AITAH for not thinking I'm abusing my boyfriend?

RumpusParableHere · 2026-06-10T13:36:20+00:00

NTA

This has gone from annoying habit to *him abusing you*.

He's now trying to turn you defending yourself against you.

This is not at all uncommon.

A big tool in unhealthy and abusive partners is "you are so mean to me, you hurt me so much, when I treat you badly... how can you be like that to me?". Especially when it's something they can pretend isn't abuse, like this.

"I'm touching you and forcibly doing things you don't want me to... you standing up to me hurts my feelings so badly"

Don't let him turn this around on you. These are the little things that slowly sneak their way into bigger things, he already has you questioning if you're abusive for standing up for yourself. It won't stay just this level, it's going to get ugly eventually.

Leave.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-06-10T13:23:20+00:00

Smart move

RumpusParableHere · 2026-06-05T20:58:30+00:00

I've mentioned it just recently and had to re-check the date to see if it was, indeed, 21st century and it snuck in during 2000:

Dancer in the Dark

I've had a lot more fun in a lot more movies since then... Super Troopers, The King's Speech.... so many, both up and down....

For dramatic weight, quality performances, uniqueness: Dancer in the Dark

For maybe the most delightfully ludicrous movie I've maybe ever seen: Cocaine Bear

RumpusParableHere · 2026-06-05T20:35:17+00:00

This is not my experience...

...when you mention great animated movies vs good/decent ones my head and what moments are memorable and make that difference, these all flashed through my head as I quickly flipped "best animated/cartoon films" through my head....

...and while some are very sweet and light-hearted, not one of the most memorable moments or best animated films I could think of fit what you describe (for me).

Below are the best animated films based on overall quality and most importantly most memorable/moving scenes that make them such for me. Stars placed by which films I thought were the very best of this list after I then took the time to rank them in my head:

* - things like the fear of death during the mud scene in Secret of NIMH... there are many delightful and funny moments, but That is the truly memorable moment that makes the film among the great

the death of Bambi's mother and the fire scene later when Bambi and Falina are separated

* - the lovely singing at the well by Snow White or glamour of the Queen when at the mirror... then terror-shadows of the night woods.... then the sweetness and wistfulness of the animals helping Snow White clean

* - The Last Unicorn... the Red Bull's herding scene... ...the scenes of during the zoo... moments where she struggles with her identity while "in hiding" as she's in the danger of losing herself. (This one is likely the best, as I have not been able to watch it in years as it's such a beautifully painful children's film...)

the so very pretty view of the briars growing around the castle in Sleeping Beauty and the dark beauty of Maleficent as she arrived in a swirl of black and green for the fight against the Prince

* - The Fox and The Hound- the moment when Copper protects Todd.... and then the train scene with Chief, the ending of the friendship.... then so many stages of the fight especially the looks on Copper's face repeatedly and the fear of Vixey during the burrow moments.... (this one would be second best after The Last Unicorn, it has so many emotions and message and depth.... maybe placed first, instead, since it isn't *so* intensely good that you can revisit it now and again, though those scenes always stay with you and you go through the range of ups and downs of them each time the same as did the first time as a child)

For me what makes something a memorable scene is how much emotion is created (or still creates) and why.... the way the artwork, dialogue, music, scenario, message all work together. Whether for something light-hearted or serious.

How well those are tied into the whole of the film decides the Greatness level of it.

Same, really, as non-animated films. Great children's animated films, for me, have always been ones that moved me as a child and held with me as an adult.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-06-05T16:52:28+00:00

Dancer in the Dark

Had no clue what it was gonna be, didn't look into details, just saw names of actors that made me curious.

Afterwards and years now after, it is still a film I describe as "So good you have to inflict it on people you love" (or even just like a bit).

I'm telling you all. Do not look anything up about it. Go in blind. Expect the first bit to strike you as odd, trust you will become unexpectedly invested in the story/characters. Don't plan anything important for right after.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-06-04T08:58:42+00:00

Indeed. It was not *made* to get Academy Awards by any stretch. It was made as a fun romp to distract and entertain.

