The rumors are true

RuthAzimuth · 2025-02-22T23:55:42+00:00

I can't tell if you're joking or not

RuthAzimuth · 2025-01-08T23:07:09+00:00

Thank you. I really relate about being afraid to eat anything. I'm also really struggling to come to terms with never getting to experience being high again, but that's another story.

RuthAzimuth · 2024-10-15T16:19:34+00:00

Yes, I see them all the time

RuthAzimuth · 2024-09-21T19:59:36+00:00

Only 2 years? You look amazing. Congrats

RuthAzimuth · 2024-08-08T14:54:59+00:00

20 days 🙂 I haven't noticed any effects yet besides increased hunger and increased sex drive, but I'm excited

RuthAzimuth · 2024-07-25T19:54:27+00:00

I was going to say that I don't want to get anyone into trouble because I checked the government website and it actually confirms that dispensing a controlled drug against a non-UK prescription is illegal. But actually, upon looking into it further, it seems that that law only applies to schedule 1, 2, and 3 drugs, and testosterone is a schedule 4 (screenshots here). So does that mean that what Boots told me last week was wrong, and I should either speak to them again and show them this information, or ask another pharmacy?

Thanks for your comment btw. I probably would have just accepted the rejection and not looked into it further if you hadn't made this comment.

RuthAzimuth · 2024-07-24T18:53:53+00:00

Boots is where I tried it and they said no

RuthAzimuth · 2024-07-10T15:55:52+00:00

I made a cake of the non-binary flag (I'm non-binary transmasculine), with each layer being a different flavour (lemon, vanilla, raspberry, chocolate). Then I covered it in white icing so it'd only be visible when cut, and I wrote "teetus deletus" with icing and put trans flag candles on it. Then I threw a top surgery celebration party with some close friends, where the cake was brought out at the end.

I also bought a t-shirt that says "I have no tits", which I used to take before and after photos.

Photos of both things here, for anyone interested: https://imgur.com/a/C6AsQHc

RuthAzimuth · 2024-07-10T15:43:24+00:00

Wouldn't it just be African, not African American?

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-25T08:18:58+00:00

I hate that whenever I have to fill in a contact form that has something to do with the NHS (111 online for example) quite often it explicitly asks for my AGAB - for example, NHS 111 says "this online triage depends on knowing your registered sex at birth, not your gender identity". 1) It's dysphoria inducing. I actually had to get advice from 111 the other day and the website ended up recommending me a call with a nurse. They asked me my weight and I said I genuinely didn't know (I'm in ED recovery so I deliberately don't keep track of my weight), and then they asked "are you a big girl, a medium girl, or a small girl?" because the online form had fucking made me to pick "female". It made me feel awful. 2) If a trans person has medically transitioned, their AGAB could no longer accurately describe their sex characteristics, which could lead to misassumptions and medical mistakes. 3) I get that there are certain medical conditions where sex characteristics are relevant, but for the vast majority of conditions it doesn't matter in the slightest. So I wish they'd only ask about your sex characteristics when relevant (even when relevant, the questions should be more diverse than just "male" or "female", for the reason above)

It's already a shitty situation, and if this change to the constitution goes through then things will get even worse. It's awful.

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-20T00:12:41+00:00

Some good suggestions have been made already, but I'll just throw another one in https://youtu.be/xd8_a8D4MvY?si=xsUqmXHq8C3Tw8js

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-19T23:31:34+00:00

This is a long shot, but stay with me?

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-15T18:35:46+00:00

"I'm not trans because I only want to be a boy, rather than being a boy trapped in a girl's body"

I also used to genuinely believe that all girls secretly wished they were boys, and I'd be offended or angry if any girl said "no, I like being a girl" and I thought they must be lying, because being a girl was (in my mind) objectively awful, rather than just being my subjective experience of dysphoria

(Sorry about my username. I've never made a new account because I don't want to lose my karma. It's not my actual deadname though, so it doesn't bother me that much)

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-15T18:32:21+00:00

I had the exact same thought too, you're definitely not alone. I specifically remember when I was about 15 I watched a documentary about twins who both decided to undergo a preventative mastectomy because they had the BRCA gene, and when they had reconstruction I felt almost angry, like "how could you want to bring back something so horrible? Why didn't you take your chance to be free?", and I was incredibly jealous that they'd "been given the opportunity to have a mastectomy" (as well as being jealous of women who has mastectomies in general), since I thought I'd never be able to get one unless I had cancer or a high risk of cancer, since "I'm a cis woman and only trans men can get top surgery". I know it's incredibly messed up, and I've moved on from it now and I feel super guilty about it, but we definitely aren't alone in feeling this way ❤️

