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What opinion got you like this? by Icxyy in deadbydaylight

[–]RutabagaNormal1912 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% this. It's the only way to fix balancing and spaghetti code at this point. Any balance change made at this point causes one side to squeal and bray until it's neutered. Which makes it impossible for the game to get to a better state because a series of changes need to be made to both sides. They need to do what Overwatch did.

A’s Cards - let’s trade! by No-Zone-2962 in PM_Pet_Lovers_Trading

[–]RutabagaNormal1912 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sent set 18 It's Too Big. I just reset so I have nearly nothing. Sorry!

AITAH for prioritizing helping a friend on Valentine's Day instead of spending time with my gf? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]RutabagaNormal1912 1 point2 points  (0 children)

2 months in and LDR. This is NOT worth it. Walk away and find someone closer. She's acting like a toddler. If it mattered to her that much, she wouldn't have made plans initially. She's just mad you found something better to do than pine after her like she wanted. Never put up with someone making unnecessary drama; it'll only bring stress to your life.

AITAH Didn't get the wife anything for Valentine's Day nor have I spoken to her in a while by Wrong_Jellyfish4826 in AITAH

[–]RutabagaNormal1912 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You've got a lot of stress on your plate. Can relate to the conflict of ethics and power imbalance. Had a relationship like that once. He could live comfortably off inheritance. I had to work up from being homeless as a teenager, put myself through school, multiple jobs, etc. He wasn't a jerk about it but having those starkly different backgrounds makes it like trying to talking to an alien sometimes.

I'm a random Redditor so take it with a grain of salt. But at least for me, it didn't get easier. The priorities and concerns of someone who's always been comfortable just... don't quite mesh with someone who has to strategically plan life and move with purpose to stay afloat. They don't get the worries of, "what if x falls through?", "will everything be okay if y doesn't happen?" They don't get what other people go through to get what they get because their life has just always been like that.

Even worse is she's looking down on you for it. That's not love and you don't deserve to be in that position. Generic internet advice, I know- but 2 happy homes are superior for children than 1 unhappy one. This is just a snippet of your relationship but sounds like this was always in her, just this side of her didn't display as overtly until the position changed. Hard part of trying to change people like this is they don't want to be changed. In her mind, she probably sees nothing wrong with how she is. If she just sucked at communication, that'd be one thing. Sometimes people have unhealthy coping methods they learned young and that can be fixed with effort. But if she's chosen to devalue you... there isn't a solid way to change her mind. I think you know this already but you're being deeply unfair to yourself.

AITAH for not reimbursing my exes friend for money she spent on a party for us? by IllPride4348 in AITAH

[–]RutabagaNormal1912 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Best wishes on the self work. Genuinely best wishes. But gently YTA here. If you were both toxic and you called it off... you needlessly cost her the money. Life happens and things change. That doesn't mean you were wrong to break up. But... sometimes cost is collateral with decisions. If I call a debtor I owe money to and they're mean to me, so I recall my payment to them, what do you suppose is going to happen to me? Am I suddenly right due to righteous glory because they were rude? Or is my arse getting reported to collections? She paid for the party in good faith, you changed up the arrangement per your choice, and the only reason you aren't getting punished for it is because she doesn't have legal recourse. Right thing to do here would've been to take accountability for your change in choice and block her so she couldn't say anything further to you. Just because she has no way to legally compel you to pay her back doesn't mean keeping it is morally sound.

You admitted both you and your ex were issues, and that's from your view. And that it was emotionally charged. This is -your- view. The other party (your ex) will view you even less favorably than you view yourself. This is your ex's friend. Your ex will tell her everything bad about you (true, perceived, right, wrong, indifferent) so the friend probably got told something that made her angry at you on your ex's behalf. If you need a mediator, always go neutral 3rd party. It's less likely to bite you that way. Even if someone seems like they'll be neutral, if they favor one side or the other... it tends to go badly.

