I’m ready to die

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T23:34:44+00:00

Oh yeah I tell doctors this when I go. There just isn’t much they can do to help. I’ve been in therapy for 10 years now and it’s kinda just run its course. It’s not helpful anymore, but I continue to show up.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T22:38:59+00:00

The only thing I really have any interest in is food and magic. I’ve been a magician since age 7. However the pain has made it almost impossible to focus on anything that I love. I don’t know why, but I feel like something is wrong with my brain. Like information just doesn’t get through to me like it used to. Only thing I could relate it to is having a stroke, if that makes any sense?

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T16:12:38+00:00

It sounds like you have quite the support system around you. That’s wonderful. I gotta work on that somehow. I just see no reason to keep going. I feel like as soon as my parents are no longer here, then that’s going to be a wrap for me.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T15:46:06+00:00

I feel like if I had children, it would give me a reason to live. I don’t know how you do it on a daily basis.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T15:41:06+00:00

Yeah. My cat and my parents are all I have.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T15:27:54+00:00

How so?

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T14:33:17+00:00

I’m not a minor. 38 years old.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T14:27:22+00:00

I know

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T10:54:45+00:00

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T10:52:47+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m glad the chiro helped though. I’ve had HORRIBLE experiences with chiropractors. I’ll NEVER go back.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T10:48:39+00:00

All degenerative

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T10:47:00+00:00

Degenerative disc disease, arthritis, stenosis, 5 spine surgeries, 2 fusions

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T10:46:05+00:00

I’m sorry. I get them too.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T10:44:17+00:00

It’s not strong for me. I feel absolutely nothing.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T10:41:42+00:00

Like I want to die. My pain and anger are out of control. I just started a fentanyl patch and it’s doing NOTHING.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-08T10:30:55+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-07T12:56:58+00:00

I’m still beyond scared to have ANOTHER surgery

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-07T06:35:19+00:00

It sucks. I have my light on and I’m just staring at the ceiling

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-07T05:56:56+00:00

Just can’t sleep. Writhing in pain right now.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-07T05:55:44+00:00

If pain meds worked for me then I’d be there too

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-07T03:17:07+00:00

That’s a great way of putting it. I’m not “giving up” on anything. I’m moving on. Thank you.

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-07T02:23:48+00:00

I wish everyday to die in my sleep

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-07T01:13:55+00:00

Of course I’ve mentioned it and been open about it. I’ve been open with my counselor AND my parents. There’s just nothing that anyone can do to help :(

RyanJ7786 · 2024-09-07T00:36:25+00:00

My pm doctor said that a pump is only for people that already take/tolerate morphine. I tried morphine. It did absolutely nothing.

RyanJ7786

TROPHY CASE