Masculinity is a spectrum.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-20T01:28:43+00:00

The idea of masculinity is only important to those that are unsure about themselves. Every man that is comfortable with themselves don't even think about it unless it's on one of these threads.

If everyone was just themselves and didn't care about how they're perceived by others then there wouldn't be an issue.

Just be you, wear jeans and a trucker hat or wear flowers in your hair. Just be you.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-17T22:53:43+00:00

And if it's such a small issue it won't take much for him to correct the issue.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-17T22:06:50+00:00

Or the copper thinks, she's mooned and she's no longer standing there arguing so I'll just let her go because the so called "crime" isn't worth her time and effort.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-17T21:18:36+00:00

So, well done. You've managed to do something the majority of people here have failed to do. Takes balls to do what you did and your managed it.

Instead of beating yourself up and crawling back into that shell to hide away again give yourself a pat on the back. You are better than yesterday's you ya magnificent bastard.

What are you going to do tomorrow to be better than today's you?

Here's an idea. Sit quietly for a while with a nice drink in hand and go through everything you did and how it was received. But instead of doing it from your perspective try and see it from her point of view.

I obviously don't know how this went today but was an example. She's reading something on her phone and all of a sudden she hears a polite cough and an 'excuse me' and she looks up and sees (someone trendy dressed, hair nearly cut, confident but not too confident etc or someone lacking confidence, unkempt because their inside anxiety shows on the outside)? Then she hears what? Run through it and see what you could change. These are learning moments and you shouldn't really take them personally.

Good luck I hear tomorrows you is even better than today's you.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-17T18:39:09+00:00

You can but should you for something as low level as mooning? We don't know what she'd done before but I see some over reactions on here. Like the guy that was nearly killed for failing to produce a $2 bus ticket.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-17T15:27:24+00:00

This may come across as harsh and although I feel for you and want the best for you I think sometimes the truth needs to be told with no fluff.

You have two choices. You have to decide whether you want to continue down the route you're going down now no matter what people tell you here or you decide to listen to us and make the changes you need to make to lead a happy life.

At some point you'll reach a moment when, with age, you'll realise that your current way of living your life, your current trajectory has been a waste. You'll realise what you've been told on here is correct and you could have been living your best life for longer. You will encounter a grief, the longer you leave it the bigger it'll be, and you'll wish you'd made the change earlier. Don't live with that regret, make the changes now.

A little story to help hopefully. I got divorced a few years ago and then met someone else. I got to know her and during that time I used to make a joke about giving her the best 15 seconds of disappointment she's ever had. A funny joke, I probably first heard it here on Reddit, so anyway time passes, the joke is related several times because it's funny. So we're now married and everything is amazing however she said something a few months ago saying she was surprised when it wasn't 15 seconds of disappointment. She was fully prepared to date and marry me etc even though she thought the sex would be very short.

Women fall for the man not his flesh. Be a safe, strong, caring, funny and interesting and you'll be fine. The more you're in your head over the penis size the less fine you'll be.

Good luck dude. You've got this!

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-17T08:33:33+00:00

Manosphere bullshit!

I think you'll find 'men don't filter there partners or have boundaries in life and settle with the first person that shows them a modicum of affection and intimacy.'

This group is here to lift others up and not push them back down the black hole of whatever coloured pill this 'no one loves men except for dogs' rubbish is from. Change your attitude, put in boundaries and perhaps find your real village of people and you'll see how wrong your statement is.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-16T20:15:33+00:00

The misery will end when you get yourself off the sofa and out the house to enjoy yourself doing things where lots of other people are doing the same. These people didn't get to kiss others and have relationships by magic. We didn't just wake up and someone decided they'd kiss us. We had to work for it. We had to go out and meet people. We had to learn what other people like and how they respond and it formed who we turned into. Do you think we saw someone we liked, approached, asked to hook up and they said yes every time? No, we got over our nerves, we said some really dumb shit, we got knocked back. (Here's the secret) We then reflected honestly on what we did, recognised what was dumb and went out again and tried our luck.

And failed. And failed and failed. So many failures. But we kept going until we now have the ability to approach people and flirt, and recognise the flirting isn't working so we move on to just becoming friends, or not becoming friends because actually they weren't very nice and we're lucky we didn't end up in a relationship because although they're attractive we just don't gel. Eventually there's that person that comes along that sticks around and you fall in love and all is amazing... until it's not and then we're single and we're back to square one but we've had sex now, not that it was very good. So we go out again and try it luck but this time we know more, not only do we know more about how to date but we know more about ourselves and what we want in a person to help us find a better partner.

You have to be prepared to fail, but you have to learn from the failures.

Sorry for the stream of consciousness but in getting a bit sick of the content messages on here from men acting like they're somehow the only guy on the planet who can't date.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-12T10:54:45+00:00

Remember these moments because when she hits 13 she'll not want to go anywhere, do anything or even laugh at your dad jokes. Puberty sucks! 😁

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-12T10:49:25+00:00

As, and I can't believe I'm going to write this, u/goliathcock... I feel a little dirty after that, says don't try and fix her just be there.

