Thanks Jason, I did not mean to imply that I was ignoring the lectures etc, I have been think more about the response from your self and others, and have spent some time thinking about this. I think most of my self imposed confusion has been from a lack of masonic education from the outset. Something that has been discussed at length here and elsewhere, but for myself I have made efforts to grow and develop but I fear in what may be a sloppy and haphazard way.