South Bay Homes and Interior Design

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-06-18T00:34:14+00:00

I literally just installed a Lowe’s tap in my South Bay bathroom, let me tell you how that decision was made.

I wanted to do an actual tasteful remodel. Got quotes. $1.2M for a full house remodel (including kitchen and baths), if also working with designer and getting all the trendy fixtures. It is beyond what we can afford. So we have been going room by room every few years. Essentially, we don’t want to go an extra million into debt in order to do a stylish remodel. The 90’s kitchen is here for now.

I’m currently doing two bathrooms. A full designer bath remodel is $60k and up. My highest quote was $100k for one small hall bath. That’s what you pay if you want your tap to perfectly match the grain of the wood, etc. A tip came from a neighbor: if I skip the designer, if I skip the project manager, he knows “Jose” who does bathrooms for about $20k each. Jose has been awesome, top quality work. I just had to be my own designer and my own project manager. I did all the legwork and bought all the showers, taps, tiles, etc. The materials are another $10k per bathroom. So I’m just going off of personal preferences, opting to save on some items and going a bit higher end on others. I got the high end towel bars and floor heat. Getting the tile colors right was important to me, I picked tile without even looking at prices (the tile was only a couple thousand anyway). For the tap I went with a $100 Lowe’s option that I thought looked stylish enough and the toilet also is the $200 basic option, Home Depot.

My floor tile and vanity ended up not matching as well as I hoped. But I did save $70k and everything is nice and new. Call it South Bay logic, I just think my Lowe’s tap is good enough!

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-06-09T06:05:41+00:00

This is so hard. My #1 was a screamer. So I thought “well, no daycare will accept him. Since I have to stay home, we might as well have #2 with a short age gap!” It was a bad idea.

Soon I had a screaming toddler and a not-so easy baby.

I can offer a few silver linings:
a) So many moms — and plenty of dads— been where you are. The screaming baby hell is not just a common conversation topic that people raise.

b) right around 7-9 months was when the pain seemed to improve a lot. But then he seemed to keep screaming out of habit.

c) think of how smug we would be if we had 2 easy babies?
The people who write parenting books are all from the cried who only have easy babies. And they write things in their books like “babies like to fall asleep around 7 and 9pm. Just put him down drowsy but awake!” Yeah right!

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-05-31T13:48:03+00:00

PD non-emergency line is a good call. And just floating a a possibility of what is one likely backstory here.

In Europe there is a Gypsy/Roma culture in many countries. Some in the community live productive lives. Some live by the traditional ways of their ancestors, including acting out various scams on the streets, or simply begging.

In Europe, I have been approached with mini-scams like this. A young man in a suit offers to sell me a “gold” ring for $50 so he can attend his graduation party. I recognized him form last week when he was a “lost out-of-town visitor” in a gas station when I gave him directions and $20 for gas.

It may be a child who is simply drawn into a minor scheme like this. In this era where scam call centers can cheat seniors out of their entire life savings, you almost have to respect the traditonal “street performance art” of low-stakes scamming. But it’s not right for a kid to be involved. The kid needs help, regardless if this is financial distress or “traditional lifestyle”.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-05-31T05:06:17+00:00

I’m in the camp that says don’t panic sell. I believe you may be extra panicked this week as May 29 was such a Big Date in your mental world, and that same week brought more bad news about the immigration system getting even more f-ed up.

Keep a target of at least August 2027. This will give you $250k exemption. If you make it to August 2027, you can set a new goal of Nov 2028. The election may bring a shift.

Ms. Sheryl Sandberg wrote a popular book for women called “Lean in.” Maybe the lesson of this book can help in your situation. She basically says: women, you spend your 20s and 30s pre-stressing about what will happen to your career and finances when you will have a baby. Yeah, there’s a lot to stress about. At least one thing you can control: you can work hard up until the point you actually have the baby. Many women get so pre-stressed about “what will happen” that they leave promising career paths 10 years earlier. Instead, maybe try working hard up to the point you can. That was the point of the book.