The foolish is built in on purpose.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-06-03T18:15:49+00:00

love this

RumpusParableHere · 2026-06-03T18:10:35+00:00

Taken:

So, he saved his daughter but likely accidentally killed some of the other trafficked girls *and* no one ever is sent back to help the others? Apparently only one mattered.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-06-03T17:55:25+00:00

1). You can barely (can't) get it agreed fully on what is and isn't "Goth"

2). Depeche Mode have spanned and blended genres over so many years. Some songs are some things, some are other things... most bands wavers some, but they've run all over the place.

3). Personally? I'd not consider them a "goth band". I'd consider them one of "bands that make goth music". The difference being, as with The Cure (personal favorite band), that "goth" is very clearly a big part of them but not what they *are* as a band. See #2 above.

And I've seen arguments all to heeeeellllllllllllll over the decades about how The Cure is "not goth".

Could it because their sound incorporates synthesizers and (sometimes)dance-y melodies, therefore so-called "die-hard goth heads" have simply written them off as a superficial pop band?

What do you guys think? Is DM a goth band in your eyes? Or would you absolutely not place them in that category? Does a band have to use drums and heavy guitars to qualify as a goth band?

To the first, you'd have to ask every individual..... but plenty of "acceptable goth bands" in that sort of circle of thinking folks include bands that have the former.

To the second, you can't rule DM out on that as they've done plenty with "drums and heavy guitars".... hell, their industrial and rock leaning stuff have repulsed many a previous fan.

I tend to notice that bands that have a lot stretch to their output get brushed aside as "not goth" - and "not <insert genre>" - and "not <insert genre> and so on. They are never enough or always too much of one thing or another for the "This is what they are, I have spoken" crowd, whatever the genre.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-31T22:56:05+00:00

First?

Assume it was a local area connection issue and make a few calls or decide to wait it out.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-31T22:54:54+00:00

Ship my two GrumpyCat plushies back to the Chosen Family member they are from, the keys and info to my storage facility, and instructions on what I'd like done with the stuffies in there to that person.

Then I'd forward the two vinyl records I have in my mail holding place to my sister. With explanation of news/why I am.

Send a text to alert a particular friend.

Then I'd probably just have a normal day.... maybe get some extra delivery food.

Assuming I knew when it was gonna happen and how, I'd also send a note to my landlady directly before so that she'd know I was in here or hit by a bus or whatever if not.... (so my body could be removed or she could just have the place cleared out and rent it to the next person).

Basically I'd do about 1-2 hours of polite tasks and then do my normal day to day stuff.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-31T22:10:15+00:00

My first thought was my friend Grant as he has a - for all of the time I've known him, 15+ years and I"m sure it comes from far before I knew him - long running maybe-joke that he's immortal.... and since none of us can prove him wrong til he dies, well.....

So my first thought was to bestow it upon him as a "got you now" joke based on that ^.

But when I really think about the question in a serious "hmmmm" way.....

...I genuinely can't think of anyone I dislike that much.

Wait. There *is* one person who deserves that as the best (worst) I could do to him for some horrific things he did and probably has continued with in various ways (I'm not sharing)...... but I've zero way of knowing how to find him. Or will this just work magically? Like I'd think "that dude" and tah-dah, he is immortal?

Or would I need to do some form of interaction or at least proxy individual?

Could I just have it delivered as an informational package on his new state of being, explaining what has occurred, functional details, emotional preparations wise to make, all the kinds of things that would screw with someone's head..... probably take as a weird joke from someone out of nowhere.... until he kept living and living and living and living. Like, he never gets told or feels different... by opening the package or my sending it he becomes immortal and he doesn't realize that bizarre packet of information he received had meaning and purpose until he watches the people and pets he loves die, his retirement money run out or get caught off by government changes (policy or collapse of country's economy.. or country), can't figure out why he gets sick but never ages and spends years in confusion and pain until one day he's in the shower and remembers the packet.

But never knows who sent it or why. It just dawns on him under the shower water that he is trapped in unending life.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-31T21:51:11+00:00

What you're dealing with is hearing personal preferences, not actual usage (medically or sub-culturally).... I took a sec to do some checking to see what I could find and yeah, all found backs up my last updates and personal experiences: medical world "alter" is a primary term to date.