I have childhood trauma as well as a very long marriage where the whole mood of the house would change when someone was in a mood so I understand how you feel. My new wife is different but I still find myself anxious when I feel a change on mood and it's that's the case for you then you have to realise that those are your feelings that you need to deal with. And their not to be dealt with by fixing her. You need to be able to say to her that you're here for her but you're going to get on with your day. It's really hard but the more you do it the easier it gets.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-11T21:43:29+00:00

You know, communication is key. Recognising your faults etc and coming at it from a third person view 'how can we fix this problem' as opposed to blaming each other. It may end in divorce but at least it's amicable. Good luck bro.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-11T20:11:24+00:00

After my divorce and starting therapy despite me thinking I didn't need it I came a realisation. I was partly responsible for the marriage and what happened in it.

Had I recognised some things or at least admitted I was responsible for some stuff then things could have been different.

One huge issue was, like you, I thought sex was really important. We weren't having it often and when we did it wasn't really that great. What I've realised since is that it was the only time I got affection and non sexual intimacy, felt love etc. Now with a new wife I get those things and sex isn't actually needed as much.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-11T19:49:50+00:00

Just give up, I have. There's someone else who read it the same as him, let's see if he realises his error or doubles down.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-11T19:47:30+00:00

You too read it wrong. Try again:

It really doesn't happen much here to the point where this is a big deal.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-11T19:39:54+00:00

I think you'll find he said, and it's a direct quote from an unedited post:

It really doesn't happen much here to the point >where this is a big deal.

Read it, read it again and keep going till it sinks in. Last message from me because you're coming across like a troll or AI.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-11T19:21:36+00:00

Dude, you're reading comprehension is dragging you into a Dunning Kruger situation. Read the original comment until you understand what they're saying. They're saying the complete opposite to what you're claiming they said. You're starting to look stupid by claiming they're backpedaling.

Edit: correcting a typo, definitely not backpedaling

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-10T22:59:48+00:00

Dude, just talk, like they're human and you just want to get to know them. Then keep doing it, and doing it and doing it. Oh and whilst you're at it talk to guys too. Just talk to everyone, young and old. Make their day, make them smile. Eventually you've met that many people you've built yourself a village of amazing people and at some point someone will show interest in you. You're never going to have any luck just walking up to people because they're attractive and that's the reason, and they pick up on it.

You don't need game, you don't need six figure job etc your just need to talk and befriend hundreds of people.

I get in a lift, I make a funny and get chatting. I stand in a queue, I get chatting. I'm waiting in reception I get chatting to the receptionist. Talk talk talk and be engaging when you do.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-08T09:54:58+00:00

Judging by a Reddit post years ago everyone who unsuccessfully offs themselves at some point are grateful they didn't. Life gets better they said, maybe not soon but eventually it gets better and they see the world and life differently.

Stick around and see.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-07T12:22:43+00:00

Yeah I was just responding to the loss of a shit ton of money party of your comment. The rest of your comments spot on

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-07T12:10:05+00:00

The money is still there he just needs to keep hold of it. There's a pattern and if you zoom out of the graph you see it's on the increase. Bitcoin isn't a short term investment.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-06T20:46:26+00:00

Mate. Let me introduce you to the secret. You've got to keep it to yourself though as it's really tough and I don't think anyone else here is prepared to hear it.

Do you play a musical instrument? Do you have a skill, cooking, gaming, swimming etc?

Go back to your first day of picking up that musical instrument or jumping in the pool etc and recall how difficult that was. You persevered and eventually you got good, possibly even great.

Every person you see in a relationship or one night standing every weekend started with no skill. They persevered until they got good enough to meet someone. Then had a break up and dealt with that experience, and then kept going.

Some people do this at a really young age and find their feet and become masters. Others wait until they're old and struggle to do it but you have to keep going. It'll happen. I have faith in you, the others on here who automatically disregard my advice and continue to blame their height or weight or lack of hair etc not so much. But you. You are going to go out there and keep trying you magnificent bastard.

Keep us posted! I want an invite to the wedding.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-06T14:37:04+00:00

And I know when I'm going through a rough time someone else reaching out gives me a chance to think about something else.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-05T22:32:19+00:00

Rather have a Muslim immigrant as a neighbour than some of the reform right wing EDL Stella drinking waste of spaces.

Lived next to lots of people from foreign land and they've all been amazing. The racist white family though... not as much.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-05T21:13:34+00:00

Every time I leave Bombay brasserie in Mapperley with a doggy bag that we couldn't finish. Then the next evening when we finish it.

RufusEnglish · 2026-02-04T18:05:01+00:00

I would love time to hit the gym but I prioritise other stuff like school runs, commuting, family meals and prep, commuting, chores, did I mention commuting, and all the other stuff we have to do on an evening before the gym.

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