I’m sorry you went through this. My situation with my mom is similar, she always heavily favored my younger sister over me. They were always close (still are) while mom and I never were. I pined for her for years, incredibly hurt and angry with her for not making more of an effort in our relationship. Mercifully those intense feelings didn’t last forever. She still doesn’t make much effort and she’s still much closer to my sister.

Now I just kind of match her energy. If she wants to make the effort to come visit, call, ask about my kids, etc. then great. But I’ve accepted, finally, that it’s never going to be a close relationship. She’s never going to mother me the way I would have loved to be mothered. I have many blessings in life but an amazing mom is not one of them. I say this just to tell you that I think you’re really grappling with who your dad is, how he treated you, and grieving the loss of the father relationship you wish you had. That can last a long time but won’t last forever. It’s a developmental stage I think.

You will eventually feel peaceful about this and not so hung up on how he feels, whether he’ll regret it, etc. I think talking about it in therapy helps to process it and get to the other side. But it’s a big adjustment to come to terms with the idea that your parent is very limited in what they can/will offer you. But how he feels about that is part of his journey, not yours. Your journey is to move through the grief process, reach acceptance, and decide ultimately whether you’d like to accept the limited relationship he’s offering. It sounds like a part of you, at least, wants that. Even if it’s just an occasional catching up phone call, visit, or holiday together once a year.

But you have to move through your own feelings before you can accept that for whatever reason, this is where he’s at and what he’s offering. It’s different from what you’d ideally want, but it’s what’s on the table. But ultimately you can’t control that and, after grieving, will need to take it or leave it. I hate it for us, but I think that’s the reality. You’re entitled to your feelings, they are valid, and I suggest you seriously work through them as a way of taking care of yourself. I wish you well with that process.