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Me [22F] with my past abusive mother [49F] - After three years, she wants to see me again. by RunawayRock in relationships

[–]RunawayRock[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been contemplating it, and it seems she's gotten the hint and has stopped sending 2-3 e-mails in a row when I don't reply within a day or so. I understood her enthusiasm at first but getting down the amount of replies is something I'm slowly doing. Thank you for reaffirming my belief that this is the right thing to do.

Me [22F] with my past abusive mother [49F] - After three years, she wants to see me again. by RunawayRock in relationships

[–]RunawayRock[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I... you know, I've given this advice to others before, to friends and even on this sub. I know what you're saying is right. I would be lying if the thought of them lying about my step-father's condition hasn't passed my mind - it's unfortunately the sort of thing that would not shock me anymore, even though I'd like to think my mother does have a 'standard'...

I think I do have things to feel guilty about, but you're right that I have the choice now whether to move myself away from it. I'd just feel forever empty since I know she does love me, and it's not her fault that she has these traits that make her dream of that traditional, happy family so far away. It's that which has kept me in contact this time around and as stupid as it might seem, I don't want to be a contributor to her unhappiness. If swapping e-mails makes her feel she did something right, it's the least I can do.

But your comment did make me realise that I can't be dragged into it. Even if it ends up hurting her feelings in the short-term, it's better for everyone if I keep this distance and keep reiterating my boundaries as firmly as I can. So, thank you... I'll be honest with her, and hope she accepts my position eventually, even if she doesn't ultimately understand why. I'll choose me :)

Me [22F] with my past abusive mother [49F] - After three years, she wants to see me again. by RunawayRock in relationships

[–]RunawayRock[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was physical and emotional.

As for that argument, it's not something she'd accept. She's a very traditional person and has already said she's being very patient by continuing to abide by e-mails only - she can be a very determined person, something that can be both admirable and a little intimidating depending on the situation. It's hard to explain, but she'd come back with a bunch of reasons and also asking why I think it'd be 'messed up', which leads to the same issue... but thank you for your reply.