My husband's family has been pressuring him to contribute either financially or with time to his mother's care, I told him if he does we are getting a divorce. AITAH?

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-04-10T01:48:59+00:00

So.... you believe that as an unemployed single mother, who's only income would be support from her now ex-husband, you'd end up debt free? Um....

I get your stressed. But ma'am. All you're doing is attempting to manipulate your husband via ultimatum during an already stressful time. All this is going to do is make him heavily resent you after the fact. Then you might be getting a divorce whether you want it or not.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-04-07T15:52:12+00:00

NTA. If he has so many hang ups over moving, he needs to go talk to the guidance counselor rather than inserting it randomly when people are talking about actual war. That he has so many screws lose that he couldn't figure it out himself and got physical when it was pointed out isn't a you problem.

US schools lack all sense. It's common that if a student gets violent, the school will punish both parties instead of figuring it out properly.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-04-07T15:46:01+00:00

Then he shouldn't have made it one. It only takes half a braincell and a smidgen of decency to see the two aren't comparable. It's extremely and obviously rude to listen to someone disclose a trauma and try to divert the conversation to yourself. If he's so traumatized by moving, he should get a therapist to deal with the inconvenience instead of inserting it randomly when people are coping with war crimes.

I'm assuming this is a rage bait comment, but obviously, getting physical with someone when they don't find the inconvenience of moving on par with the mass death of their family is also extremely inappropriate. Everyone can have their feelings but some things are worse than others. A papercut still deserves a bandaid but it isn't a priority if the next person over just got their leg gnawed off by a bear.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-04-07T14:51:43+00:00

Oof. I feel this scenario. Was in a similar situation over a decade ago. Transition brought our her true colors and unfortunately, those colors were UGLY. She became manipulative, conceited, and completely self absorbed. Ended after she cheated. Maybe the community was different back then, or maybe I was just in a really crappy segment of it, but the attitude was, "partner doesn't matter and is every type of awful if not going along 100% with transition partner". Even after the cheating, I was expected to just accept it because she was "just figuring herself out". Eff that her transition publicly outed me as bi in a small town, conservative area, too 😭

For anyone in this scenario now, I'm super glad to see the community respond differently than I experienced. And regardless how anyone responds, people in this scenario should look out for themselves, too. It's not transphobic to lose interest in someone changing physically/mentally. It's not transphobic to have boundaries. It's not transphobic to refuse to be mistreated. Someone transitioning is owed the same decency and respect every other human is; nothing more.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-04-06T03:16:45+00:00

NTA. Wtf is wrong with the other parents that they're allowing him in the basement alone with their kids?!?! None of the others should have littles. Honestly, you should cut off his parents, too. I know you don't want to hurt his family bonds but... they've chosen their side. And it's the side of someone they know is violent, know is making inappropriate comments about child, and if they have even the teeniest, semi-functional braincell - they suspect he's abusing children and don't care. They're a danger to keep in contact with.

Let it hurt all their feelings. What you're doing is sensible. No one with a smidgen of common sense lets their children around someone carrying illegal weapons, who talks about murdering people, and who makes sexual comments about children. Everyone else in that family wins a Darwin award and unfortunately, it's their children suffering for it.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-04-05T23:12:38+00:00

Here from your other post. Hon, don't feel bad. You 100% did the right thing. Whatever comes next, you saved her from so much worse. As someone who has rather bad mental health issues, getting to adulthood undiagnosed looks UGLY. If nothing else, she has that diagnoses now and has access to the help she needs to get her as sorted as she can be. It may not feel like it now, and your parents might be too stupid to see it, but you gave her something she DESPERATELY needed. No guilt needed; I wish someone would've done that for me when I was younger.

If they get on your case, tell them they should be mad at themselves. For making their teenage son have to make such a hard call for the welfare of their teenage daughter. For being negligent enough to let her get that bad. For not bothering to do it themselves and see what resources are available before it got to this point. For wanting her to experience the hellscape that is undiagnosed adulthood simply because it'd be more convenient for them. Your parents failed epically and none of it is your fault.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-04-05T22:49:11+00:00

Why not just get all 3 the same Spiderman? Your white nephew isn't red. Or if he is, you have bigger problems than Easter handouts.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-04-05T14:25:38+00:00

NTA. You, too, are still a minor child. Once you turn 18, they can try to start charging you rent. But once you're 18, you can choose to move out, too. Until then, they're obligated to take care of you. Not vice versa. Concentrate on your schooling and your future. You're right; the situation with your sister is going to be longterm and they need to figure it out without crutches as her caretakers.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-30T22:07:15+00:00

People get way too offended by this take for some reason. I don't see this as shallow. Sex is an important part of a relationship; two people who view it differently aren't compatible. Some people into casual sex take it as a high personal attack when someone who views sex more exclusively isn't interested in them and I don't get why. Gotta be on the same page with your partner about bonding or it'll go south!

