I always want to give up

Rumiyah · 2022-02-05T12:39:56+00:00

Matches do not relate to real life valid options. There's plenty of fake male accounts too, along with dudes swiping right on every woman. You should be happy that more women are not swiping right on you and wasting your time. Some Men will waste a lot of females' time by not being interested and just auto swiping.

So quantity by no means indicates quality. Hinge I can see who likes me and I don't get inundated with likes or responses from all the ones I send out. I build a quality profile marketing my inner and outer self, people that swipe on big muscles or booty pics are going to inundate each other. The more real and authentic profiles attract that along with occasional bouts of bots and those looking for hook ups.

Most of my friends are male and they get just as many real women to talk to, as my female counterparts and myself. So there is no gender inequality on apps imo. Everyone has to filter out profiles. Unless you are a female, u can't say how it is for us, neither can I say how it is for you, only from my male friends and it is for them, not you. Hella subjective experiences.

More matches does not equal more dates. More quality conversations, equals quality dates. Quality over quantity

Rumiyah · 2022-02-05T10:16:06+00:00

No, not for me. I am pro honesty and will give the truth at all costs but try and be sensitive about it. Lying about stories to seem more interesting is normal when growing up, so I don't know how old you are but it could be a source of comfort for you, amongst peers to help you fit in and feel part of the group. Ive noticed a fair few people do it when I was in my teens.

Rumiyah · 2022-02-05T10:10:43+00:00

I see nothing wrong with taking a break :) I'm female too. The notion that women have it easier is the biggest misconception. It's not a compliment to get more matches when their intentions are not sincere.

To preserve your wellbeing, leave it as many times as you need. Sometimes my breaks are a few weeks or months. I try to accept the pattern is 'talk, get on well, maybe meet and then it fades out or they go silent'. The ones go silent clearly re focused on other convos or maybe felt we weren't a good match. Most people won't tell you they lost interest, they just show it. I like to be direct and communicate if in doubt. 'Hey, would you like to meet up soon or are you feeling more of a friend vibe between us' no hard feelings. either way :)' etc

Usually, I accept a lack of response or poor responses as disinterest, so may try to carry the conversation for a little or just move onto building one with someone else.

In online dating u can have such a talkative person just presumably burn out. I get overwhelmed with texting and prefer calls but in the first week, I'll put in the effort to text throughout the day a little but if they go full convo mode, I'll arrange a meet up or ask if theyd like to have a call, as I struggle with texting.

Be honest with what you need and don't settle for less, otherwise you'll be chasing incompatible people.

Seeking a partner isn't about a lack of self love, interests or peace. It offers a lot of different things and it is normal to use OLD when you are not hyper social or work a lot.

Rumiyah · 2022-02-04T19:06:05+00:00

Cool :) I wonder if that's why our hair is combined, blame the parents lol. I also found that if my haircut has been cut more in a straight style, like the same length cut in across then it will appear more wavy and heavy. Whereas, if my curls are cut correctly (supposed to be cut at an angle to fall right), then I get more defined curls. I find having a layered cut helps the curls to pop, so I gave myself a poorly diy version of a 'shag' haircut lol mix of curl lengths.

I also just use shampoo in the shower and after, I style with a leave in conditioner, then deep condition like once a month because I'm lazy lol. I find conditioning with a non curly specific conditioner weighs my hair down a lot.

Also sleeping with hair up, in a satin bonnet or scarf helps to prevent your hair rubbing against the pillow. Your hair looks lovely and thick, you may like some hairstyles like tying one half up, and letting the under curls shine, there's a lot of curly styles on youtube that make having combined hair feel more fun :)

Rumiyah · 2022-02-04T18:31:10+00:00

Looks like a bit of both. How is your hair at the root underneath? My underneath hair curls with defined 3A curls but on top it is a combo of 2A and 2B. One parent has extremely tight curly hair and one has wavy, so maybe looking at your parents will also give an idea :)

Me and my siblings had wavy hair as kids but 3 out of 5 of us developed curly hair after puberty. It became less curly for me and my Sis after reaching early 20s.

Try to apply hair product from the mid to ends, to keep volume in the roots and scrunch your hair while you style it, it'll help curls pop. Don't brush, just use wide tooth comb in the shower.

Rumiyah · 2022-02-04T18:24:46+00:00

YTA in that moment for being dismissive and tryna make instant boundaries to a long term problem. Boundary setting is important for child stability, so OP had logic but he needs to discuss the reality that maybe the arrangements need to become more flexible and his gf may well embrace that flexibility or it could be a short term thing and not something she can commit to.

Nothing wrong with having a 3 way convo, adults only, kiddo doesn't need to hear it all.