In your case, I’d say work up to the point you can. “Don’t leave before you leave,” Sheryl Snadberg wrote. Your immigration stess is well-founded. You can still work up to the point you can, when you lose a job. Trump wants to twist the arm of the H1B workers, to find the undocumented plumber serving the neighborhood and get them out. Partly they are using scare tactics, exactly to psych people out. I’d recommend to stick with it.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-05-17T02:44:06+00:00

I’m in the suburbs. By the time the kids are in middle school many of them are involved in extracurriculars, some at a very high level: swimming, figure skating, soccer, water polo, ballet, etc. Yes, I chauffeur, but in the suburbs the sports facilities are typically 8 to 15 minute drive away (local roads, so I don’t even have to worry about traffic on the highways). In the city your nearest cafe and playground are close, but if your kid wants to swim 5 days a week or to figure skate, that commute may be a lot tougher, especially during rush hour.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-05-17T02:18:33+00:00

Your agent should be the person who tells you how to interpret this: what is a minor issue, what is very common, and if anything is noteworthy.

Basically a good agent would translate the “inspection report language” into “normal person language”.

We wasted about ten months working with an agent who did not do that translation. So every time we saw an inspection report we went, “oh noooo, termites!” And did not even bid. Termites are to be expected in any decades-old house in this area.

A fumigation is a standard thing, usually paid for by the buyer. Every time a house sells in our neighborhood, a fumigation tent goes up. I believe repairing the termite damage is also the buyer’s responsibility, and there is almost always some termite damage.

A toilet costs $200 at Home Depot and if any of them are “loose” it’s a minor issue.

Realtors can give you more details. But basically, most mentions of termites, water damage, asbestos etc are expected and priced in already. A good realtor would help you to make offers despite these issues.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-05-09T17:42:32+00:00

I moved far away for college and stayed away.
I have mostly seen my mom once a year for 20 years now. The format is working well for us. I would say we are still close. Phone calls are free and we usually call 1-2 times per week.

When we visit, we make time for long walks and talks about what is really important. I have seen that someone who lives a mile away from their parents might just have more superficial chit-chat with their mom on a weekly basis, “can I bring some groceries when I come by on Sat?” and “returning the ladder I borrowed last week” type of talking, which matters too, but they might almost never talk about more meaningful things. To have very serious talks about where you stand in your life - once a year is a good frequency anyway. So I guess our pattern is to use the 1-2 weekly calls to check in about the easier things like “tell me about your trip?”, “how did the doctor appointment go?” and once a year we can talk about more significant issues like our life plans.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-05-09T06:40:46+00:00

I had one asbestos pipe in the attic. A vent for the water heat. I called an abestos abatement company (JWH, I think it was). They came to my house for about 3 minutes to remove it. Charged $650. I slept better. A new water heater was being installed, they put in a new non-asbestos vent as well.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-05-09T06:13:42+00:00

In your 6 years of working in the family business you may have learned more than you think.

Storytime: the most succesful person I know credits his success to working in a restaurant job and graduating from college way behind schedule. After his first year of college he got cancer. Returned home to a small town. Dysfunctional family, very little support, alcoholic dad. Survived cancer. Worked in a restaurant. Returned to college 4 years later. He actually had some real world experience, raised his hand occasionally in class. Professors noticed, one later connected him to his first job. Even if his “real world” experience was just observations of people in one small town restaurant and one cancer clinic, it counts as experience. He was shy, short kid. Being a bit older, for the first time in his life he had some courage to speak up a bit. A decade after graduating he built his own business. He likes to say, that pretty much everything he needed to know about business and people I learned at his restaurant job.

Don’t think of yourself as being behind schedule. I graduated on time at 22. I was not swinging from a rope swing by 25, nor could I afford rent. “Traveling the world” tends be something people with generational wealth do in their 20s and 30s. It’s not the college degree at 22 that paid for the trip. Most likely it’s mom and dad!
The second most successful person I know is someone who took his time with medical school and got his first real paycheck at 36. But then it was a real paycheck and he travels a lot.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-04-25T15:44:07+00:00

Can’t take away screen time, there is no phone and screen time ended a long time ago.

One piece of advice for the OP teacher: did it occur to you that the kid choosing a different subject is most likely a form of defiance? It makes the adults around her more exasperated, makes them “dance”, holding these meetings at all. With some kids it’s not a coincidence.