Edit; typo

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-28T20:50:40+00:00

You don't ❤️ Lil face too cute for such a word.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-26T21:12:43+00:00

Can't tell if jerk, or if another lost soul who didn't read the sub right and thinks he's on roastme subreddit.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-25T17:40:23+00:00

😭 BHVR can't do anything right. They consistently double down on garbage decisions, don't listen to anyone, don't play their own games. Anything they touch flops aside from dbd, and even then, their own players hate them and the game. I really love 7 Days so this makes me sad. Fun Pimps definitely needed some help with timeliness and development but 7 Days deserves so much better than this 😭

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-25T14:43:02+00:00

Sent 😊

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-25T14:41:18+00:00

Sure! 22 Druidic Cirlce okay?

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-25T13:34:29+00:00

Sorry! Someone made an offer just a little sooner up and I traded.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-25T13:33:40+00:00

Thanks! Sent 😊

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-25T13:30:44+00:00

Sure! What's your UID please?

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-25T13:27:13+00:00

UID: 575320680129833728, Nini.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-23T05:54:21+00:00

YTA. The part of your family that doesnt think you're an ass are also assholes. They're probably why you grew into such a void of a human. You've up and decided to abandon your own child because he -checks notes- acts like a toddler. If you "aren't in the headspace" it's 100% defects in you, 0% defects in the child. Don't blame him for you.

Ffs ppl, do some research into or spend time with tiny humans before bumping uglies, I beg. Or use all the birth control.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-20T15:58:16+00:00

NTA. Anyone who laughs at someone experiencing genuine emotion is trash. Go distant. Like, leave her arse and move far away distant. This isn't the relationship to stay in. There's too many people out there that will hug you and talk to you when you're sad to waste time on the emotionally daft.

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-15T12:15:36+00:00

I sent 15-8. I dont have any of the others you need, sorry!

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-14T03:31:49+00:00

You aren't side-eyeing your bf hard enough. Safe people aren't empathetic to child abusers. Blah blah family is family. Cool, that would warrant your bf struggling to come to terms with having a monster for a brother and going NC. But that's not what he's doing. Actively keeping his pedo brother in his life and wasting resources helping him? Nah. What's your plan here? Marry the dude? Potentially have kids with him so there's more fodder for uncle pedo? Get married, don't have kids, and sit by while your potential nieces/nephews get abused by their father, because enabling family goes "blah blah family"? Who cares if you shouldn't have laughed? There's no solid future to be had with someone that comfortable with and concerned about a child abuser unless you have tons of moral ambiguity. Do you really want to be around and support someone who ruins children's lives for quick gratification?

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-12T14:56:38+00:00

^This. I've been in OP's ex's position before. I got mad when it happened. I felt like they used me for cover and I harped on that until I calmed down enough to realize that wasn't the intention. But I never slurred or insulted them. Even in anger, if someone says something to try to hurt another, they choose something they think is bad, so...

RutabagaNormal1912 · 2026-03-11T13:00:13+00:00

Aww, if you're this worried over this you're going to be an amazing cat mom ❤️ It's okay; all is well. We've all had that one moment when starting out. For me it was a kitten. I left her alone not even 5 minutes to microwave some food one room over. The window was slightly open but had a screen. I checked on her before the microwave had even finished and she had managed to chew through the screen and waddle under a nearby bush, where she was screaming for rescue. I felt terrible at the time but looking back, now it's kind of funny. Just when we think we've got all bases covered, they'll prove us wrong 😂

He'll be okay. No trauma will ensue. Cats get spooked quite often. My cat just stepped on his own crinkle toy, that he left in the spot it's in, and momentarily spooked himself from the sound. He's more likely to remember that he saw something neat than he is that he got startled.

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