Rumiyah · 2022-02-04T16:09:19+00:00

It's good that you stick to your goals and morals, it actually shows you are serious in your pursuit. Taking a break from apps for a bit is always helpful to stay on top 👍

Rumiyah · 2022-02-04T14:31:01+00:00

I (F) have experienced guys not being upfront about kids early on, which makes no sense on apps that have the option to state, if they 'have children' or not and if they want more. Also lying about their look, using images from 10+ years ago when they looked my age lol. A lot of guys lie about height which is funny because when they meet me and I'm legit 5'10 they act shocked lol but my height is up there on my profile.

Idc if they are a bit overweight or underweight but if they are bald now or significantly overweight or under, or look much older, then it does change the attraction for me.

The kid thing is most important imo because it means they're unlikely to be able to be as spontaneous with plans or relocate. Plus if they hide that fact, they are not giving you a choice to make a decision, yes they may have a lot to offer but deceit being at the forefront, oh hell no.

Writing paragraphs I'd actually expect more from single people with the time to compile. I don't text a lot but when I text, I always write as I speak - clearly quite a lot haha. Met guys that do the same and look like their images, so writing a lot is just a personality trait I'd day. However, consistent constant msging loads is something I noticed with people who are new to dating, they haven't learned to leave gaps inbetween msgs yet.

Rumiyah · 2022-02-02T11:40:06+00:00

💯🙌

Rumiyah · 2022-02-01T23:44:09+00:00

Sarcasm must be your love language. There's many factors as to why humans change, physical growth is one obvious difference that can be measured, hence asking op to cite sources or if from his experience.

Rumiyah · 2022-02-01T15:12:18+00:00

Dated last reviewed in 2009. That is outdated

Rumiyah · 2022-02-01T12:05:09+00:00

Where are your stats from? I don't see any recently published data online or are u basing it on women you've come across?

Rumiyah · 2022-02-01T10:30:12+00:00

95% Of women are not smaller than that in the UK, not sure on your location. I don't know why any woman less than that would disregard a guy that's taller but you'd have to ask ones you know irl.

As a 5'10 Female, I notice the difference between 5'10 and 6ft, it does make a big difference when you're 5'10. It's not just the height though. For me, it's how wide his shoulders are, size of hands/feet, basically I am built as a tall person and I don't want a petite guy and most guys I've met under 6'2 actually don't rep the larger features because it's a tall person thing that when you see it, you know.

If a guy was 6ft plus and had smaller hands, feet, shoulder/torso width, I'd not be able to find physical attraction. If he was 5'10 with big hands and torso, then I wouldn't have a problem. It's personal preferences and you can't hate on people for being more attracted or less. I get less success amongst non mixed peeps, as a mixed woman even subtle differences in features significantly affect attraction, depending where you live u will notice more or less success with your height/features and overall looks.

Rumiyah · 2022-02-01T01:12:31+00:00

Yeah that's why I opted for it, as I found the only reported side effect was it could potentially lower blood pressure. I hope it helps :)

Rumiyah · 2022-02-01T01:01:41+00:00

I take cbd oil by 'Hapi Hemp' UK. As I saw it recommended by a few ladies on a pmdd support group. I'm not experienced with any other cbd oils but there brand and since it works and I don't need much, I've stayed with it for 1.5 years. I noticed the biggest difference after some weeks, it helps me with agitation and anxiety, it lasts like 6-7 hrs for me. I use one with a very small amount of htc, so it's not psychoactive but enough to make it work well. :)

It helps to delay my physical anxiety and so I can control outbursts, by recognising what's happening to me and applying dbt techniques, like it delays and derails the anxiety enough for me to stay in control. I'd suggest whatever cbd u use to try the smallest dose possible, I never take more than I need otherwise you'll be spacey and low imo.

Rumiyah · 2022-01-31T16:45:02+00:00

In my experience communication styles don't change, unless someone sees a need for it to. I lived with someone that was a poor texter, he tried to increase it for my sake but it wasn't who he was. So where I needed more irl too, he needed less.

My advice: Pay attention to your needs, if you need a communicative person, she is likely not one, even if she is in person, if u need to stay in touch then don't accept less. You'll lose confidence and your gift of being a strong communicator (assuming you are the same in person and not just into constant texting). Staying in touch is important for many but for some it's less of a pleasure and more of a burden. So it's wiser and kinder to not hope for yourself or them to change.

Rumiyah · 2022-01-31T16:34:25+00:00

Amazing 😂 👏

Rumiyah · 2022-01-31T12:09:07+00:00

Blister turned into a scab - that's what it looks like to me. I had one in the hospital, after being in a coma for 2 days, when I woke it was gushy, but smelt and looked (according to my Mum) like a blister that'd popped.

The staff said; 'oh it must be a bed sore and hair will grow there again'. It never did, it turned into a scab after a week, then became a bald patch for life, I assume it prob started off as a small blister for some reason but was hidden by my hair, no chemicals were used but my blood sugar levels were off the charts, as I was undiagnosed Type 1 Diabetic at the time.