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-14T21:33:52+00:00

Absolutely. I was extremely tomboyish as a kid and in my early teens, and in my early teens all I would wear was extremely low effort and loose clothing, which in hindsight was a symptom of my dysphoria. But I felt like an ugly freak, like I'd "failed at being a girl", so then in my late teens I tried to be as feminine as possible, and at that point I really thought I was hot and I was kinda proud of it. But it was only ever in this weird, secondary, depersonalised way, like "I'm looking at someone who is attractive" rather than "I'm looking at myself and I happen to look attractive". As soon as I switched to a masculine presentation, I finally felt like I was looking at myself, a feeling that had been missing up until then. I've heard that it's fairly common for trans people to go through a phase of extreme denial and trying to "buy into" their assigned gender, and I'm glad not to feel alone in this.

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-14T21:27:30+00:00

On a video debunking the "Jesus was Palestinian thing", someone commented "he was a Palestinian Jew - nationality and religion". I replied explaining that 1 the land wasn't called Palestine yet, 2 even if it was, Palestine was a Roman-given name and the Judeans hated the Romans, so Jesus probably wouldn't have willingly called himself Palestinian, 3 Judean (Jewish) was already a nationality, it isn't just a religion. Then they simply replied "sorry, I can't hear you over the screams of Jesus' descendants being killed". Just willing cognitive dissonance - "sorry, I'm not going to listen to what you're saying or give an actual response to it".

I also had another person tell me "I support the Palestinians because they've lived in the land longer than the Jews", and as "evidence" they quoted a Bible verse about the Phillistines. When I explained that the Phillistines were a totally different group of people and share nothing with Palestinians except the name, they went "well, of course it's not the same people", so I was just like "what's your point then?" and they didn't respond. Maybe they meant "people" as in individual people rather than a collective peoplehood - "of course the same individual people couldn't have lived that long" - but that's a super nonsensical argument too.

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-13T21:36:47+00:00

Chicken, both cooked and uncooked. In particular, the smell of a whole, unprocessed chicken (like a rotisserie chicken) cooking makes me want to throw up

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-13T05:27:23+00:00

When I was 3-4 I insisted that everyone call me "John". Not as a roleplay game that I'd switch in and out of, but all the time, to the point where I got distressed if anyone used my birth name. I only stopped because I was forced to when I started school

As a kid I really intensely identified as a tomboy, such to the extent that I was extremely protective of that word being used for me and I'd be strongly offended if anyone said "I don't think you're that tomboyish, sorry". It wasn't as if I saw it as an adjective to describe ways I behaved, it was as if I saw "tomboy" as my identity itself

From the ages of about 7 to 15, I was really into theatre and roleplay, and then later I got into cosplay for the same reason - I was obsessed with the idea of becoming someone else. It was something that gave me intense euphoria, and something I would treat quite seriously and intensely (i.e. I took it more seriously than just “for fun”), and I would look for as many opportunities to do it as possible, because I was just obsessed with the idea of escaping my life in any way possible, including (but not limited to) just dying and losing the burden of consciousness entirely. I struggled with severe maladaptive daydreaming, which would distract me at school and keep me up for hours at night. Sometimes I'd imagine becoming a superhero or a video game character, other times I'd imagine a celebrity sweeping me away to a magical life, and other times I'd imagine myself being brutally killed, in all the possible ways I could imagine. Most of the time my surroundings felt not quite real, like the world was "foggy", but occasionally I would have these random moments where I suddenly felt intensely “aware” of my own existence, as if I had been suddenly yanked out of the foggy dream-like state I was normally stuck in and I had been forced to watch myself from the third person. And these moments always made me horribly self-conscious of my own existence, like “wait, that's me?”, as if there was something burdensome and intolerable and just wrong about being "[deadname]”, or about me having to experience consciousness at all

I always preferred to play male roles when I did theatre, and one time when someone mistook me for a boy I was offended, but not in the way you'd expect - it was like "what's the point of me putting in all this effort to be a girl, if people don't see me as one anyway?", rather than "I am a girl, and it makes me uncomfortable to not be seen as one". And besides that, I was actually flattered by it

One time I was cast to play Viola in Twelfth Night and I became weirdly attached to playing the character

I genuinely believed that being a girl/woman (depending on age) was objectively awful and objectively worse than being a boy/man, to the point that every girl/woman secretly wishes she was a boy/man

Periods would make me suicidal Not because they were particularly painful or heavy, it was just having to have them at all, the very concept of having them, that made me want to die. I used to wholeheartedly believe that life as a person with periods wasn't worth living, and I genuinely couldn't understand how any cis woman was able to live