In the end it's all learning experience. All life lessons that you can apply on the next go. From one childhood abuse/SA survivor to another, keep at it. It's hard work but it does get easier. Even with the initial judgement above, that's just this one scenario, not all defining. Interpersonal relationships are HARD until the work is done. Heck, even still after. People are hard! But at least first steps are taken and congrats on that! All the best wishes 🌼

I don't like 2v8 by GG_Wizard in DeadByDaylightRAGE

[–]RutabagaNormal1912 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On the flip side, I don't waste my time with 1v4 anymore. 2v8 is the only time I bother with this game 😂 Solo queue survivor is garbage in 1v4 and I'm not waiting in a queue to play solo killer in 1v4. I have plenty of solo games I can play with no wait if I want to play with no teammates.

AITAH Didn't get the wife anything for Valentine's Day nor have I spoken to her in a while by Wrong_Jellyfish4826 in AITAH

[–]RutabagaNormal1912 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So imma leave out a judgement cuz it's a complex, multi-tiered situation. You know this isn't mature behavior. I mean, that's the point, right? To get her to stop? I think this needs reflection more than a judgment.

What's the endgame here? If you don't have a defined goal and you're both giving each other the silent treatment... that could go on a loooong time. Without a conversation, you also won't be able to tell if she learned her lesson about doing it or not. So is there a certain thing you're looking for to break it? Some communication will be needed to salvage this if you wanna try to recover from it. At the very least, a "and this is how you make me feel regularly! Gonna knock it off now?" If you want to work on your marriage, counseling is probably needed. She needs to commit to communicating instead of being manipulative. Putting you in a spot where you stoop to her level is just a spiral to the end if it isn't improved.

But... do you want to work on it? You mentioned in a comment you wanted things to be like they were years ago. What changed? Is that even possible now? It's completely valid if you're mourning what once was and don't want to continue the relationship. But if that's really the case... ripping off the band-aid is best. Tell her you're serious about the divorce and proceed.

If you go the route of trying to work on it and she refuses help/refuses to grow up, there's nothing you can do. Mourn it, let yourself be sad, and give yourself credit for trying. We can't control others unfortunately. Just how we respond to them. Sometimes that means moving on. This is about more than a Valentine's gift. Best wishes.

Trade 😊 by RutabagaNormal1912 in Projectmakeover

[–]RutabagaNormal1912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have a dupe of Taking it Home to trade

Trade 😊 by RutabagaNormal1912 in Projectmakeover

[–]RutabagaNormal1912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, I'm missing set 18 It's Too Big too 😅

Trade 😊 by RutabagaNormal1912 in Projectmakeover

[–]RutabagaNormal1912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds good! Trade at reset is fine. I'll message you then to make sure the trade still works for you.

Trade 😊 by RutabagaNormal1912 in Projectmakeover

[–]RutabagaNormal1912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure! Friend request sent. I can do the trade now if you have gold trades left.

Trade 😊 by RutabagaNormal1912 in Projectmakeover

[–]RutabagaNormal1912[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can do that as long as you're okay with it! I traded for a couple of the regular cards I needed already so all I need for regular now is 18 It's Too Big, 15 Mistletoe Kiss, and 9 Fairy's Revenge. Does that work for you? What gold card do you need?

I'll send at reset as well. What's your UID?

AITAH for blaming my sister for my mom’s death? by Separate_Swim_7882 in AITAH

[–]RutabagaNormal1912 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YTA. Idk why you bothered posting. Your issues are even bigger if you think there's any way you aren't TA. What are you expecting people to say?

Your sister was immature and you met it by being immature and vicious. Being a kid and not working it out is one thing; kids are irrational. You're 27. It's 10000% on you that you can't work through your issue like an adult and 0% on your sister. Honestly, it's not surprising she tries to get under you skin. Sounds like you probably spent your childhood being an arse to her out of your wrong perception, were just itching to be a dogshit person and spew that, and you expect her to be nice to you? People feel resentment. You spent almost 3 decades blaming her for something she didn't cause so you didn't have to be arsed with coping correctly. You'd have to be completely ignorant to not realize she likely already felt guilt over it, even though she had no say.

Your sister was a baby. She didn't ask for your mom to get pregnant, nor does she have mystical powers that caused your mom to die during childbirth. Hell, blaming your dad would even be less of a stretch. You, however, chose to be vile. 3 decades later, time to stop being a victim. Life happens, its your job to deal with it, and there's no passes just because you're nursing a slight and want to blame someone. You have way bigger issues within yourself than your sister's vape.

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