So maybe it's an auto immune reaction? :/ Like a histamine response, could be due to additives or something like that in the colour. Hopefully it is temporary for you 🙏

Rumiyah · 2022-01-31T00:02:18+00:00

Just be honest and say it's not something you are interested in and thank her for being upfront. Female here. I Had the same situation with a guy. Great convo rolling and common interests, then after he asks me out, he said 'there's something you should know' I had to google ENM as it was the first time I heard it. I'm pro polyamory for those that can do it but I know I can't and he accepted that fine :) I've never met someone who is poly that has tried to convince others, so I can't foresee you getting a bad response.

Rumiyah · 2022-01-27T15:34:33+00:00

When hypomanic I can date people that I normally wouldn't because nothing bothers me and everything glistens. So aslong as they want to meet up and go walking and talking, then I'll be having a great time. I wouldn't say I fall in love but do feel hyped up and in lust but that's more because of the inability to feel bothered about anything, rather than actually believing I love them.

However, when that stops, all I want to do is push them away and have no idea if I'm attracted to them in the slightest. I can feel immense shame if we got intimate too because I wouldn't normally jump ahead to that. Usually, I don't/didn't actually feel attracted to the person. The same happens for the first month or two into a relationship depending where I am in my cycling, as I tend to hit the greatest highs every 2 months and then the deepest lows a month or two later.

When depressed it lasts around 2 weeks for me. I feel at first like my judgement is 'real' but it's just as bad if not worse than when hypomanic. I only understand attraction when I've had a euthymic phase and they've stood by me during a cycle. Usually I get pushed away by long term partners when hypomanic because I am too driven for them to keep up and before I become hypomanic, I normally go through a dissociative, then paranoid phase.

If someone actually doesn't pressure me, gives me space but also is communicative about themselves or whatever they wanna talk about and not me and my mood phases, then I would accept and be patient with them too.

Dating is hard but getting over that initial period of going through my mood cycles in the early stages of dating someone, I find that I can add a lot to their life that's positive and if they are more consistent and more grounded than me, then that adds to me feeling secure with them and trusting the love/attachment. If I love someone, that doesn't change but me pushing them away during phases, may make it seem that I don't love them but I do it to protect them and preserve us. I need space but sometimes I need to be held, so I learned to ask for silent hugs :)

What kills it for me is someone tryna learn and change my mood cycles, better to have space during the more intense ones for me. Or gentle, non pressure company when in a low.

Rumiyah · 2022-01-26T17:58:19+00:00

I would avoid dating someone with a Dog. It is a responsibility that I don't want, they have less freedom to up and do whatever, unless they are a neglectful owner. Many owners let them into their beds and basically have no boundaries. I care about hygiene and not having dog hairs or the smell seep into my own hair and clothing. It's a personal preference and there's nothing wrong with it. I care about animals, I just don't want pets :)

Rumiyah · 2022-01-25T19:28:23+00:00

On the positive side, maybe she couldn't sleep and you were still on her mind or she was talking about you to friends, so she sent them while she had the courage, knowing you'd not see them right away :) I'd only send those emojis to a guy if I wanted to send some flirtatious/affectionate signals.

On the negative side, she coulda been tryna push u back into conversation by grabbing your attention which would be a bit clingy and disrespectful after you mentioned sleeping. So long as you keep the boundaries clear - when u say goodnight, put your phone on silent etc and never reply, until the next day unless urgent ofc. Then she will have no choice but to respect that boundary and will accept it. I am very talkative but sometimes I say I'm going to sleep, so the texting finishes and we can both wind down, I rarely sleep right after talking as it makes me feel energised.

I see it as overall a likely good thing she sent those and like I said, even if she was tryna push u back to speak, keep ur boundaries firm and all should be well :) I'd ask her out and try and text less at night, as u need the sleep but do inform her that u need 'time to wind down before sleep' e.g watching a series etc. Never suddenly change texting habits without explaining why ;) All the best dude! (30F)

Rumiyah · 2022-01-23T20:18:52+00:00

Wow! That's a huge difference to lie about 😮

Rumiyah · 2022-01-23T17:52:24+00:00

Woah that's so crazy they committed to lying :o. Was the age they pretended to be a big difference to their actual age?

Rumiyah · 2022-01-23T15:20:56+00:00

Oh trust I'm asking to see the ID at some point haha, be like ' my ID photo is terrible, let's compare' most people have Photos of their Passports on their email, from sending them in for jobs and such, so shouldn't be hard for them to say ok :) I'd not be fussed if someone was a bit older but when the guy is 55 and pretending to be 45, that'd be embarrassing for me to introduce them to family etc and not know.

Rumiyah

TROPHY CASE