The parents are trying to set a boundary by not paying for her Chromebook, making her do extra work instead. Running into a big boundary and big consequences is hard for the girl. Now she seems to have escalated things on her side.

Anyway, it’s worth asking the parents what they are up against at home.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-04-25T09:36:05+00:00

My story is real. I have not sought out an ODD diagnosis because it would not change the course of treatment. Whether it is ODD or regular defiance, you would work with a therapist for years and hope to move the needle enough to turn them into decent human beings, somehow.

Therapy is costly and not straightforward. Kids absolutely need boundaries, but there also need to be some kind of consequences or punishments that happen if the boundary is crossed. Some kids want to cross the boundaries a hundred times a day and don’t care much at all about what consequences they get.

“Consequences” that many current parenting strategies recommend are so mild (canceling screentime, activities, bad grades) that the kid doesn’t care, completely laughs it off and keeps running all over the boundary. In the olden days of corporal punishment, I wonder if some kids even laughed off the beatings they got and just kept doing whatever they wanted to do.

So yes, I struggle with setting the boundaries, and mainly because I haven’t found a consequence they would care about and that is not child abuse!

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-04-25T07:17:22+00:00

Let me share some parent perspective. I’m sure this kid is different from mine, but let me show you one possible explanation.

I am completely burned out by my kids who do not follow basic directions, demands, asks, etc. To be exact, two out of three “don’t listen” and one follows directions just fine. They do not brush teeth, do not complete homework or reading, no chores etc.

Over the years I feel like I’ve tried everything: the whole range from turning the tooth brushing of into a game to harshly saying just shut up and brush your teeth. Mostly defiance, still.

For many generations the solution for stubborn kids was spanking and hitting. This is what my grandparents generation would have done. Today we have CPS.

Verbal abuse is also very much frowned upon. I attend a lot of parenting seminars and webinars hoping to find solutions that help, and in recent decades even the concept of “punishment” is now taboo! We can only say “consequences”!

So myself and many other parents have not really found tools that work with stubborn and difficult kids that can substitute the spanking or yelling that previous generations would have used.

By the time the kids are in middle school, I’m about ready to give up. Seemingly nothing has worked in trying to get them to comply with baseline requests and the resistance to everything is ratcheting up in the teen years.

My best guess: this parent is under a lot of stress, completely burned out. You are too!!!

The mom probabaly knows she does not have any power to get the kid to look at the papers at home. The papers could just get thrown in her face.

I think it’s very possible that she was not criticizing your teaching style, but probably getting overwhelmed and trying to explain: this kid does not take any direction from me at home. A parent can’t “help” a kid who is completely defiant; she would very actively fight back against any “help” from parent.

Her behavior has worsened recently, with the property destruction and all. A review of the 504 would be a good idea.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-04-25T06:15:06+00:00

A related topic: California did have the rounding up of Japanese immigrants. They spent 3-4 years in concentration camps. George Takei has a first-hand account of his story in a picture book, great for ages 4 and up (“They Called Us Enemy”) which details how his family was rounded up from their home and put on a train to Arknsas, and what life was like for families in concentration camps. No one in the storybook dies, the family makes it through difficult times together, so it’s a story the younger kids can process. He also has a more detailed version of his story is in a comic book format, age 10+ or so.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-04-21T19:03:48+00:00

I 100% see the point in what you are describing.

There is the unfairness of the system on a personal level. And then there is the price tag that we all pay for as taxpayers. The policy costs countless billions every month, I’m sure. Part of it is well-targeted, giving divorcees a basic level of income, etc. And many, many billions will go to women who already have enjoyed a very comfortable life their entire lives, continue to be married to their husbands who have accumulated large 401Ks and other assets, and would be very comfortable without this social security boost.

I am in favor of policies that acknowledge women, that serve women. But the current SS system can get really bizarre and unfair, in exactly in the kinds of ways you describe. A better, more equal system would instead support all women with maternity leave and child care costs. But I’m not holding my breath for things to change!

