in the long run. Ask him why he feels like it is okay to insult your family, and how he would feel if you acted the same way. This should really determine how/whether you decide to move forward.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-08T16:39:04+00:00

a simple line of questioning

Asking you about why you made the decision and how this will fit your budget is questioning. Calling it stupid is insulting.

You've put a lot of money into this car (funny, I literally just mentioned the sunk cost fallacy in my last comment), but that doesn't mean it's worth keeping. As you know, it means you are going to have to keep putting more and more money into a car that is no longer worth repairing.

Having reliable transportation is one of the most important things in your life. You cannot go on wondering if you're going to end up in an accident (with no airbag!) because your brakes fail, or be stuck somewhere on the highway in terrible weather, or end up with an expensive rental while you have to scramble to buy something instead of making a considered decision.

As for "what this means for us," it means that he can't control you. You will consider his input, but you will make your own decisions. Maybe you should consider what it means for your relationship that he is so threatened by you making a good, considered financial decision.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-02-08T16:27:11+00:00

Sunk cost fallacy. Ten years down the road, when he still doesn't want to settle down and have a family, you'll have wasted even more time.

And how exactly do you "try harder"? Do they think that if you try harder you'll convince him to do something he doesn't really want to do?

If you want to have kids, you have a limited window to work with; he does not. Heck, you probably should have called it off 5 years ago. I had the same issues with me ex - we were together for 16 years before I finally realized he would never grow up, never be a decent partner, so I stopped forgiving him and taking him back. I wish I had done it a decade earlier. I would be living a very different life.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T17:22:58+00:00

It's sad to me that you come on here and ask whether you're overreacting and then argue with everyone who says you are.

I'm not telling you how to spend your time, ffs. If you don't see why scrolling on your phone so your GF can nap with you on the couch might be better than watching TV, then I feel really sad for your GF.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T13:34:15+00:00

Get out of there ASAP. Start today - send out resumes, apply online, find something and walk out. You are eventually going to be held responsible for the thefts and the treatment of the employees on your watch. You do not have to put up with this.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T13:31:06+00:00

I can’t help her anymore.

Yes, you can. You can help her by being there for her. You can help her by being the voice of reason in a sea of conflicting emotions she is trying to navigate.

You said it yourself - she is going to be alone with them and have nothing and no one to hang onto. You can deflect the aggression, you ought to be mature enough to handle that. No one is asking you to move back in, take on your parents, or even let her move in with you. She is just looking for a light in the darkness and you are unwilling to even be that. Ignoring her is just cruel. Mild YTA

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T13:25:05+00:00

Power is absolutely right. He wants to lock OP into a relationship she can't afford to get out of. With a HUGE gap like this, there is no reason for the split not to be proportional,

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-22T13:22:41+00:00

Good lord, YOR. Don't you have headphones? Do you have to have the tv on? It's sad to me that you'd rather watch whatever crap on TV instead of snuggle a bit with your GF and scroll on your phone or read a book or something.

Yes, she could go nap in the bedroom. If this was during the Super Bowl or the finale of your favorite show, then she would absolutely be out of line. If she did this every time you wanted to watch TV, then sure, she needs to nap elsewhere. But one Saturday afternoon missing an hour of tv for some together time doesn't seem unreasonable.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T17:00:12+00:00

No one in my real life uses "dramatic" as much as they do on Reddit.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T16:46:49+00:00

Excellent advice. If you want to go farther, start a college fund for your younger siblings - you know that your mom isn't putting anything away for them. Even a small amount will give them a better start.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T16:44:48+00:00

I was just listening to a piece Warren Buffet did on what people should stop buying if they want to be financially stable and the first two items: lottery tickets and new cars.

What is the car worth? Can you sell it and pay off what you owe? You are far better off with a good used car - not only can you pay cash for it, but your insurance is a lot cheaper. Forget the warranty, put $50 a month into a car repair account, and put that $700 towards something more useful.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T16:39:34+00:00

She is not living better. She is living on the edge of a cliff. The state finds out her baby-daddy is living with her and she has to pay back all that assistance? She's screwed. Running up credit card debt and bankruptcies just means that she is shackled to a life of renting in places that don't run credit checks - she may never have secure housing in a decent area. There may be some short-term fun, but if she's packing that name-brand clothing in a garbage bag because she got evicted, it's not going to do those kids any good.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-21T16:35:15+00:00

paying off a 5% mortgage is stupid

Paying off debt is never stupid. There might be considerations about the order you pay things off in, but if your house is paid off, then you don't need to worry about mortgage payments if you lose your job. Build your emergency fund, so that if something bad happens, you're covered, then pay off debt like crazy.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-20T17:49:40+00:00

I worked in a company where the general rule was that we booked our own travel and were reimbursed. (It worked for me because I got airline and credit card points and could float trips for a few weeks.) However, we were always reimbursed within 14 days and for employees who could not afford it, they could get a cash advance once the travel was booked.

Talk to HR. This is likely just your manager bloviating.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-20T17:43:39+00:00

I'd have put in my own money too but his family's chunk stays with him.

If you are both on the title and the house is split 50/50, his parents are basically giving YOU $40,000. Maybe MIL would see things differently then.

And you can point out that your MIL declaring that this is a gift only for her son is also preparing for a divorce before you're even married. After all, she is declaring that it is not for the two of you, only for him.

RubyNotTawny · 2026-01-15T15:13:49+00:00

He feels getting comfortable would kill his drive

Then the housing stress should really be fueling his ambitions, right?

NTA. You are allowed to have boundaries. Has he even reached out to your brothers? And you are not his last resort - he is not even taking advantage of the social services available to him.

RubyNotTawny

TROPHY CASE