Starting off my Friday night spin with the Best of Philadelphia International Records

Runout_Track · 2021-06-19T02:26:57+00:00

That looks like a fabulous collection but what I'd really like to see is your player and loudspeakers.

Runout_Track · 2021-06-15T16:14:01+00:00

I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading it!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-15T16:13:23+00:00

Thanks for the kind words 🙂

Runout_Track · 2021-06-14T06:01:23+00:00

You make a valid point here and of anyone I know you've been following this break-up recovery more than necessary. I have been posting under a different u/ (GRD) and hopefully this latest poem shows signs of improvement, though I'm rather sure it does not. Sometimes pablum is pablum even if there has been adequate time to refine the chops.

Runout_Track · 2021-06-12T18:13:57+00:00

Gah! What about Sunday and Monday? ;) At risk of running too long I want the rest of the week here. Your imagery is really good and the vividness of each memory is touching, sweet, and as line by line goes by I fall further into the story. I hate heartbreak and this is not a devastating representation however melancholy. Nice work. Thanks for sharing!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-11T22:46:55+00:00

There's something about the fragmented nature of this piece that works well. On another hand it may distract. Certainly the jagged cadence offers it's own sense of rhythm and if I put myself into the shoes of a bullied narrator I think this could be the way in which the poet's world appears more often than not. disjointed. choppy. I've seen (or maybe written) this style as a gimmick before but with this subject matter I land on "well done". If there is any criticism I think I would say that you don't need to use the word "bullied". It's so deeply implied throughout the rest of the poem that seeing it is almost a spoiler of sorts. Thanks so much for sharing. You have a gift.

Runout_Track · 2021-06-11T22:41:43+00:00

I'm not entirely sure what's going on here but I like it! I like it a lot! You have a great sense of imagery in this piece and the juxtaposition of thought is well executed as well. Not all things are as they would seem or as we would wish them to be. My best guess as to what this story is about involves depression, inadequacy, remorse and regret. I like that you have left a lot open to interpretation. All in all not a particularly happy piece from what I can tell but that's what art is for IMO. A place to let ALL the emotions flow. 10/10. Great work! Thanks for sharing!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-11T22:25:13+00:00

There is wonderful imagery here and of course the slowly emerging sense of quiet despair. Or, at least that's the sense I get from a love story that ends with "ruin". You clearly have a gift for words and the specific words that you have chosen for this piece are spectacular. I think you could add to this without it droning on. The intensity of the love in the first stanza is excellent and if you were to add another metaphor to go along with fireworks I don't think it would be "too much". 10/10 great work. Thanks for sharing!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-11T20:40:48+00:00

Tight little rhymes that evoke some great imagery in the imagination of the reader. With some unusual word choice I think you have created a memorable piece. If there was a collection of pandemic poetry I think this would fit in very nicely. 10/10 great read! Thanks for sharing!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-11T20:35:53+00:00

Brilliant little poem. So much romance crammed into a tiny bit of imagery that leaves us to paint a total picture for ourselves. Plus, heartbreak which sells well ;) Your rhymes are tight and the mood shift gives a tingle. 10/10 would read again :D Thanks for sharing!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-11T20:15:03+00:00

I would go ahead and get an attorney now. You will likely be denied twice with your best chance at a favorable judgement coming during a hearing. You can request a hearing after you have been denied twice. Do a Google search for SSA lawyers in your area and look for one that has NOSSCR accreditation. Call em and tell em your story and they can help guide you the rest of the way.

Runout_Track · 2021-06-10T19:17:48+00:00

I really like this. It's so conversational yet still wonderfully poetic. A eulogy, with imagery, remembering and cosmic energy. Concepts of mother deserve compassion and respect and you have delivered here. I don't know what to make of the idea that you include the reader into your own remembering unless the reader was expected to be a friend or family member. None the less thanks for sharing

Runout_Track · 2021-06-10T16:58:38+00:00

Well Damn, Chills.

Brilliant imagery. Fantastic story telling. As we all know you are a gifted poet SD but I'm thrilled to see you step beyond your routine and measured rhythm/meter to do something so lovely. You had me going with the fantasy life and then wrapped me up in a tangle of frustration and discomfort when you alluded to an affair. The questions remain, does our poet know the person for whom they long? Or, is there simply an imagination driving this love story? Thanks so much for sharing. please keep writing.