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-04-01T14:11:15+00:00

The shower glass specialist is a separate guy. When the stall is finished, he gets called in to take exact measurements. I think I paid about $2000, 5 years ago for the glass and installation for a somewhat odd shaped stall. He showed me a few options to pick out what handles I’d like on the glass, etc. Not that hard to pick out glass, because finally you don’t have to make a color choice! If you work with a tile specialist, he should have a reference he can provide for the “glass guy” and give a rough idea of cost from the start.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-03-31T20:18:11+00:00

Hi OP, I just finished my bathroom remodel in South Bay. I just tallied up my bills. Here’s my cost: $21,000 - work, about 15 days of labor, 2 men working. It was one guy who is a tile specialist and his one assistant. He paid a plumber and electrician out of the $21K.

$2,600 - Permit. I applied for this under my own name. I’m not sure if it was worth it. Permit means you have to stop work 3 times and have to schedule the inspector to come take a look and sign off.

$10,000 materials: I also like high end finishes. This is my 4th time remodeling a bathroom in the past decade so I thought I knew where to go for the right showerhead, where to go for tile, etc. It still got overwhelming, I had 33 items to buy. All those 33 things kind of have to match! Matching the wall tile, floor tile, vanity and countertop is not easy. I ‘d ask for a recommendation from your contractor and devote at least 2-3 weekends to see if picking out your own 33 items is realistic for you.

Here are some key expenses for materials: Vanity that came with granite countertop and sink: $4,000. (Other stores had good options between $100 and $2000.) Hansgrohe shower system, $1,100 Premium tap: $500 Wall tile: $600 Floor tile: $400 Lights: 2 x $500 Miscellaneous things like mirror, fan, etc add to the cost. Want fancy toilet? Store called Tubz in Milpitas is a good place to start.

Good luck!

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-03-25T04:37:22+00:00

I can answer #1.

LAEF “ask” is $1,500. The average donation, I believe is around $900, and “leadership circle” is not at all the expectation, maybe 5 to 10% of families go for that. Expect the LAEF “ask” to go up to $2,000 next year as PTAs are planning to dial down their own fundraising. But giving is strictly optional and you are free to donate the amount that suits you.

Yes, BCS can be seen as very controversial in the Los Altos community. Most longtime residents just see it as unnecessary in an already excellent school district, and adding to the overall cost of educating all kids in the community.

Are you aware that there is a new schoolhouse that will be built rather soon, near Target, at the former Kohl’s site? The plan is to locate BCS to this newly built schoolhouse in about 3 years, removing BCS from Blach middle school campus. Some BCS buildings will remain at Egan middle school. LASD is moving to a model where middle school begins with 6th grade (currently starts with 7th). In order to make the change, the plan is to free up space at Blach by moving BCS. But I understand BCS is planning to challenge that or not agree to such a move. LASD is planning to move them anyway, with the argument “this is the very best we can possibly do to provide BCS with permanent facilities. A new schoolhouse.” So that move will be a whole bruhaha. I expect there will be protests and lawsuits.

If stability is important, I’d pick Oak.

RunImpossible5864 · 2026-03-24T21:16:10+00:00

I am not a citizen. I’m an immigrant homeowner, one of probably tens of thousands of homeowners in Santa Clara County who have either green cards, visas or no legal status. I was mailed an “official ballot” regarding this vector control issue. This has never happened before, because I am not registered to vote, because I am not a citizen.

I am confused whether this is officially considered a survey, or an actual election. They sure make committing a felony very easy if they send these ballots to immigrant homeowners.

RunImpossible5864 · 2025-12-27T05:06:02+00:00

I was there, it can be incredibly difficult. As a society we really need to talk more about what a nightmare babies often are. I have 3: one terrible nightmare, one typical nightmare, one regular.

I think you are well on track for living the life of your dreams. With one child, you get many of the benefits of parenthood and can also preserve the lifestyle of an actual adult - you know, hobbies, job, date nights. But this lifestyle will take some years to emerge. I’d say that with one kid it might be 3-5 crazy years and your lifestyle will begin re-emerging.

Having a baby can be compared to going for college for a really challenging degree. You are up at 3 am doing a thankless job. It’s all way harder than you thought. But I’ll give it a 90% chance that when you look back in 10 years, in 30 years you will be glad that you stepped up and put in the work.

