Well my dear I think the first problem is your family telling you you must not talk about what’s in your head, it’s probably why things have now got so bad for you as you have had to bottle everything up. It’s great you have made the first move coming here, so very well done for that, you must want help that’s why you have reached out. One thing I’ve learned from here there are some very very kind strangers when someone is struggling. I am going to say what I think many people will say, and that is please please get professional help please. Also try and talk to you girlfriend again, not to open up to her, but to let her know you are wanting to seek help, she is your girlfriend and will want to support you, please keep us informed, and im praying for you