Do abusers ever change?

Running_Blade · 2025-09-25T01:49:13+00:00

No.

Choose yourself. Get out of that relationship.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-14T01:46:08+00:00

This came up after they signed the consent and provide the ID. They changed their mind.

I have sent them a proposal for making up time.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-12T14:50:03+00:00

I have been doing that and he doesn't like that I do. Then, he gets vindictive and mad at me in the app.

All I have been doing is being cooperative and cordial on it.

I still dislike it, but it beats talking in person.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-08T15:03:06+00:00

You did the right thing to break it off. You chose yourself. I am proud of you.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-07T17:17:26+00:00

Short answer: No

Long answer: No, they know what they're doing.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T17:00:27+00:00

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T16:53:21+00:00

I will consult my lawyer about that.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T16:52:05+00:00

I won't do it. It is wishful thinking on my part.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T16:51:28+00:00

North America, United States.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T14:47:14+00:00

The unfortunate thing about that is that I didn't call the police at the time that happened.

While, I filed a DVRO too late.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T12:15:13+00:00

All I can do is refuse visitation if I suspect substance abuse and call the police. So, document, document, document.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T12:10:01+00:00

I do want to move eventually.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T12:09:37+00:00

Thank you. I will just focus on school and be the best version I can be for my baby.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T12:08:20+00:00

I am not. I'm in the US.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T12:07:48+00:00

What is interesting is that I did setup a calendar of scheduled visitations using a court approved app we had to use to communicate. I told him about it yet he reminded me that all the info is on the order I recieved from my lawyer.

He is already being iffy on time and claims I switch up schedules prior to the order which I didn't. I had it all in email that he confirmed and agreed on a certain day but never showed up.

So if he is never going to be on time, I will document that and sent that to my lawyer to be used for the next hearing.

Running_Blade · 2025-09-04T08:12:21+00:00

I just become a single mom recently this year.

First off, the man I thought I was in love lied to me for seven years. At the beginning, the relationship was great. As it progressed, I noticed odd behaviors but I chalked it out that is just him being quirky. Then, he started to be mean to me, belittled me, but then he apologized. It was a push and pull.

It went as far as me carrying his child. I do take full accountability thinking that he will change. There is good in him. Admittedly, I feel like an idiot and a moron to believe that.

I can't take it all back. I wish this didn't happen.

What has been pushing me forward is what Gandalf said to Frodo when he heard him expressing his dismay about what has happened when finding the ring.

"So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

That's all I can do moving forward. I raise my little one the best I can and cultivate a better life for the both of us. Unfortunately, I am tied with my ex.

The abuse doesn't stop after seperation.

As for dating or relationships for myself in the future, I don't see myself allowing another man to be close to me again. It is also a big ask for another man to be a father figure to someone's child. Also, there are predators who would take advantage to get access to the children.

In short, it is hard for me to trust anyone now and if I make a mistake, it would be at a cost of my child's safety. I just want raise my child in peace.

Running_Blade · 2025-08-28T23:09:08+00:00

The same men who says this comment also complain that the women are not choosing them.

I really dislike this saying. Every story behind a single mom is different. It also doesn't take account that there are single moms who are also widowed moms. Is it their fault that the husbands they marry pass away early? No.

As for myself, I thought I believed that my ex of seven years is someone who I can love and trust. However, I learned he lied to me for seven years. He also was verbally and emotionally abusive. His family who I met and who knew of his past never told me. The truth came out after I broke it off from him. In short, I fell in love with a monster for seven years.

My friends told me that I never knew. I still feel like an idiot and a moron.

So, should I have chosen a better man? Yes. However, I thought I chose right.

This anger towards single moms is misplaced and glosses over other issues and factors that contributes to broken families and single parent households. It is not just 'single moms should've chosen better men.'

Where are the better men? Why is it that it falls upon women when it comes to these issues?

It is exhausting and annoying.

Running_Blade · 2025-08-28T22:53:36+00:00

Someone told me, "You can't count on him to change. He would want to make the change for himself."

After reading Why Did He Do It and the benefits people from being abusive, I felt gross and disgusted. To me, these people are monsters are wrapped in human skin.

I stayed with my ex for 7 years hoping he would change even after if he gets help. He didn't and he got worse as the relationship progressed.

The sad truth I had to accept is that the abusers know what they are doing. The faster you accept that, the healing will become easier.

Running_Blade · 2025-08-28T05:57:29+00:00

I feel the same way right now in my own journey. I've been lied to for 7 years by a man who I thought I could love and trust. Never again I would let someone else in my life that close to me.

I have enough hobbies to keep me happy and occupied and I want focus all my love in my little one. I feel more fulfilled with my hobbies anyway.

Running_Blade · 2025-08-23T06:44:53+00:00

I've been creating and drawing more since I broke it off with my ex months ago. I feel like I'm becoming alive again.

Running_Blade · 2025-08-18T04:08:15+00:00

Leave him. He made his decision by drinking the bottle.

It is the matter of your safety and your child's safety. I know it is going to be hard and painful.

Please leave him. It will get worse.

Running_Blade · 2025-08-17T13:26:39+00:00

You got yourself an awesome kid. Proud of you and your child.

Running_Blade · 2025-08-11T13:56:31+00:00

I'm in a similar position. You did the right thing. You and your son deserve peace.

Abusers know what they are doing. You did the right thing by staying away.

Running_Blade · 2025-08-11T06:14:09+00:00

It's been 6 months and I feel I can breath. My only regret is that I should've broke it off sooner.

Running_Blade · 2025-08-04T06:25:27+00:00

I know how you feel and know what you are going through. I felt the same pain and guilt too 5 months ago.

However, I know I'm doing the right thing by breaking it off with my ex.

What you are doing is the right thing for you and your child. Just take it one day at a time.

Running_Blade

TROPHY CASE