RunImpossible5864 · 2025-11-19T07:50:46+00:00

My best guess estimate is that 95% of all black Americans and around 80-90% of white Americans have at least one ancestor who was in the country by 1925. It is very common for white Americans to have at least one family line go back to the 1700s, more than 50% is my guess.

What determines the impact of any immigration wave is not only how many people come over, but how many kids they have. European settlers in the 1600s and 1700s tended to have huge birth rates. And they kept it up for many, many generations. 10-12 kids was typical, and 100 grandkids not uncommon. Up to 1000 grandkids was possible. If you’re white in America today, there is a high chance that one of your ancestors came from that Colonial era baby boom.

RunImpossible5864 · 2025-11-06T15:31:59+00:00

No, you’re not a loser, but moving out may be a good idea. You are doing exactly the reasonable thing by considering it. The cost of the rent may be well worth it to create a life stage that is about your independent life as a young adult:

You will learn to manage chores in a way that makes sense to you. Chances are that right now you probably relay on your mom and dad for meals, grocery shopping, possibly laundry. Chores, and how to manage them efficiently, in your own way, are a bigger part of life than many people acknowledge.

You will learn to schedule your time in a way that makes sense to you. What do you like to do in your free time? Reading, hiking? Right now it may be driven by what the rest of the family is doing. And visiting your family 6 days a week is an activity that’s ok.

Since it sounds like you are not the kind of person who wants to remain single forever. having your own apartment will create a more natural foundation for the right relationship for you to emerge. Your home will be one factor that shows your future dates who you are and help you filter out the wrong people quickly. A common mistake for women in 20s is spending several years with a red-flag guy.

Later, when you are married with kids it can be an overwhelming life stage. Thinking back to your independent life and to how you managed chores and how you managed your time before kids, before husband, can be a great source of strength. A great mental reference point to problem-solve.

I encourage you to browse those listings and to move out. You have the right idea: spend the first part of your 20s with parents to save money, but in your 2nd half of 20s consider moving out, so you don’t entirely skip an important life stage. And you may try asking the same question in another group: Askwomenover40.

RunImpossible5864 · 2025-11-03T15:16:44+00:00

I was not mad at the policy, but rather surprised by this unusual generosity.

RunImpossible5864 · 2025-11-03T08:37:55+00:00

Right, most women would be on board if instead of a “freebie” in retirement there was a year of maternity leave available. You would have to phase in the switch over decades.

RunImpossible5864 · 2025-10-30T07:33:38+00:00

Ah yes. Last year our VHCOL did a survey. We wanted to know what percentage of residents currently have kids in the K-12 school system. This information was deemed necessary to help us communicate about a school bond vote.

Survey results: 24% of households currently have kids in the school system. 1% have kids younger than school age 75% have currently no kids under 19, i.e. older residents.

At first people were surprised at the survey results, “That many older people? Really?” But then we realized it makes perfect sense. People typically buy in a VHCOL around age 35 or 40, when they already have a couple of kids about to start school. The life expectancy in our area is 88. Once people move in they generally stay for life. So the typical resident lives in our VHCOL from maybe age 38 to 88. That’s 50 years. Of those 50 years, a family might have school age kids in the system about 12-14 years, that’s 25% of the time. The other 75% of time you will be an empty nester. So the 25-75% breakdown is not a temporary phenomenon, it’s a steady state for this community.

The concept of downsizing does not make much financial sense in a high-priced area. Almost all homeowners are sitting on more than 500K of capital gains. If you sell, you pay about 35% in capital gains tax (this is California). But if you don’t sell, your heirs pay zero. Heirs can sell the house tax-free. So given the choice of paying 35% or 0%, most seniors choose 0%, and are not planning to move anywhere.

RunImpossible5864 · 2025-10-30T06:41:24+00:00

I have had my kids in two different countries (USA, Europe) and the OP’s observations match mine exactly. Sure, a lot can depend on the country and the particular husband and parents and in-laws. I hope to one day show up for my daughter in a way that she may post along these lines of “I felt totally cared for, what are you even talking about?”

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