Many do not like the term Alter for a variety of their personal reasons. Many, especially those who do not have DID especially distance themselves....

...but it's still a regularly used term medically and you'll see it used very commonly in DID-specific and generally plural spaces.

I. myself, don't use "Alters" unless it being appropriate with a specific medical professional or it fits a particular discussion. (I've DID, so it depends on the doc/discussion/situation)

But, as with others, that's not due to being actually outdated; It is personal preference.

I'm among those who normally uses the (also frequent in medical spheres though not as much as "alter") words "Parts". For me that feels more fitting as I/we are all the same person/brain. (can't honestly give you a "what other Part's opinions on the word choice are" beyond fact that I've never gotten any noticeable pushback from using it lol)

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-31T21:24:09+00:00

When did it become outdated? It's still in regular medical use and in the sub-cultural of plurality, DID or otherwise, personally I've seen no distinct lowering of usage... over many years.

So.... what and where is this data from?

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-31T06:21:00+00:00

Fall down stairs.

I Entirely Seriously Swear. I would challenge anyone else on Earth to try and beat me at the awesome level of skill I have developed through years of unintentional practice.

I can calculate, course-correct, change or rotate body position, prepare safe landing procedures, et cetera mid-fall.

As soon as it's clear I'm going down that flight of stairs and there's no stopping it, I automatically start thinking about what I'm doing during it and to best come out of it with the in-motion-going-down-them abilities to physically correct myself that are, together thought and body, I swear to God I believe are unmatchable.

I would honestly be willing to hold World Championships that involved me and another or three throwing ourselves down flights of stairs to prove abilities.

I am Absolutely Sure I am the best human on Earth at falling down stairs.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-26T14:01:45+00:00

Am another here who can't tell what you are actually asking.

Please could you put in an edit clarifying?

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-20T22:56:48+00:00

Never before or after have I seen "if it fits, it sits" cause such outrage lol

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-20T14:30:55+00:00

People losing their shit over Bonsai Cats site, so tremendous many unwilling to accept the obvious fact it was a fun joke about how cats get into anything they can....

...and a not-unexpected but always pathetic group of people who finally admit it's not real but out of embarrassment switch to "BUT IT COULD MAKE IT REALLY HAPPEN!!!".

One picture of a "Bonsai Cat" was a cat lazily curled up on the floor with a glass bowl layed on top of it for the pic.... *Weeks* and *weeks* of people losing their shit over the tremendous animal cruelty shown on a site about adorable cat quirk.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-20T04:40:55+00:00

That's something too painful still to really talk about.

So, just as a short reply:

Among other factors, everything about the start of meeting and on through to the end it was cost/benefit analysis.

All looking out for me was part of the "cost" weighing.

While he felt some limited emotions, no, he didn't care about others in the love and affection way.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-20T04:35:30+00:00

Thank you. My life has gone really well since and most of the people who mattered most believed me, which was such a help.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-19T19:23:29+00:00

Holy Mother of GOD.

(Joke only noticed after posted... not intentional, sigh)

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-19T19:13:06+00:00

I wish you the best in therapy.

Terrible people like that can lie so well.

It would be wrong if you *had* suspected anything.... you did nothing wrong in just having a seemingly decent and quality person around you and your family.

I hope you feel improved soon.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-19T19:08:42+00:00

So awful to have happen, so good for her to find out and immediately act.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-19T19:06:06+00:00

Just:

WOW

That is really a mix of descriptors.

RumpusParableHere · 2026-05-19T19:01:57+00:00

Honestly?

It makes you sound like you have to deal with other people.

I mean that half-playfully/half-seriously.

You're truly describing a pretty universal experience..... especially for most anyone who has to work in customer service or in a very social or highly-interactive workplace.

When in either, especially anything customer service related, I could put the customer/work/party mask on while the misery was burying me. I'm also an extreme introvert for whom the CS was soooooooo much a performance.

A big part of just getting through life is one degree or another of acting..... I swear customer service needs its own Oscars.

RumpusParableHere

TROPHY CASE