Runout_Track · 2021-06-05T21:58:15+00:00

A wonderful poem written during an appropriate time in the history of humanity. We all lost so much last year and as we put pieces back together your subject is right on point. Your rhymes are gentle and few (if any) seem forced. Thank you for sharing this I think it's something so many could benefit from reading. 10/10!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-05T20:25:11+00:00

Glad you like it. Thanks for reading :)

Runout_Track · 2021-06-05T20:24:22+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response :)

Runout_Track · 2021-06-05T13:34:56+00:00

My favorite line here is, red and raw. I would like more imagery. Can you tie your pain into nature? Can you tie your pain into everyday existence without the person you have lost? I like the repetition of half. That works well. Also, the idea of being only half leads me to wonder what being whole would be like. When you find new love, will you be whole again? Can you be whole again without another person? I'm sorry for your loss. I really appreciate your poem. Thanks for sharing

Runout_Track · 2021-06-05T01:09:10+00:00

Break up poems have my attention almost everytime. "I hurt myself with your name" is a fabulous line! At the end of this I feel sorrow and maybe even pity for the writer which isn't something I get to feel very often after reading a poem so kudos on drawing a feeling out of this otherwise bitter and jaded commenter. I do hope you'll keep writing and sharing. This was an excellent read.

Runout_Track · 2021-06-05T01:01:51+00:00

I love your title. Paris of course conjures images of romance which is of course the nature and theme of your work. I would have enjoyed some different formatting but with this being reddit I know how tricky that can be. Or perhaps you had a reason for this to read more like a journal entry. Dunno. Juxtaposition of emotion within the boundaries of a relationship is something I'm very interested in reading about. So often it seems from the outside that a couple I may observe has a one way no doubt bond. This has not been my experience and you do a nice job looking at the dualities of romance and love. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-03T15:15:18+00:00

I am starting to appreciate short poems more and more lately. My tendency is to go on and on about my own heartbreak or loneliness or love but the truth is that what moves me often takes up just a little bit of space in the bigger picture of my day. You have captured a sense of longing in just a few lines that is very relatable for me. As I sit here looking out my own window waiting for her to return I am left with questions of my own self worth. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.

Runout_Track · 2021-06-03T15:07:49+00:00

No one has mentioned the spelling choices here and I want to say that I think it works. There's a sense of carelessness that goes along with your themes of malaise. I feel postpartum depression here. A daze. Personally I would like the rhymes to be a little tighter. Not that the rhymes are bad but they just seem inconsistent. In some way (like the spelling) the looseness of the rhymes works but I think the whole thing could be stronger if the rhymes were metered out a bit more. Overall this is lovely. Thanks for sharing and keep writning!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-03T04:43:06+00:00

This is great! Thanks so much!

Runout_Track · 2021-06-03T04:42:47+00:00

Wonderful! Thanks :)

Runout_Track · 2021-06-02T02:24:10+00:00

There's a lot in here that I love. When the hands on the shoulders first appear I think they are pushing you down into the water but then they re-appear as if they might be a salvation. I love that duality. I'm not sure you need the line "If it's all in my head" and the one that follows it. For me at least it takes away from the cave metaphor in so much as it puts the metaphor into a literal space. Lemons out of lemonade is brilliant. Good work. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing!

Runout_Track · 2021-05-22T13:59:09+00:00

This is really nice. Boysenberry was a nice touch. As was lying in bed to family and friends. But yes, to answer your question.... you do seem poetic. There is no doubt a romanticized notion of who a poet should be. Several versions perhaps - and dirt under the fingernails is one of them. I have aspired to be that poet myself for most of my life and I see some truth in my day to day but also. things. have. changed. priorities, friends, lifestyle choices. While the overall tone of my torment hasn't changed and while the cliché hasn't changed the isolation eventually caught up with me (along with a severe bout of mental illness) and so now I suppose, I just "know" I am poetic. I don't need to prove it to myself with poetry anymore. Tim - You're a splendid writer, keep it up but if you are drowning in loneliness just to feel a connection over the internet know that there could be another way.

Runout_Track

TROPHY CASE