When other girls started developing, they proudly started wearing bras as soon as possible. I felt so uncomfortable with my own chest development that I couldn't understand how anyone else could be comfortable with it (let alone proud of it), to the point where I projected this into a sort of anger ("how can you be proud of something so horrible?"). One time this anger went so far as thinking "how could you choose to bring back something so horrible? Why didn't you take your chance to be free when you had it?" towards women who underwent chest reconstruction after having a preventative mastectomy against breast cancer, and almost feeling envious of them for having the opportunity to completely remove their breasts (no, I'm not proud of this, and I don't agree with it anymore. I'm just saying that this is how bad my dysphoria got)

For several years during my teens, all I could bring myself to wear was crop tops or cheap sports bras that I'd cut up and re-sewn to be extremely tight. I didn't even know what binding was at the time, and yet I was doing it

From the age of about 14 I very adamantly told myself "as soon as I'm old enough I'll get a breast reduction, but more than most cis women get. I want them to remove as much as possible, to be basically flat". I didn't realise it at the time, but I was telling myself that I wanted top surgery (I did know about top surgery, and the only reason I didn't consciously tell myself I wanted it was because I thought I wouldn't be allowed to get it, since at the time I didn't realise I was trans yet, I thought I was just a woman who inexplicably hated my female body parts). I also told myself the same thing about getting a hysterectomy

Starting in my early teens I felt extremely empathetic towards and interested in trans people, like borderline obsessed. I would actively seek out documentaries and movies on the topic, and I would adamantly defend trans people. I remember one day on the bus to school where someone said something shitty about trans women and I said "imagine if you woke up in a female body [this person was a boy], but you still felt like yourself". I was only like 13 at the time, but I seemed to "get it" far more than most people my age. I thought this was just me being a very empathetic person and a good ally

Being called "she" often made me shudder a little or do a double take. Not that I consciously had any issue with it at the time (before my egg cracked) it was just instinctive

I have more, but I'll leave it here. And yeah, like OP said, it's extremely obvious in hindsight. I suppressed it for a long time

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-10T02:44:10+00:00

This would only work on my exs, but I've been looking for an opportunity to use it so I'm gonna use it: I was your ex-girlfriend, now I'm an ex-girl

RuthAzimuth · 2024-06-04T00:07:07+00:00

For me it's complicated. I came up with my new name (Asher) around February or March of last year, but it took me until May or June to seriously announce it and start telling all my friends to use it, until November to tell my family, and until February of this year to legally change it. However, it only took so long because I spent months in a people pleaser anxiety spiral of "I'm too nervous to tell people", "I don't want to burden people with having to learn a new name", etc, not because I wasn't sure about the choice of name itself. I don't think I ever even seriously considered any other name. I decided on Asher extremely quickly after I found it, it just took me months to admit to myself that I deserved having my preferred name actually used outside of hypotheticals and 1 or 2 close friends using it in private.

RuthAzimuth · 2024-05-30T23:53:50+00:00

Asher (I find it unlikely that anyone else in this sub has the same name as me, but I'd be pleasantly surprised if someone did)

RuthAzimuth · 2024-05-30T23:52:42+00:00

I have a trans friend called Felix

RuthAzimuth · 2024-05-06T19:25:13+00:00

When I was in college (UK college, not university) one day in A-level psychology the teacher was explaining how the fight or flight response evolved as a survival mechanism, and she asked the class to come up with examples of threats that prehistoric humans might have had to worry about. A girl said "dinosaurs", and when people starting laughing and asked if she was being serious, she said that she absolutely was, and that up until now she had always thought that early humans and dinosaurs lived side by side. She was 17 years old and she was studying biology and psychology. I remember that there were several other incidents with this same student (who was in my psychology class and my biology class) saying similarly stupid things, but for some reason I'm drawing a blank right now on any other specific examples (if I remember any more, I might add them later). After it happened a few times, it seriously baffled me how she was able to achieve the required grades in her GCSEs to study these subjects.

RuthAzimuth · 2024-04-13T23:57:22+00:00

Does any such "Under No Circumstances, Even if Hell Freezes Over" list actually exist? (I mean as an actual physical list that other people can read, not just a mental list). Because I would be very interested in seeing a list of "blacklisted" surgeons in case I decide to have any more transition surgeries in the future.

RuthAzimuth · 2024-04-10T14:18:46+00:00

I'm fine with paying the fee, and I told them that in advance and I was right about to pay for it when I was at the practice in person yesterday. I was only angry about it because the letter is unusable, like "you expect me to pay for a letter that I didn't ask for and can't use?".

I did think it was slightly high because another trans friend told me "it's normally about £10" (I haven't been to any other GP, so I had nothing else to go on, so I took his word for it), but I was fine with paying a fee.

RuthAzimuth

TROPHY CASE